Today's Featured Article - Cleopatra
Cleopatra of Egypt is the most famous woman who has ever lived unless you count Miley Cyrus. She was the smart Queen of Egypt who shrewdly manipulated a succession of Roman generals including Julius Caesar and Mark Antony to get her own way. If they thought of her as a bit of classy 'Egyptian rumpy pumpy', Cleopatra was also busy working out how to extract the maximum political benefit from her selective couplings. As Cleopatra would say in private:'Rome be damned, what is that collection of shacks compared to Alexandria? I would straddle their women if it meant I was in charge of a new Romano-Hanky-Panky world.
Cleopatra Neon 'Pitta-Patter' was born around 69 BC in Alexandria , Egypt to Pharaoh Ptolemy 'The Loosest Flute in the Orchestra' and Cleopatra Jones, an African-American-Welsh political activist who was in the city on her gap year... (more...)
Yesterday's Featured Article - Doncaster
Doncaster is an exclave in the North of England. It holds the unique position of being the only Scottish settlement whose inhabitants will not get to vote in Alex Salmond's Doon-wi'-th'-sassenach poll in 2014.
Situated on a Roman road, the area was a convenient place for the barbarians to settle once the Romans got bored and left the island. Naturally, the road attracted an ample supply of poultry, and the people could always follow it someplace else if their new home proved to be a dump.
Or so they thought. The Scots invaded without warning in the 1130's, but for unknown reasons decided to let the English administer things once again twenty years later, without ever officially giving the town up. Despite the uncharacteristically peaceful nature of the Scots' departure, the English built a wall around the place — just to be safe — and control all entry and exit points with gates.(more...)
Did you know...
- ...that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (pictured)
- ...that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ...that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ...that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
- ...that it was I who let the dogs out?
- ...that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ...that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
In the news
On this day...
December 19: You Want Some of THIS! Day (Detroit, MI), Beginning of Blueberry Harvest Season, Hitler steals my bike. I took a monster dump.
- 927 - The Brits conquered and killed all the Engs but named the country England as a sign of good sportsmanship.
- 1219 - Some Random Middle Aged Guy could've figured out that the year and day were the same (12/19/1219) but he was in the Middle Ages and thus was too busy jousting. Then the nigga he was joustling stole hisbike.
- 1912 - Some Random Middle Aged Gentleman from Britain realises that the year and day were also the same, (19/12/1912) and commemorates his 693-yr old American ancestor by pillaging, drinking and regretting [it].
- 1939 - Hitler freaks out, realizing he only has six days left of Christmas shopping left. Then not one, but 6 Million niggas steal his bike and escape his 'hood.
- 1974 - International Christmas Day announced (observed by the Internation Foundation of Kids Who Can't Wait Another Week)
- 1976 - Radical X was created by his mother in MS Paint. Then a nigga steals his bike.
- 2001 - Michael Flatley Gay Porn music and dance extravaganza Lord of the Rings released to largely horrified reception.
- 2005 - National "Write the word 'gay' really long day" begins on spoof encyclopedia-related website. Then a Hitler steals his bike.
- 2006 - That Guy appears. Again. And he dies. The leader of the GOOAH is poisoned.
- 2017 - Mike Ditka saves the world from Vin Diesel anti-chavs. Then a nigga steals his bike.
- 2018 - Chuck Norris saves the world from Mike Ditka when the Roundhouse (London) kicks him in the foot. Whitney Houston gains intelligence and steals Chuck's bike.
- 2019 - Mr T destroys the world from Chuck Norris by hitting him so hard that Chuck becomes aware of all of his floors and saves his own life. Then Oprah comes and steals Mr. T's bike, which he stole from Whitney Houston, which she stole from Vin Disel, which he stole from a gay, which he stole from a nigga, which he stole from Radical X, which he stole from the Jews, which they stole from Hitler, which he stole from a random middle age guy.