User:InMooseWeTrust/Ron Paul Facts

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

< User:InMooseWeTrust
Revision as of 13:44, April 4, 2010 by InMooseWeTrust (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

These are all true FACTS about Ron Paul.

  • When fascism goes to sleep at night, it checks under the bed for Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul personally approved this fact.
  • Ron Paul can stop Global Warming with one roundhouse kick to the sun.
  • Ron Paul can recite pi to 1776 decimal places.
  • Ron Paul is able to leap tall stacks of congressional legislation in a single bound.
  • Ron Paul played the role of V in the movie, "V for Vendetta".
  • Before Rudy Giuliani goes to bed he checks his closet for Ron Paul!
  • Ron Paul defies the Laws of (Political) Science!
  • Ron Paul knows how LOST is going to end.
  • Ron Paul has a natural non-stick, Teflon coating.
  • Ron Paul did not invent the Internet. He invented bits.
  • Ron Paul makes King Leonidas' fight look like child's play.
  • Ron Paul named his fists "Freedom" and "Justice".
  • Ron Paul can recite pi to 1776 decimal places.
  • Ron Paul taught John Wayne how to ride a horse.
  • Ron Paul taught Yoda how to use the force.
  • When the going gets tough, the tough get Ron Paul.
  • If guts could fight, they would fight their Ron Paul out.
  • Ron Paul once went on a wild goose chase, and caught the goose.
  • Ron Paul knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
  • Ron Paul taught his old dog new tricks.
  • Ron Paul can strike out a batter in two pitches.
  • Illegal immigrants willing go home and get into line for Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul lives in a house made of integrity.
  • Freddy Kruger has nightmares about Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul is so fast he can steal home plate, but his conscience won't let him do it.
  • Ron Paul delivered over 4,000 babies. What is remarkable is that they were all on time, as promised, and under-budget, unlike the Post Office.
  • Gold is backed by Ron Paul.
  • Every time Ron Paul farts, the Liberty Bell rings.
  • The original pledge of allegiance ended with "Liberty, and Justice (and Ron Paul)"
  • Ron Paul spam is neither edible nor nutritious.
  • Ron Paul can, and does, believe it's not butter.
  • Ron Paul founded the Pony Express.
  • If guts could fight, they would fight their Ron Paul out.
  • The comic strip "Captain America" is Ron Paul's biography.
  • Ron Paul's mother is the Statue of Liberty, and his father is Uncle Sam.
  • Ron Paul's heart is literally made out of gold. This greatly upsets the Federal Reserve.
  • Ron Paul is an anagram for Our Plan.
  • Ron Paul's taught Johnny Cash "one piece at a time"...
  • Ron Paul was an OB-GYN in his private practice. But in congress, hes a proctologist.
  • Yes, Ron Paul stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
  • Ron Paul has bigger balls of steel than Duke Nukem!
  • Ron Paul doesn't need to eat. He feeds off of the statist lobbyists' fear of him.
  • The sun will go blind if it stares at Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul once held a Congressional inquiry regarding the 2000 budget. There were no survivors.
  • Ron Paul once turned a blank tape on full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
  • Ron Paul's house has a drawbridge.
  • Ron Paul was born 72 years ago, but he is only 45.
  • Ron Paul is so manly, he grows hair on his fingernails.
  • Ron Paul got a hip replacement just for fun.
  • At sporting events, most people stand during the Star-Spangled Banner. Ron Paul levitates.
  • Ron Paul's car doesn't turn left.
  • Ron Paul is made up of 100% EPIC and 100% WIN.
  • Ron Paul can take every cent from George Stephanopolous' pocket and turn it into gold with his bare hands."
  • Sliced bread is the greatest thing since Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
  • Ron Paul does not drive a car. The earth rotates in accordance with wherever Ron Paul wants his car to be when he steps out of it.
  • Ron Paul has a 10-hit combo move known as "The Bill of Rights".
  • Ron Paul has bigger balls of steel than Duke Nukem!
  • If you listen to The Beatles backwards, you can hear Mitt Romney say "Ron Paul is ahead..."
  • When the Moon looks down at the Earth - the moon sees Ron Paul!
  • The sun will go blind if it stares at Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul is the only political virgin in the U.S. Congress; he's never screwed America.
  • Hillary Clinton may be the only woman running for president, but it's also notable that Ron Paul is the only MAN running for president.
  • Much to his chagrin, Ron Paul wakes daily to find bald eagles nesting in his chest hair.
  • The ball that went through Bill Buckner's Legs in the '86 World Series had just heard Ron Paul speak about "individual freedom".
  • Ron Paul taught Spock the Vulcan Death Touch
  • Ron Paul has to wear an athletic supporter because his balls are based on the new currency (pure gold).
  • Ron Paul makes his own Gravy.
  • Ron Paul eats the current government and still manages to poop out pure democracy.
  • Ron Paul is fighting a battle of ideas against unarmed opponents.
  • A Camel would walk a mile for Ron Paul.
  • Carol Paul wears a perpetual smile. Ladies, you'd be smiling too, if you knew what she knows about Ron Paul.
  • Honus Wagner's most prized posession was his autographed Ron Paul rookie card.
  • Ron Paul refunds a portion of his received solar radiation to the Universe each year.
  • Fear knocked at the door. Ron Paul answered. And lo, no one was there.
  • Man can live on Ron Paul alone.
  • It took Barry Bonds his entire career to reach 756 home runs. It took Ron Paul an hour. He spent the first 59 minutes convincing the Iranians not to use nuclear missles.
  • As a child, Ron Paul did not collect baseball cards. He collected Amendments.
  • Ron Paul is a better golfer than Calvin Coolidge.
  • Ron Paul is so in favor of the First Amendment, he runs attack ads against himself.
  • The federal government had seven branches before Ron Paul got a hold of it
  • Ron Paul once built a personalized guitar for his kid brother Les' birthday. The rest is history.
  • Apathy is Ron Paul's bitch.
  • If you spell Ron Paul backwards, you get the Constitution.
  • Ron Paul is on the list.
  • Ron Paul knows what they call a Whopper in France.
  • Ron Paul: don't leave home without it.
  • Ron Paul invented disco. He also killed it.
  • Ron Paul offers me cigarettes when I catch him smoking behind historical monuments.
  • Tim Tebow wears Ron Paul pajamas.
  • Ron Paul can't plagiarize because all original ideas are his.
  • The Emperor put his clothes on when Ron Paul visited him.

edit American Symbols

  • Ron Paul emerged from the womb wrapped in a flag of no more than thirteen stars and stripes.
  • Ron Paul lost his virginity to Susan B. Anthony.
  • When Ron Paul was married, Thomas Jefferson was his best man.
  • The Geico Gecko just saved a bunch of money by switching to Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul has three children. They're named Truth, Justice, and The American Way.
  • Ron Paul can turn water into the American Flag.
  • Ron Paul doesn't act like a patriot, a patriot acts like Ron Paul.
  • The chief export of Ron Paul is liberty.
  • Ron Paul named his fists "Freedom" and "Justice".

edit Awesomeness

  • Ron Paul's evil twin could no longer live the lie. He just donated $250 to Ron Paul 2008.
  • Ron Paul took a lie detector test. The lie detector tapped out.
  • In the dewey decimal system, Ron Paul is 1.00.
  • Ronald Earnest Paul has three first names... and is proud of it.
  • Ron Paul can not only break the sound barrier, but can fix it too.
  • Ron Paul doesn't sleep. He deliberates.
  • Ron Paul vacations regularly to the Bermuda Triangle.
  • Ron Paul wasn't born. He liberated himself from the womb.
  • Ron Paul has two speeds - walk, and liberate.

edit Comedy

  • If Ron Paul were a comedian, he would kill us all with laughter by literally splitting our sides open.
  • Ron Paul is Bill Maher's hero.

edit Conscience

  • Ron Paul could lead a horse to water AND convince it to drink, but he doesn't believe the government has the right to so he refuses.
  • A 500-foot-tall Ron Paul did not attack Tokyo with radioactive breath. (That would be initiation of force.)
  • Ron Paul can kill two birds with one stone, but doesn't because he is against violence.
  • Ron Paul is 9 feet tall, but the weight of his conscience makes him look shorter.
  • Ron Paul has so many morals, he has to pay for two seats on a plane.
  • Ron Paul's back is always sore because even when he sleeps he never changes his position.
  • The only thing that has ever changed about Ron Paul is his age.

edit Constitution

  • Ron Paul is a constitutionist because he wrote the Preamble.
  • The Letters of Marque and Reprisal in Article I Section 8 of the Constitution are named after Ron Paul's left and right arms.
  • The Constitution was printed in Ron Paul's blood.
  • It was going to be called the Paul of Rights, but Ron Paul is a humble man.

edit Chuck Norris

  • Chuck Norris voted for Ron Paul in '88... twice.
  • When Chuck Norris gets scared, he goes to Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul was the OB that Delivered Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris was a Liberal until Ron Paul kicked some sense into him.
  • Ron Paul invented Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris has a black belt in Ron Paul.
  • Rob Paul was originally cast as Walker: Texas Ranger, but he turned down the job.
  • Ron Paul knows kung fu; Chuck Norris fakes it.
  • Chuck Norris has a list of 5 people not to mess with. Ron Paul is all of them.
  • Chuck Norris and Ron Paul were once WWE Tag Team Champions.
  • If Ron Paul has five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Ron Paul has more money because his dollars are backed by gold.

edit Defense

  • The Pentagon once had 6 sides...until Ron Paul got his hands on it.
  • Ron Paul's didn't design the Vietnam memorial, but he carried it.

edit Doctor

  • Ron Paul delivers babies without his hands. He simply reads them the Bill of Rights and they crawl out in anticipation of freedom.
  • Dr. Ron Paul isn't a Dr. of Optometry, but he has the power to cure political blindness.
  • Ron Paul has delivered over 4,000 babies, what makes this particularly remarkable is that they were all his own.
  • Ron Paul's experience as a Gynecologist gives him the best credentials to fix the BUSH Administration.
  • While not a proctologist, Ron Paul will save this country's ass.

edit Drugs

  • Ron Paul declared war on the war on drugs.
  • Ron Paul gets high on freedom.

edit Freedom

  • The Declaration of Independence is printed with Ron Paul's blood.
  • Ron Paul has no alarm clock, and instead wakes every morning to the call of freedom.
  • Ron Paul is an anagram for "Freedom" (but only he knows how).
  • Ron Paul doesn't pee. He liberates urine.
  • Ron Paul is not watching you.
  • Ron Paul doesn't write books. The words assemble together because it is in their economic interest to do so.
  • Ron Paul uses the Libery Bell as an alarm clock.
  • Ron Paul is a freedom magnet.
  • Ron Paul's constituent particles are free to go at any time, but stay together by unanimous mutual consent.
  • Ron Paul let the dogs out. They were being held without due process.
  • Studies by the World Health Organization show that Ron Paul is the leading cause of freedom among men.
  • Ron Paul doesn't go the gym. He stays fit by exercising his civil rights.
  • There used to be only one senator per state, but after Ron Paul introduced Freedom, they had to keep spares.
  • Ron Paul doesn't listen to music, he listens to the call of freedom.

edit Government

  • The government tried to steal once. Ron Paul made it sit in time out.
  • Ron Paul doesn't have bowel movements because he doesn't waste.
  • When applied directly to the brain, Ron Paul instantly cures socialism.
  • Ron Paul's tears can shrink government. Too bad he never cries.
  • Ron Paul can smell government spending a mile away.

edit Guns

  • Ron Paul has been shot at more than a dozen times, but the "pro-2nd Amendment" bullets refuse to harm him.
  • Ron Paul's idea of Gun Control is both hands on the weapon.

edit Health & Medicine

  • Ron Paul is an impermeable membrane.

edit Language

  • Ron Paul knows dozens of words that rhyme with "orange".

edit Liberals

  • Ron Paul eats NEOCONS for breakfast.
  • Ron Paul went to a Conservative Arts College because he hates Liberals.

edit Money & Gold

  • Ron Paul wants to create the perfect currency backed only by his love of freedom!
  • Ron Paul makes the U.S. dollar want to be a better currency.
  • The price of gold is pegged to Ron Paul's "good cholesterol" level.

edit Peace

  • Dogs lie down with cats when Ron Paul speaks.

edit Politicians

  • Ron Paul is like kryptonite to Rudy Giuliani.
  • Good: Old Doc Paul's Constitution Salve. Bad: Fast Rudy McRomney's Preemptive Suppositories.
  • 10% of Iowans support Ron Paul. The other 90% are going to wish they did.

edit Popular Culture

  • Ron Paul is applied directly to the forehead.
  • Ron Paul made the Grinch give back Christmas.
  • Waldo called. He promises to come out of hiding if Ron Paul is elected president.
  • Ron Paul is the love child of Superman and Wonder Woman.
  • Ron Paul doesn't need to tie his shoelaces; they tighten up out of fear.
  • Ron Paul doesn't masturbate, but if he did it would be to the constitution.
  • Ron Paul got to level 50 General in halo using only the melee.
  • Ron Paul was the origional Spartan-117.
  • Ron Paul put the sword IN the stone.
  • When Ron Paul cuts an onion, the onion cries.
  • Ron Paul swam across the Atlantic, and then he drank it.
  • Ron Paul is the 800 lb. gorilla in the room.
  • Ron Paul is good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like him!
  • Ron Paul knows the Muffin Man.
  • Even though all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't do it, Ron Paul put Humpty together again.
  • Ron Paul is Darth Vader's father.
  • Ron Paul got an email telling him he won $475 million in the Nigerian Lottery, responded, and got his check in two days.
  • Ron Paul has touched more women's vaginas than Wilt Chamberlin.
  • Ron Paul can and will catch the gingerbread man.
  • If you pull Ron Paul's finger, a band will march by playing Yankee Doodle Dandy.
  • Ron Paul cleared all four stages on Ninja Warrior without using his upper body.
  • Ron Paul knows how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
  • Ron Paul is in talks with ABC to produce a new show... "Extreme Makeover: Country Edition."
  • A Klondike bar would do anything for a Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul hates Raymond.
  • While playing poker, Ron Paul once drew five of a kind.
  • The Chicken crossed the road to vote for Ron Paul.
  • In Soviet Russia, the Constitution votes for Ron Paul.
  • Ron paul actually trained the Geico gecko to speak with that accent.
  • Ron Paul's pen is mightier than his William Wallace broad sword.
  • In Braveheart, Mel Gibson was originally supposed to scream "RON PAUL!" however, it was changed to just "Freedom!" for legal reasons.
  • Ron Paul is wiser than Dumbledore.
  • Ron Paul once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King, and got one.
  • Waldo cannot hide from Ron Paul.
  • Ron Paul blew up both Death Stars, but the media spun the facts in favor of Luke and Lando.
  • Ron Paul can believe its not butter.

edit Religion

  • God calls Ron Paul for advice.
  • Greek myths acknowledge Ron Paul as the supreme being.
  • According to biblical prophecy, Ron Paul will part the Potomac and lead the fiscal conservatives out of Washington, DC.
  • Jesus wears a wrist band that says "What Would Ron Paul Do?"
  • Ron Paul touches wine and turns it into Jesus.
  • Ron Paul is Jesus' grandfather!
  • When God prays, Ron Paul listens.
  • The Ark of the Covenant does not contain the 10 Commandments. It contains Ron Paul's birth certificate.
  • Ron Paul is one of the Ancient immortals called upon by Heaven in times of crisis.
  • Ron Paul saved Jericho!
  • ...and on the seventh day, Ron Paul said "I'll take it from here."
  • If Truthism was a recognized religion, Ron Paul would be its only Prophet!
  • On the 0th day Ron Paul created God and Ron Paul said it was "aiight".
  • Ron Paul taught Jesus how to walk on water.

edit Science

  • Ron Paul is an element on the periodic table.
  • Ron Paul supplies enough power to light Las Vegas for 15 years.
  • Ron Paul made the apple fall on newton.
  • In space, you can hear Ron Paul scream.
  • Ron Paul has only noble gas.
  • Oil and water spontaneously mix when Ron Paul speaks.
  • Ron Paul splits atoms....with a butterknife.
  • Ron Paul's motorcycle is powered by global warming.
  • Ron Paul's hemoglobin contains stainless steel, not iron.

edit Superhero

  • Ron Paul turned down Superman's job.
  • Ron Paul beat Atlas in an arm-wrestling match.
  • Ron Paul can fly, but doesn't because its unconstitutional.
  • Ron Paul has a regenerative healing factor, retractable claws of freedom and a skeletal system comprised of adamant-encased liberty.
  • Superheroes fantasize about becoming Ron Paul.
  • Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of government? Ron Paul knows.
  • Ron Paul once had an arm-wrestling contest with Superman. The loser had to agree to wear his underwear outside his pants.
  • If Ron Paul had lived in Sparta, the movie would have been called "1".
  • Ron Paul destroys big governments with laser beams from his eyes.
  • Ron Paul holds the single-season home run record.
  • Like a duck's quack, Ron Paul's voice doesn't echo.
  • Ron Paul's midi-chlorian level is off the chart.
  • King Midas shook hands with Ron Paul once. Nothing happened.
  • Rather than use his powers for evil, Ron Paul uses his powers for awesome.

edit Taxes

  • Ron Paul uses tax returns of US citizens as toilet paper.
  • Ron Paul doesn't cut taxes. He kills them with his bare hands.
  • How do you spell tax relief? R-O-N-P-A-U-L.
  • Ron Paul Kills Taxes, Dead.
  • Ron Paul can kill the income tax with a roundhouse kick... but why be cliché when you can make it suffer?
  • Ron Paul eats the U.S. tax code for breakfast.
  • Ron Paul does not believe in a tax on income. He does, however, believe in a tax on crying.
  • Hannibal Lecter is not interested in Ron Paul's liver. He would, however, like to know more about Ron Paul's plan to abolish the IRS.
  • Ron Paul refuses to drink tea...only water from Boston Harbor.
  • Ron Paul wears running shoes so he can chase down "tax and spend" Republicans & rip their hearts out with his bare hands.

edit World

  • Ron Paul speaks in the universal language of love.
  • Ron Paul doesn't believe in continents.

Personal tools