User:Hyperbole/Bench press

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

My bench press is 215. What's yours, bro? Looking at you, I'm guessing 140, 150. Oh, 135 pounds? Well, that's great, bro. You just keep up the good work. You'll get there, man. The secret is protein. And reps. You gotta do the reps, bro. You do enough reps, you'll get up to, you know, like 175, in no time.

edit History of the bench press

I've been doing the bench press, working on my pecs, since I was like 13. Gotta look good for the ladies. Am I right, or am I right? When I started, my max was only about 135. I know that's your max right now, but, you know, that's really good, that's good effort, good hustle. High five, bro!

By the time I was 15, I could put up, like, 160, and I started expanding my technique, doing incline bench press, and decline bench press, and dips, bro, lots of dips. The key to dips is reps. You just gotta get really pumped and bust out those reps. Like, you know, you feel that deep burn, and you just grit your teeth and power through it. Nothing like it, bro. And then you slap on some chalk and go do the bench press.

But I don't have to tell you. You know what I'm talking about, huh? About feeling that deep burn in your pecs, and feeling like you just need to eat some eggs or drink some protein, and the next morning you're gonna be ripped? Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

edit Technique

It's important to do the bench press with the right technique. You know, like, first you chalk up your hands, and you get really psyched, and you think "I'm gonna conquer this bar. I'm gonna make this bar my bitch." Am I right? You know what I'm talking about. This guy knows what I'm talking about, don't you?

Oh, and it's a good idea to have a spot. Hey, would you mind giving me a spot? You're not even gonna have to touch the bar. I could totally handle this weight five years ago. Just have a good hard look at my pecs as they flex and contract while I put this mother up. Yeah!! Oh, bro, I'm so psyched to put this bitch up I can't even stand it. I'm gonna crank out so many reps it's sick.

edit Form

Another important thing about the bench press is form. Cause you're not gonna get the right form without doing plenty of the bench press! I mean, you've been looking at my pecs, right, bro? Let me just take my shirt off so you can get a better look. See, check that out. Fucking ripped. Look, I can even make them dance. That's the bench press, bro. Bench press!

No, but don't worry, you'll get there. You've got heart. You're a scrappy guy, but you've got heart. Hey, you want to take your shirt off, too?

No? Well, that's cool, bro, that's cool. Hey, are you getting a load of my tris, and my traps, too? Let me turn around. Check out my lats, bro. That's the bench press for you! Yeah! I love the bench press!

edit So anyway

If you ever need advice on the bench press, you just give me a call, bro. Here's my cell number. Call me any time, day or night. I'll be there any time, to give you a spot, or you could spot me, or we could just, you know, wrestle around. Just cause, you know, it's fun, and we're guys, and that's what guys do, right, bro?

And I just always feel like my tris and my quads and my glutes just get so pumped when I'm pinning a guy down. You know that feeling, bro, of just being massively pumped? That's just the best feeling in the world, just being super pumped. And the ladies love it, too, bro. You know what I mean? Yeah, this guy knows what I mean. It's all about looking good for the ladies.

You know, the Greeks and Romans used to wrestle each other naked. Just, like, two athletic bodies pitted against each other, every ripped muscle straining. What a rush, you know? I'm just saying.

Anyway, like I said, you ever need a spot, or some advice on protein or reps, give a call, bro!

Personal tools
projects