User:Insineratehymn

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Citizen! The death metal bread comes for you!!
Name Insineratehymn
Alias The Death Metal Bread
Birth 990 AD
Birthplace The desolate battlefields of Kansas
Age 1682^57*sin(5.3298)*cos(8.0987)
Things he does not wish to know The Cabal, the existence of a higher authority
God he worships Benson
Hobbies Listening to metal, contributing to Uncyclopedia, masturbating to Lindsay Lohan, illegaly downloading music, proclaiming himself as the complete, irredeemable aerodynamics

Introduction

Death Metal Gumdrops

I am the death metal bread!

This is Insineratehymn speaking. My real name is Ethan Mittel (this is because I am SO German). I come from the most boring state in the union, Kansas (please spare the Kansas school board-related jokes). As you are reading this, I currently occupy certain venues on the internets:

I am also on a few other websites, but their names I cannot remember. If you want to find out, just type Insineratehymn into your local search engine. While browsing the results, ignore those about the Deicide album with the same name, and I assure that you will find a few of my hiding places. Find all of my hiding places and I'll try to remember to give you some sort of reward for your efforts (possibly an old shoe).

As for other stuff about me, I love computers, video games, and heavy metal. Oh yes, I love metal, my favorite genres being thrash metal, death metal, black metal, and grindcore.

Biography of Absurdity

Death Metal Gumdrops

Insineratehymn on a good day.

Housemaster

Insineratehymn on a VERY good day.

Insineratehymn was born in the year 990 AD, spawned from the essences of ancient Anglo-Saxon and Norsk warlords, and imbued with the intelligence of Plato, Confucius, and Julius Caesar. He was mournful over the loss of his parents who passed away during childhood. However, Insineratehymn had A.D.D. and quickly lost memory of their fate. He was also an aspie and didn't like being teased.

When he became a teenager, he joined the International Circus of the Heavy Metal Umlaut For All Things Ape Shit Crazy and Bat Fuck Insane, or the ICHMUFATASCBFI for short, which was managed by Lemmy Kilmister at the time. His activities usually consisted of cleaning up poo, balancing on enormous wheels, cleaning up poo, sticking his head into the mouth of a hippo, cleaning up poo, whipping himself in the crotch, and cleeninng up yuky doodys. Throughout his 5 years of working there, he managed to make a grand total of 13 dollars. He also caught the dreaded Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis from the elephants.

After his many escapades in the circus, he started listening to metal, against the orders of the christian church, and the metal fairy came to him one night and granted him vast knowledge of all things metal. He would know more than any other metalhead in the history of the universe, under one condition: that he would pledge his allegiance to the empire of Uncyclopedialand, and devote his skills to conquering the evil fascists of Wikipedia. Enthusiastic over any offer of new wisdom, Insineratehymn willingly accepted, and to this day, he keeps his post in the utopian city of Uncyclopedia, proudly creating funny articles (to him, maybe) that he hopes will one day be featured on the front page, and vandalizing Wikipedia just for kicks, although he doesn't really practice the latter anymore. Eventually, one of his articles, Byzantine Empire, did get featured, and he is now in the process of writing more articles that he hopes will be featured.

Once in a while, an asshole comes to Uncyclopedia to cause trouble and attempts to heckle Insineratehymn, but he always manages to defeat them using superior logic and intelligence. Should any assholes be stubborn or ignorant enough to come back to continue heckling him, he will repeatedly smite them down until they either give up or get bored and leave. Most of the time, they just get bored and leave.

Oh, he is also a worshiper of Benson, but that's a different story.

Statistical Analysis of My Being

Insineratehymn (AKA Ινσινερατος (Insineratos), AKA Инсинратхйм (Insinrathym), AKA [إينسنرتهمن] AKA Insineratum maximus consilium)
Kingdom German
Phylum Aspie
Class Philosopher
Order League of Benson
Family Metalhead
Genus Genius
Species Nerd
Primary Armament Logic and Intelligence
Secondary Armament Extreme sarcasm
Power Plant Caffeine
HP: 666,666,666,666
Mana Points: 999,999
Strength: 20
Intelligence: 150
Weight 210 lbs
Length 5'8"
Special Attack Material evidence
4 photo

I used to be in Iced Earth. I was their singer for a time but I was forced to leave after Tim Owens came into the band and replaced me.


Things I done do

6:00-8:00 AM Breakfast, boot up computer
8:00-10:00 AM Do computery stuff
10:00-12:00 PM Edit Uncyclopedia
12:00-12:05 PM Eat Lunch
12:05-3:00 PM Illegaly download music
3:00-3:05 PM Masturbate to Lindsay Lohan
3:05-4:00 PM Do more computery stuff
4:00-7:00 PM Illegaly download more music
7:00-7:10 PM Dinner
7:10-8:00 PM Edit Uncyclopedia
8:00-9:00 PM Listen to music I illegaly downloaded
9:00-6:00 AM Sleep
  1. Yrnea ubj gb rapelcg va EBG-13
  2. WORSHIP BENSON
  3. HATE HATE HAT!
  4. Record more audio files
  5. I LIKE PI!
  6. Quit being redundant
  7. Quit being redundant
  8. Quit being redundant
  9. Quit being redundant
  10. Quit being redundant
  11. AAAAAAAAA!


Uncyclopedia-related Stuff

You'll need to scroll down this box in order to see all of my userboxes.

Uncyclopedia:Babel
Apprentice-pc This user is an Apprentice in the Potatochoppers' Guild, and has earned a modest amount of respect. Ask this user about joining!
Plato This user is exceptionally skilled at using superior logic and intelligence to flame idiots who deserve it.
Domokunyellownbackground This user is a master of extreme sarcasm, and can kill a grue with a mere utterance.
Domokunyellownbackground This User stopped the Grue Army from starting a flame war. FEAR HIM.
Grue Jammy This user has joined The Grue Army to help Uncyclopedia kill vandals, and help users. Please join today!
Domokunyellownbackground This user is a member of Twin Suns Squadron. Fear them.
OC! This user loves the Old Contents and wants it reinstated.

Nuremberg
This user chooses the fate of articles on VFD. Fear Them.
10000+ This user has over 10000 edits.
; This user is a Grammar Nazi. Heil Semicolon!
Nietzsche187a This user is humping Friedrich Nietzsche's leg.
Boredkid This user is a Registered User and they can upload images and move pages, whoopdie freakin doo.
Hanshaketiny This user is a member of the Welcoming Committee, because no other Committee would take them.

ThinkerToilet This user is a member of the Reviewing Committee, because they are self opinionated knowitalls.

Bmup smaller This user is part of The Proofreading Service.

48px-Face-surprise.svg This user is happy to help n00bs. Leave a message here.
MagicWand.jpg This user wishes they were an admin. Please grant them their wish.
34 This user has recorded 34 audio files because they love the sound of their own voice.

2 This user rewrote 2 pages for Conservation Week, because s/he cares. How many have you rewritten, huh?

US flag This user is American
...and unabashedly proud of it!
(List of American Uncyclopedians)
Mario-lo-res This user is a Gamer and therefore creepy.
Angrygod This user hates religion and is a sinner through and through!
\m/ This user is a metalhead, prone to wearing offensive shirts and headbanging to really loud music. Metalheads also have long hair, but are not to be confused with hippies.
Firefox Logo This user believes the Mozilla Firefox could easily defeat Godzilla.

DC-- logo This user turns to DC++ for all of his illegaly downloaded music and computer needs.
>:3 This user is a lion! RAWR!!!
... This user would be a professional procrastinator, but he or she can't be bothered.
Pi3.14 This user loves pi
Autism11 This user is an aspie and thus a member of The Master Race; bow before his/her intellectual might, puny Neurotypicals! (or alternatively punch the user in the face and take his or her lunch money)

Brain This user's IQ is greater than your's.

Leagueofbenson This user is a member of the League of Benson, and therefore admits that Benson is better than this user.
BOTM BENSON IS BETTER THAN THIS USER.
MS-N This user grew up in a forward-thinking family, and therefore always speaks his mind, you nerd.
en-N This user is a native speaker of English.
wr-N This user is a native speaker of Write-only.
sa-N This user is a native speaker of Sarcasm.
ac-N This user is a native speaker of those African clicky noises.
gb-N This user is a native speaker of Gibberish.
bl-N This user is a native speaker of Blasphemy.
re-4 This user speaks Recondite English at a near-native level.
rh-4 This user speaks Random Humour at a near-native level.
17-3 This user is able to contribute with an advanced level of 1337.
MW-2 This user is able to contribute with an intermediate level of MediaWiki.
enr-2 This user is able to contribute with an intermediate level of Engrish.
grc-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of classical Greek.
ht-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of HTML.
la-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Latin.
ns-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Newspeak.
cpp-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of C++.
css-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of CSS.
java-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Java.
ru-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Русский.
typo-0 This user does not understand Typo and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
fr-0 This user does not understand Français and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
bs-0 This user does not understand Bullsh!t and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
sl-0 This user does not understand sign language and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
il-0 This user does not understand Igpay Atinlay and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
elv-0 This user does not understand Elvish and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
es-E This user only speaks Español because it was a required course in school.
us-E This user only speaks American English because it was a required course in school.
zh-F This user got an F in Chinese and likes their native language better (if they have one).
ja-F This user got an F in Japanese and likes their native language better (if they have one).
de-F This user got an F in Deutsch and likes their native language better (if they have one).
ao-G This user does not speak AOLer and furthermore believes AOLer to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of AOLer.
du-G This user does not speak Dumbass and furthermore believes Dumbass to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Dumbass.
pika-G This user does not speak Pikachu and furthermore believes Pikachu to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Pikachu.
vl-G This user does not speak Valley girl and furthermore believes Valley girl to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Valley girl.
nq-G This user does not speak Nelly queen and furthermore believes Nelly queen to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Nelly queen.
orb-G This user does not speak Ouroboros and furthermore believes Ouroboros to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Ouroboros.
quo-G This user does not speak Quote and furthermore believes Quote to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Quote.
enl-P This f****r speaks English, but Louder heavily laced with profanity that would make a f*****g a*****e sailor blush from all the g*******d blasphemy.
lz-X This user only speaks Lesbian enough to seduce native Lesbian speakers.
This user has been known to type quickly, therefore being more efficent than an AOLer.
Earth This user can be found on the Uncyclopedia Frappr Map.
Windows Logo This user uses Windows because he or she can't get enough of your lover.

MEH This user redefines lazy.
NO This user doesn't care.
Hwinkler

This user thinks that
Mr winkler is GAY, 'cos he gave them an F.



Ooh! Secret link!
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