User:Hugowannahoogie/Mexico

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
BENITO JUAREZTEMPLATEasawe
"Der Aztek Großssdeütchesreich"
Jägdchtellltessecktell Häuxdremmvessierhalgd Xstrienöhgntriemhalgdtxschteknickrätxlaidecktell Vöhrdrommüngdschxvier Megdchxschickatell!!!
¡¡Majesterium of the Mexikan Empirium!!
!0mexico flag %Aztekflag
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: ¡AUG,AUG,AUG!
Anthem: "Fuck Venezuela y tu mama tambien" (formerly the Mexican Hat Dance) by Jorge Negrete
!0Mexico  \mathfrak{Der Aztek GroBssdeutchesreich}

 \mathfrak{Los Non-Demokratische Bundesrepublik Das Mexikanos}

 \mathfrak{!!Majesterium of the Mexikan Empirium!!}
Capital Mexico City, also known as Tenochdtitlänn, Nacotitlan, Tikal, Chilangolandia, Guachilandia, and Perth Amboy
Largest city Los Ángeles
Official language(s) Aztek, Mexican, one version of Spanish, Spanich, Spanglish and Nahuatl
Government Two presidents at the same time, one pseudo-Communist government, the other under direct orders from George W. Bush and Benedict XVI.Also Nationalist facism and a glue stick.
‑ Owner The Pope
‑ President Carlos slim Helu (fat)
‑ Vice President General Greasy
National Hero(es) Subcomandante Marcos, El Peje, Zorro, El Chavo del Ocho, Capulina, Luis Miguel, Chapulín Colorado,Chabelo, Cornholio Diego Maradona (soccer[1][2]) and Pancho Villa
Declaration
 of Independence
From Spain: 1610
From USA: 1500
From Soccer: Never
Currency Peso, Dollar,Droga, Cacao beans
Religion Guadalupanismo (Tonantzinismo)
Population 150 million (but ~500 million reside in the USA)
Ethnic groups 99% Mexicans, 12% Indigenous, 89% Emos 1% 18yr olds who cross over to get wasted, and are soon-to-be permanent Mexicans in a Mexican prison.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
~ God on Mexico
“es obio los gringos son...unos hijos de su puta madre, hijos de la gran puta, gilipollas pendejos puto que se creen la gran verga pero no lo son aa la verga!!!”
~ a white mexican on the truth
“¡¡¡Mexico shall be reorganized into the FIRST GALACTIC EMPIRE!!!”
~ Emperor Calderon on Mexican congress
“ ¿Qué?”
~ Where's the bar? on El bar-o!
“¡Ai-ai-ai! ¡Los Policias!”
~ Mexicans on Policia Militar
“¡Ai-ai-ai! El hombre invisible en los pantalones azules!”
~ Bumblebee Man on American tourists
“Crafty Mexicans and their glass candy...!”
~ Peter Griffin on Piñatas
“MOW MY LAWN!”
~ White people on Mexicans
“Mexico, the birthplace of that shredtastic mexican named Kirk and the taco”
~ Mino peric on Mexico
“Hey man, pass the hash”
~ Kirk Hammett on other mexicans
“Si usted puede leer esto, significa que tiene ojos.”
~ You on Mexico
“Is it me or does Cuauhtemoc Blanco have a big fucking head...!”
~ Some random mexican on Socccer guy
“Que es esta mierda que esta saliendo del radio,....es musica banda discupla y lo siento!”
~ Some random mexican on Banda Music :(
“¡Viva la raza homes!”
~ Dumb chicanos who think there mexican but dont speak spanich on Mexican Pride essay
“chinga tu madre pendejo!”
~ your spanish teacher on how to say hello asshole in mexico
“i am an asshole”
~ george w. bush on the truth the real truth

 \mathfrak{Mexiko} also known as Old Mexico, Der Monteßzümerian Reichsrepüblik, Estados esturded Unidos Mexicanos, (trans. "We're deep in sh*t o' Mexico") or it's native Aztek name Failed to parse (lexing error): \mathfrak{Jägdchtellltessecktell Häuxdremmvessierhalgd Xstrienöhgntriemhalgdtxschteknickrätxlaidecktell Megdchxschickatell!!!} is a European nation that is commonly known for being that rampant world of corruption and mediocrity and laziness. It is owned (pwned) by Mexi Co., -a division of Bush Empire- as its name suggests.

Immigrants from Mexico have great difficulty admitting that, because they dont speak american, in the end, mexico sucks major Dick Cheney, but they immigrated to the US to see the american wiggas be...well, themselves. (it's very amusing, ya know?)

It is well known that "fiestas" are in fact badass parties where you can easily get drunk. This is in contrast to spanish parties where spics become overfed and humongously fat from eating lard-drenched french fries, hot-dogs, and hamburgers until they're so fucking fat Marlon Brando invites them to eating contests. Famous for providing one of the most cheap yet despised labor forces in the world (after China), Mexico struggles to find its role in a new and strange globalised economy, where selling tequila to underage gringos who hop over the border just doesn't make the ends meet anymore. Mexico was also recently sued by Texaco for the "Exaco" sound copyright.

Mexico has also recently been declared the world's largest backed up toilet.

It is the world's number one exporter of raw sewage and nuclear waste as well as corn and poor people.(excluding Africa)Oh yea oil too... lot's of it.
Haha

This represents the founding of Mexico....at least I think so.

!0mexicantank

Mexico, one of the few places where it wouldn't be considered weird to see one of these on your front lawn.

edit History

Mexico was discovered for the very first time by the Viking Maciek in the 15th Century, but he needed to leave in order to go to the final concert of Metallurgica. Then, the Spanish rediscovered it when they found a highly advanced society of humans who had merely stumbled upon the land accidentally. As such, they executed, enslaved, and poisoned them untill they managed to take over.

Soon, Mexican culture began to form out of a mix of the Spanish and the natives, by taking the very worst of both worlds and putting them together into an incoherent society. From Spain, they took Bull running, in which Bulls are angered and then forced to chase people down narrow streets, followed by a deadly mauling. The Day of the Dead was also taken from Spain, where the dead are dug up and forced to chase people down narrow streets, followed by a deadly mauling.

From the Maya, a tendency to leave one's country was inherited and is still seen to this day. From the Aztec, a unique tradition of violence was kept in the form of pointless coups, civil wars, military junta's and hostile takeovers that would plague the country for much of its history.

edit Independence

Taco Bell logo2

The crack in the Taco Bell is an iconic symbol in Mexico.

On May 5th, 1810, Mexico declared itself independent from the Spanish empire. Spain quickly retaliated, by sinking the Mayo, Mexico's only ship. This day is commemorated as 'sink'o de Mayo' day.

In Monterrey, the 'Taco Bell' was first raised into the bell tower at Taco Hall to mark Mexico's independence. The clearly visible crack in the bell is a result cheap Chinese slave labor labor. Due to this, the bell inspires pride and patriotism throughout Mexico to this day.

edit First Mexican Empire

Not that interesting, lets' move on

edit Second Mexican Empire

MaximilianoVsJuarez

The battle for the throne of the Mexican Empire as depicted in the popular SEGA Genesis game.

In 1864 Napolean thought that he could set up an empire in Mexico so he sent his vast armies into mexico who were than defeated by starving farmers armed with pitch forks and rocks once again proving french military supremcy. Some other boring political stuff happened too but eventualy it all came down to a supreme battle between Emperor Maximillian and Benito Juarez. Emperor Maximilian used a sword and Benito juarez had him shot with a 12-man firing squad.

edit Turbulent Times

SpeedyGonzales

A wanted poster for the criminal mastermind, Speedy Gonzales.

In the 1960's, a rise in crime began. Speedy Gonzales, a famous mexican criminal, stole approximately 6 Million Worthlos, or 50 Dollars, from Mexican banks in Monterrey, Cancun, and Toluca. Unsuccessful and often humorous attempts were led by President Sylvester "The Cat" Stallone to capture Speedy, all resulting in failure.

In 1972, a massive grass roots campaign was led to elect Pedro as the write in candidate. Pedro was entirely unknown, but nonetheless won the election. Quickly he captured Speedy Gonzales, and ushered in the modern era of Mexico.

edit Pedro's Mexico

After the popular capture of the criminal Speedy Gonzales, Mexico fell into a dark phase where corruption and narcotraffic reigned. Pedro's weak rule allowed for the country to fall into further decadence.

However, where the government failed, the citizenry excelled. Two Mexican patriots, El Mariachi and El Chapulin Colorado (The Red Grasshopper) became vigilantes. They constantly made battle against Mexican drug lords, and the crime network of El Santo. Between 1975 and 1980, this duo managed to lower crime throughout Mexico.

This movement came to an upbrupt end in 1980, when El Santo passed away and was succeeded by Antonio Banderas. Banderas eliminated the vigilantes within months.

Pedro continued to do nothing as President, until in the 1990's he co-founded NAFTA.

“It isn't that we don't have jobs in our beloved nation, it's our job to be here!”
~ Encover Agent Juan on NAFTA

edit Government

Mordor

The Mexican Capital building. A Pemex refinery can be seen in the background producing perfectly safe amounts of pollution LOVE!

Mad fat kid

Typical Mexican politician.

The current Mexican government is the deranged crack-child of the Mexican revolution and well... uh Mexican people. In 1910 Venustiano Carranza got together with the most educated politicians in Mexico which happend to be the dug up corpses of dead aztec leaders (were actually still smarter even though they were dead) to draft plans of a new democratic government with blackjack and hookers actually forget about the democracy. The first Mexican congress aproved the new constitution in 1912 and the mexican people were for the time satisfied until they realised that the constitution had no economic regulations whatsoever and to make matters worse the hookers turned out to be giant pumpkins with holes drilled into them, they were then defecated upon and declared witches. In 1999 the Mexican government was bought out by Telmex which began to privatize every single thing in the country including human souls most of which were bought by the newly formed corporation Soulmex soon every thing in the country was turned in to a private corporation with the suffix "MEX" added to the end of it including the country it self which is now known as Mexmex.

edit Cuisene

Mexican food typicaly consists of various sticks rocks and gravel. Food from Mexico tends to be very hot due to the countries close proximity to hell

edit Economy

Mexican economy

This graph shows just how tremendously diversified the Mexican economy is!

000000ogo20pemex

¡OBEDEZCA! Contrary to popular belief the red drop on the pemex logo is actualy a droplet of oil worker's blood.

The Mexican economy is really top tier, the country has been systematically pillaged and plundered for 70+ years and counting, and still provides for us all! The Mexican economy generates yearly more than 70,000 billion dollars, of which 70% is devoted to paying politician's salaries, 0.1% is devoted to paying the quesadilla makers, 0.89% goes to the biker mice from mars of and 0.01% is spread amongst the needy population. The rest of the money goes for Carlos slim. Milton Friedman repeatedly expressed his bemusement at the Mexican economy's functionality and dynamic pace, claiming that he'd "...never seen something that's as fucked up as that and still works with a certain degree of normality!!

However, Mexico has found an important calling in moving Cocaine and Weed from their points of origin to the flabby fat-clogged, drugged-up, crack-addicted hands of stupid ass americans and all gringos should be glad.


edit Military

Yes mexico does have a military but unlike most armies it is never to be used in conflicts against other nations, for that type of war the president simply calls upon godzilla and Jose Ole. The mexican army is however only used to Oppress and murder helpless mayan chiapas indians and destroy their filthy sub-human communist culture beautify our glorouis faciast empire republic.
Action2g36nv

Mexican soldiers are some of the most friendly people in the world... really.

00000mexsuperhind1

A Mexican Army helicopter, they are said to run on the tears of orphaned children.

Eject

Mexico is known for it's aircraft engineering and piloting skills

List of "Weapons" used by the mexican military

  • Oddly rectangular assault rifles with huge scopes
  • A truck with three wheels which can only go in reverse
  • Several drunk men on horseback
  • Poncho villa!
  • A division of Ex SS soldiers
  • Nikita Khruschev (cleans bathrooms on thursdays)
  • A plane with no wings
  • Plastic nuclear missles
  • Tanks
  • more tanks
  • EMOS!
  • Job stealing action
  • Solar powered stealth bomber
  • Ignorance
  • Mi-Mil 24 helicopters
  • angry man with tequila bottle
  • High-speed reproduction
  • Fellipe Calderon and a sock full of metal shards.
  • Moctezuma, and he's back for revenge! and will soon reak havoc on your intestines.
  • A fleet of pope shaped nuclear submarines.
  • Sticks
  • Rocks
  • Chicle
  • Frijoles
  • Quesadillas
  • Beaner Man!!
  • Sukhoi! Many, many Sukhoi!

edit Kick the Mayan

Mexicanpolice

Juan Sanchez and Ernesto Esquivel hold the highest scores in Kick the Mayan ever!!

Although Futbol is a popular sport in Mexico there is no other game mexican children (and sociopathic adults) love more than Kick the Mayan!!! The rules of the game are fairly simple all you need is an innocent Mayan child and ten or more aztec people . The game starts when the group of Aztecs first spot there mayan prey, they then are usually led on a merry twenty to thirty minute chase or until the Mayan is out of breath and collapses in a puddle of his own urine. The group than surrounds the Mayan and procedes to beat them until they either die or lose conciousness they are then thrown into the back of a police car and taken to an arms factory where they will supply their masters with slave labor until they starve to death. This game is popular amongst many mexican law inforcement agencies especially in Oaxaca.

00000000053021643

The Oaxaca Police team after winning a succsesful game of Kick the Mayan. Score; Police:2,423 Mayans:4

Notable Kick the Mayan Games:

October 2, 1968 Tlatelolco Massacre, Score; Policia Militar:2,724. Mayans:3.

January 1, 1994 Zapatista Isurgency, Score; Mexican Army:4,244. Mayans:14.

June 14, 2006 Oaxaca Protests, Score; Mexican Federal Riot Police:3,214. Mayans:44.

edit Exports

Mexico is famous for its exports. The most famous of which are:

MexicanBasketballAssociation

Basketball is one of the most famous sports here!

Edgar

The fat mexican kid Edgar trying to cross the Rio Grande to go to the United States.

Minigun

Typical Mexican children's toy.

Mexs00

In Nationalist Mexico Government soldier heil's You!!!

00000mx5Eca

The Mexican marine Kore landing in Omaha beach 1944.

00000water 45266

A mexican taco Stand in the country side of veracruz escorted by a Burito copter and a Taco-Tank.

Dietcokewithbacon

The National drink of Mexico, Soda with BACON!!!

  • Mexicans
  • Votes for the Republican party.
  • Emos
  • Angry soldiers in Jackboots.
  • Artillery Shells
  • Mexicans and more mexicans
  • Automatic Weapons
  • Dora the Esplora
  • The Mexican wave!!!
  • Bullets Love and Peace !!
  • Tanks
  • Finely crafted ceramic banks, most of which resemble Bart Simpson
  • Cocaina & Mota lots and lots of mota!
  • Tacos
  • Jennifer lopez
  • Hot Chile
  • Something that Lou Dobbs can rant about every fricking day
  • Mexican Slaves
  • Attack Helicopters
  • Brainworms
  • Roofers
  • Recently, Oscar-nominated movies
  • Uranium
  • Fine Asses
  • Tacos
  • Dead Soldiers
  • Dirty Pendejos
  • Pellizcadas de huevo
  • Illegal Immigrants
  • Detonated Missles
  • Latinas
  • Salsa (the food)
  • Tequila
  • Cowgars Oil
  • Assault Weaponry
  • Tacos
  • Tequila worms
  • Tequila hangovers
  • Tequila mockingbirds
  • Corn
  • Football...er...I mean, soccer.
  • More Mexicans
  • Crack smuggled from Colombia
  • Flour tortillas
  • Tacos
  • Even More Mexicans
  • Color TV (seriously, this is true!!)
  • Cheap Labor
  • Mustaches
  • Mexican Emos
  • Mexican Punks
  • Mexican Heavy Metal Bands
  • Mexican Americans
  • Mexican Chtulhu (known as Carlos Salinas de Gortari)
  • Cholos
  • More Cholos
  • Chinese people
  • Mexican Nerds
  • Mexican Otakus
  • Mexican Hippies
  • Mexican Geeks
  • Mexican Whatever
  • Pirated articles made in China
  • Tacos
  • Texas, California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Utah and a bit of Oklahoma, Kansas and Wyoming (This is true since all of these states where once Mexican soil, and apparently still are thanks to the above mentioned export(s))
  • 75% of the actresses in porn.
  • The 6 million Peso's Man who sells oranges in New York.
  • The Bumblebee Man
  • Lapa
  • Oil
  • Tacos
  • Pharmeceuticals for Americans, who don't mind sacrificing a little quality for low, low prices. (Note: This is disputed by some experts, who claim that Mexico now requires its pharmacists to graduate at least from the 8th grade.)
  • 98% of all the worlds crime
  • More icons of Our Lady of Guadalupe
  • Burritos
  • Beans
  • Spanish Uncyclopedia, called Inciclopedia
  • Narcos
  • Pornstars
  • Guacamole
  • The fat latino girl from grey's anatomy...
  • Catapulted Cinco De Mayo Port-a-Potties
  • Black Plague

Mexico gains greatly from all these exports, providing wealth and comfort for the political class that exactly like the USA, is exceedingly good at doing their job: Conning the people into paying them excessively high salaries.

edit Imports

Mexico, though hard to believe, also imports several important things. It is argued that the most important of these are dictionaries and playboy magazines. A list of the most known Mexican imports:

Jesusworeaponcho

Jesus Wore A Poncho


  • Poverty
  • Chinese tales
  • Those fucking mayans
  • Will Smith movies
  • Rap music
  • Over-used condoms
  • Breast implants (for pigs)
  • Fatness (from America)
  • Italian pubic spaghetti
  • American culture
  • Mexican people to ruin Mexico
  • Debt (this is disputed to not be an import since it is electronic and there is no electricity in 99% of Mexico.)
  • Mexicans from Argentina
  • Mexicans from Cuba
  • Sugar, corn, and other agricultural products that mexicans worship as magical beings
  • Drugs made in Mexico from America
  • Untelligence
  • Old world ass-kissing the Boss.

edit How do they do it?!

HPIM1940

Alcohol and frequent inebriation play a vital role in calming the social unrest that pervades Mexican society

The Mexican society has risen to topple tyrannical regimes before, but ever since has been in a state of slumber, patiently bearing unnecessary burdens placed upon the Mexican people by the politicians. To help cope with the stress inherent to such a task, Mexicans employ a variety of things:Straight man activities
Mewhenreadingstupidstuff

When Mexicans use computers.

All of this serves as a steam exhaust pipe for social frustration, channeling it through the right paths - the paths of "I don't give a fuck, I'm too lazy/tired/ignorant to do anything about this country being messed up".

edit Language

People in Mexico speak a language called Mexican. It is rumored to in fact be a plagiarized version of Spanish, however these claims are unfounded. About 0.001% of Mexicans still speak Aztek a language made up of yells, burps and vommiting. The Aztek language is also the world's only language known to contain more Ümlats and be louder and more violent than German but no one cares. Aztek is spoken mainly in central Mexico around Mexico city (Tenochitlan) it is charecterized by the over use of X, Ü, K, Ä, ß, UA, Ö, SCH, Ë, ZH, TUL, V, VKS, and other sounds unpronouncable by average human beings. Some Mayan pig-men people still speak The language of those stupid little llama fucking midgets Mayan which is just constant farting.


edit Useful Aztek phrases and their Translations

  • Eehekätaül eüazf huavloßss deiner vaüntienen krüvxtl!! - I am not sexually deviant!!
  • Oëxkub schlüatumek vëlerdrümen ëxital xult vauter eaüzf! - My, what a nice uniform Mr.Policeman.
  • Kruavierner Schlüooßsoxtl driersner roüxesfvlounerä. - You're wife is beuatiful sir.
  • Raußësschklub Xüikötl autklinëfliyngin strüx tßlr ëtrxlausf derner? Why are you sticking that rifle in my face?
  • Daurnießschxuröllsekveinder klaumotënpec schüaienmeinler hielëhkuaptore einscht kluatl vërförnoughtkunkur!!! - Your fucking Helicopter crushed my house!!!
  • Flaunen xüahaisskönmengen schölivenürt üoltolt Suabvkömiendantai Mharkoßss!!!! - I don't even know who Subcommandante Marco is !!!!
  • Xühaußketvolauverenier köslt verayer türuaßesk veineistschftlek!?! Why the hell do you want me to take my pants of in a "resturaunt"!?!

edit Useful Spanish phrases and their Translations

  • Pinche gringo pendejo. - Good evening, Sir. May I say that your you look especially wise and eloquent today?.
  • ¡Este pinche gringo está gordo como una ballena! ¡Ven a verlo Juan!- This gentleman looks very robust. Come Juan and see!
  • Ya eres un maldito gringo no? Ya te dieron la grin carr no??? - I'm glad you are in the USA.
  • ¡Devuélveme mi cartera, cabrón! - (Gimme back my wallet asshole!) Useful for when you're drunk at a mexican beach, because lord knows you're a stupid ass American and sly Mexicans can easily take advantage of YOU.
  • Ahorita (lo hago) - I will do it 3 months from now.
  • Mi casa es tu casa. - Your wife is my concubine. Also, please move-in , freeload,in my house and bring your friends too.
  • Mañana te pago - You'll never see your money again, stupid ass Gringo!
  • Esto es un Complo - AMLO Favorite!
  • Soy un pejendejo - Another AMLO favorite!
  • La última y nos vamos - Sarcastic way of saying that we will, in fact, keep drinking all night.
  • Sólo la puntita - I will give you 6 meters of dick.
  • Yo no fui/Yo no sé - A very good possibility that in fact, he/she did DO IT or knows who did but isn't about to tell your stupid gringo ass.
  • Güey - A superfluous sentence ender, akin to the Canadian "eh?"
  • Madonna - McDonalds
  • ¡Chinga tu pinche madre, mamón, hijo de puta, cabrón! - Hello? You must be of aristocratic lineage!
  • Me vale verga - Of course your opinions are important.
  • Mexicanos de mierda como no se mueren hijos de puta!!- I'm gringo
  • Ni madres! chinga tu madre ! nunca me vas a cachar asiendo eso -

Your mother must be of fine upbringing.

  • pinche gringo , matates a mi hermano y te voy a patear tan fuerte en las bolas, que nunca vas a caminar - no i won't hurt you
  • Vieja, mira al Bush! Manda soldados Mexicanos a la guerra! - Look Mary, Bush just knows what to do!
  • Al rato - Never
  • Mira - Look
  • Soy Racista pinche negro!- I love you
  • soy azteka pero no un pinche negro- I love you too
  • Pinches negros pendejos - I'm im love with you baby

edit Law Enforcment

Cop has gun. You give cop money. Cop dose not shoot you in face. Walk away. *BOOM*

Mexicanriotpolice

Mexican riot police.

edit Important Cities

Dresden in trümmern

An all-time splendorous Guadalajara, the City of the magic turkey baster

Omega Raccoon

A Sunday morning in Ciudad Juarez.

  • Rape City
  • Los Angeles
  • Phoenix
  • El Gran Queso
  • San Diego
  • Pinata
  • McAllen
  • San Antonio
  • Houston
  • Miquihuana, Tamaulipas
  • Chicano Chicago
  • Tepez Coloyo
  • Miamidolid
  • Suizantun
  • Lomas Turbas
  • Tetela Tasco
  • Tenalgeo el Grande
  • Tejeringo El Chico
  • Valle Drogado Dorado
  • Techingotitlan
  • Tecate
  • Corona
  • Nigeria
  • Tanpuerco Tampico
  • Anchorage and Juneau
  • Teotihuacantikal
  • Zapatista
  • Cancun (only during spring break, however)
  • Chicxulub (because T-rex said so, and he's da boss)
  • SilamonaSINALOA!
  • Mugrelia Morelia
  • LOMAS HAJEAS
File:Mexiconuketruck.jpg
0000Untitled

Some say that Felipe Calderon's subtle tactics for gaining popularity are a just bit to intimidating

edit Tourism

pic81.jpg Mexico is famous for its bitches... er, I mean, beaches.

Most people from the US and Europe arrive to see what they believe is Mexico according to funny cartoons and old movies, so politicians deliberately leave enormous sections of the country undeveloped for the tourists to see. Like the traditional donkey riders or the big sombreros (which in Mexico go by the term: hat).

During the spring break season, the country receives lots of gringo students ready to drink most of the national supply of Tequila and make mexicans mow their lawns. Mexicans are well aware that gringos are the best race on earth and this makes them clean up their shoes deribelately.

!0mexicanpoliticalprocess

This reference chart explains how leaders are elected in Mexico;1. You "choose" your canidate (usualy at gun point) 2.Canidate screws up in some way after being in office for 2 weeks 3.Canidate ends up behind bars on death row 4.Boom

edit Not-able Presidents of Mexico

Evolution of the Mexican Emo

Benito Juarez is though to have started Mexico's emo movement.

0000S&W108282ME

This basically sums up the mexican government

  • Guadalupe Victoria: The first president. Not to be blamed for the mess Mexico currently is.*
  • Did you know that 70% of the mexican presidents shoppped at Victorias Secret...for themselves.
  • Vicente Guerrero: first and only black president of Mexico.
  • Benito Juárez: A greasy guy that is remembered as a national hero, fought for the separation between evil church and state. First American Indian to be elected emperor president and coincidentally the last.
  • Porfirio Díaz: Invented reelection. A new number in mathematics had to be invented to count the number of times he got elected and governed. He also instaured the only train lines that exist in Mexico, the first electricity installattions and the subway. He also tried to get away from making deals with the US.
  • Pedro Lascuráin: Ruled for half an hour in 1913. Did not have the time to screw up the country and there and therefore considered one of the most successful presidents ever.
  • Álvaro Obregón: Lost his arm on the battlefield and his life in a restaurant.
  • Miguel Alemán: Leader of the famous "Golden Age" of Mexico when rivers flowed with milk and honey, and chocolate bon-bons would occasionally shower the peasants' spontaneous festivals of joy. (Source: My mom, who claims that we're distantly related to him.)
  • Gustavo Díaz Ordaz: Third chimp president in Mexico.
  • Luis Echeverría: Set new standards for incompetence and mismanagement. General opinion was that it couldn't possibilly get any worse. But that was before power was handed over power to...
  • José López Portillo y Pacheco: He managed what no other mexican president could do - skyrocket inflation to an astounding 156&023K48A98M4902% in his six years of service. He was also the first dog ever to take charge in the world with people often barking at him.
  • Carlos Salinas de Gortari: Known for making Mexico America's garbage can.
  • Manuel Labor: Embodied the spirit of Mexico and its people like no other president. Mexican voters related to him in an unprecedented manner.
  • Luis Donaldo Colosio: Known for dying during a sexual intercourse with the same piñata Benito once had sex with.
  • Ernesto Zedillo Ponce de León: If you're a PRI follower, he's the bastard who handed in power to the opposition. If you're anybody else, he's the bastard who handed in power to incompetent fools and religious zealots.
Un poquito

Felipe tells us about the size of his penis! how much the economy will grow under his presidency!

  • Vicente Fox: Father of Michael J. Fox and author of the book "How to erase the dividing line between church and state" in a co-authorship with Pat Robertson. First mentally challenged person from an opposition party to be elected for office. He had a great ability to fuck things up internationally everytime he spoke.
  • Felipe Calderón Hinojosa: Like Vicente Fox 2.0 but half the height and with an extreme Hitler/Napolean complex.
  • Poncho Villa Jong-Il: Liked running around the border pulling down outhouses and shooting himself in the head. Not a particularly notable president, but he did encourage the Zapatista rebels to wear raincoats.
  • Andrés Manuel López Obrador : Self proclaimed "legitimate" president of Mexico. Second Mentally challenged president from an opposition party to be elected ......at least in his mind.
Nazi Clonestormtrooper

A member of Felipe Calderon's elite guard unit.

edit Bloodbath

Recently They Won The Bloodbath World Cup 1970,1986,And 2002.They Also Missed The Trip To The Bloodbath World Cup 2006,Due To The Loss Of Money Like Nigeria.

edit Notable mexicans

Joseph goebbels was always a small, sickley child. All of his features were small, the doctors at first thought he was a female because his dick was so small that they couldn't see it at first.

Goebbels was born into a jewish bolshevick communist family, with two fathers (one of which had a womb transplant to be able to give birth to goebbels).

edit All your election are belong to us

All your base AMLO FECAL

The ultimate battle for power. TAKE OFF EVERY VOTE!

- In A.D 2006...
- Election was beginning.
- AMLO: What happen ? It's a compló[t]!
- Leonel Cota: Somebody set up us the fraud.
- Claudia Sheinbaum: We get signal.
- AMLO: What you say! this show the great complot against me, everyone is against me! - teh PAN, teh PRI, teh CISEN, teh government, Vicente Fox, Carlos Salinas, the people, the politicians!!
- Loenel Cota: Uhmm... ok. Main screen turn on.
- AMLO: It's you !! It's a compló[t]!
- Felipe Calderón: How are you gentlemen !!
- Felipe Calderón: All your election are belong to us.
- Felipe Calderón: You are on the way to destruction.
- AMLO: What you say!! It's a compló[t]!
- Felipe Calderón: You have no chance to challenge election make your time.
- Felipe Calderón: Ha ha ha ha ....
- Leonel Cota: Captain !!
- AMLO: Take off every VOTE!! It's a compló[t]!
- Leonel Cota: You know what you doing.
- Leonel Cota: Move 'file for election to high court'.
- AMLO: It's a compló[t]!. I was counting to rule and steal like my hero Zambo Chavez in Venezuela!!

!0mexicanofficer

Mexico was the first country to succesfully pull of the "vote or die" campaign. (1910)

!0mexicanballot

This is basically what a presidential ballot looks like in Mexico.



News-hindie If you are offended by this article, consider reading [[{{{1}}}|this]] instead!


MEXICANPOLOTICSah1
Quebecsnow
Countries and territories of North America
America: United States of America | Confederate States of America
Canada: Canada | Canadia | People's Republic of Canada | Canada States
Everyone else: Awesome land | Not So Awesome Land | Barbados | Cuba | Dominican Republic | Haiti | Jamaica | Mexico | Tortuga | Trinidad and Tobago
Dependencies
Acadia | Bermuda Triangle | Duchy of Björk | British Virgin Islands | Caribbean | Cayman Islands | Greenland | Gulf of Mexico | Martinique | Monkey Island | Orgasm | Pen Island | St. Pierre and Miquelon | Puerto Rico | Québec | Tropico | U.S. Virgin Islands | Wikiland
Commonwealth of Independent States - Former USSR Republics
Russia ~ Belarus ~ Ukraine ~ Estonia ~ Latvia ~ Lithuania ~ Moldova ~ Mordova ~ Azerbaijan ~ Kazakhstan ~ Kyrgyzstan / Krgystan ~ Mongolistan ~ Ghettoistan ~ Turkmenistan ~ Uzbekistan ~ Tajikistan ~ other Stan countries ~ Alaska ~ Israel ~ Soviet Britain
Template:SouthAmerica
Personal tools
projects