Listening to metal, contributing to Uncyclopedia, masturbating to Lindsay Lohan, illegaly downloading music, proclaiming himself as the complete, irredeemable guru
This is Insineratehymn speaking. My real name is Ethan Mittel (this is because I am SO German). I come from the most boring state in the union, Kansas (please spare the Kansas school board-related jokes). As you are reading this, I currently occupy certain venues on the internets:
I am also on a few other websites, but their names I cannot remember. If you want to find out, just type Insineratehymn into your local search engine. While browsing the results, ignore those about the Deicide album with the same name, and I assure that you will find a few of my hiding places. Find all of my hiding places and I'll try to remember to give you some sort of reward for your efforts (possibly an old shoe).
As for other stuff about me, I love computers, video games, and heavy metal. Oh yes, I love metal, my favorite genres being thrash metal, death metal, black metal, and grindcore.
Biography of Absurdity
Insineratehymn was born in the year 990 AD, spawned from the essences of ancient Anglo-Saxon and Norsk warlords, and imbued with the intelligence of Plato, Confucius, and Julius Caesar. He was mournful over the loss of his parents who passed away during childhood. However, Insineratehymn had A.D.D. and quickly lost memory of their fate. He was also an aspie and didn't like being teased.
When he became a teenager, he joined the International Circus of the Heavy Metal Umlaut For All Things Ape Shit Crazy and Bat Fuck Insane, or the ICHMUFATASCBFI for short, which was managed by Lemmy Kilmister at the time. His activities usually consisted of cleaning up poo, balancing on enormous wheels, cleaning up poo, sticking his head into the mouth of a hippo, cleaning up poo, whipping himself in the crotch, and cleeninng up yuky doodys. Throughout his 5 years of working there, he managed to make a grand total of 13 dollars. He also caught the dreaded Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis from the elephants.
After his many escapades in the circus, he started listening to metal, against the orders of the christianchurch, and the metal fairy came to him one night and granted him vast knowledge of all things metal. He would know more than any other metalhead in the history of the universe, under one condition: that he would pledge his allegiance to the empire of Uncyclopedialand, and devote his skills to conquering the evil fascists of Wikipedia. Enthusiastic over any offer of new wisdom, Insineratehymn willingly accepted, and to this day, he keeps his post in the utopian city of Uncyclopedia, proudly creating funny articles (to him, maybe) that he hopes will one day be featured on the front page, and vandalizing Wikipedia just for kicks, although he doesn't really practice the latter anymore. Eventually, one of his articles, Byzantine Empire, did get featured, and he is now in the process of writing more articles that he hopes will be featured.
Once in a while, an asshole comes to Uncyclopedia to cause trouble and attempts to heckle Insineratehymn, but he always manages to defeat them using superior logic and intelligence. Should any assholes be stubborn or ignorant enough to come back to continue heckling him, he will repeatedly smite them down until they either give up or get bored and leave. Most of the time, they just get bored and leave.
Oh, he is also a worshiper of Benson, but that's a different story.