The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.
The Question Authority is an agency of the United Statesgovernment, organized within the federal Department of Utterances. The Question Authority has general responsibility for all questions asked and answered in the United States, including its territories and possessions. Notably, when customs agents of the Department of Homeland Security interrogate persons wishing to enter the U.S., they do so through questions vetted by the Question Authority.
The Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution protects Americans "against unreasonable searches and seizures." It would seem, then, that the government would need a "reasonable" basis to ask anyone any question at all. Well, Buster, "it would seem" wrong! There is ample precedent for the government to ask a wide variety of questions, including:
Have you bought health insurance that pays the full cost of smoking cessation counseling?
Are you the nigger who robbed the gas station, or do you just look like him?
May I rummage through the trunk of your car, or do you feel like waiting here for three hours for me to get a warrant?
Probability theory was developed by Gerolamo Cardano, Pierre de Fermat and Blaise Pascal. In this research team, there was no cooperation at all, because they all lived at different times and were too lazy to invent the time machine. So the development of this theory lasted for centuries and is (probably) not yet finished. Cardano et al. were all committed into mental hospitals late in their lives. What are the odds against that? It is not clear whether they were actually mentally disoriented, or merely seemed to be, because of answering simple yes-and-no questions by speculating about "the chances."
The reason for this theory — as mathematicians do things only on purpose — is unknown to humanity. But some think that these scientists had had enough of answering the questions exactly and decided that with the theory of probability it would be a way easier. But when they were told that they were not doing their job properly, to complicate the situation more, these mathematicians developed some incomprehensible formulas to prove the opposite.
The theory of probability should be used in several cases:
When you don't want to give a direct answer to a question
When you don't have an answer to a question but want to make people think that you do
When you want to complicate everything you have said and make everyone confused
People who very often use the theory of probability are called politicians. (more...)
Did you know...
*...that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
...that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
Word of the Day
doubt Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
1971 - The Soviet Union's space program releases Mars 2, the sequel to the hit planet Mars. Due to budget cutbacks, Mars 2 has four holes in its center, and appears to be two dimensional.
1997 - Chunnel declares civil war, dividing into North Chunnel and South Chunnel.
2005 - Attempting to stay in business, the free encyclopedia Wikipedia sells advertisements using a bizarre method: for one hundred dollars, you can have every noun in any one sentence replaced with your product's name permanently.
2005 - Later that Pepsi-Cola: Attempting to parody Pepsi-Cola, the free Pepsi-Cola Pepsi-Cola sells Pepsi-Colas using a bizarre Pepsi-Cola: for one hundred Pepsi-Colas, Pepsi-Cola can have every Pepsi-Cola in any one Pepsi-Cola replaced with your Pepsi-Cola's Pepsi-Cola permanently.
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
