User:Iamthetiger/Underground Freezer of Doom

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Revision as of 03:18, August 8, 2011


"Underground Freezer of Doom" (1896) by E. Boiardi.

The Underground Freezer of Doom is a section of the afterlife in pastafarianism reserved for those who have not only defied the existence of His Noodliness, but also committed severe sins or blasphemy.


It is said that the ultimate doom for all FSM unbelievers and perhaps those that happen to look tasty to the aforementioned FSM shall be placed into the "Underground Freezer of Doom" (UFtd).

However this was determined is totally unknown since the terms "Underground", "Freezer", "Doom" and even "the" will have little meaning after the entire universe is restructured into the next confirmed incarnation of FSM into "Large Tasty Beverage" rumored to be very similar to an Italian red wine.

And in the beginning there was red wine, and it was tasty and large...

It is then said that the occupants of UFtD will then be defrosted to go forth and learn the errors of their ways.

Or perhaps new errors.

For their ultimate final embrace in the "Long Nap of Contentment"

Where is it?

The freezer itself is, obviously, underground. Some believers have argued that it is actually in the center of the earth, and that the core of the earth is cold rather than hot. The scientific research outcomes that the center of the earth is hot, have been, obviously, touched by his appendages so that it would only appear that the earth's core is hot. Others say that is is in some completely undefinible place, and that any research done about its location would immediately lead to insanity among scientists.


The freezer is divided into several 'layers', which are actually the shelves of the freezer

Beer vulcanoes

The same as in Pastafarian Heaven, but instead of good, multi-variational beer, the beer is stale and tastes disgusting.

Stripper factories

The strippers have STD's, often vaginal diseases, and are a lot uglier than in heaven.

The shelves

There are seven shelves, and each one that lays higher than another is also colder than the former. Here is the crying, and the gnashing of teeth (because it's just so cold out there).


You obviously, unless you're a really devout pastafarian.

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This page will be re-checked on 15 August 2011
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