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Today's Featured Article - HowTo:Drive your car out of a lake

ScubaCar01

Parking your car in a lake is easy. Maybe you’ve left your car in neutral on a steep embankment next to a lake and gravity did the parking for you. You may have mistaken the lake for a rippling parking lot filled with cresting wave-like shopping carts. Or you parked your car in a ditch at the start of monsoon season and the lake sprang up around it. Regardless, the easy part is over. Now you face the more difficult challenge – getting the car back out of the lake. You could hire a tow truck to drive in after it, but that is a costly business. Similarly, a crane could be employed to retrieve your vehicle, provided it has ample bill length and unnatural avian strength. Or you could just drive your car out of the lake. Really, it’s the only rational choice.

To find your car, swim directly into the lake. If the car is floating it will be easy to spot, although some turtles may be mistaken for a floating car. If you find a turtle -- keep searching, as this is not your car but a reptilian imposter. If the car is sunken, the process for locating it is trickier. Sunken cars require scuba gear, a metal detector and, if the lake is dark, a strong flashlight. Now plumb the lake’s depths to locate your missing vehicle. If the metal detector or flashlight stop working, check the batteries.

Once you’ve found your car, you must get inside. If the car is floating, the act of getting inside may cause it to sink. This is a good thing, as you need the car to be at the bottom of the lake in order to drive it. (more...)

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Did you know...

Topless woman 11111
  • ...that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (pictured)
  • ...that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
  • ...that your birth certificate is an apology letter from condom factory?
  • ...that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
  • ...that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
  • ...that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ...that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?

In the news

On this day...

February 12: International write in Graeco-Latin day (Graeco-Rome)
  • 3+3=3: Rutty, toot, toot, toot'n Graneco-Labrador fiesta!
  • 444: Yo' momma.
  • 555: Stan's stanies, the Stannites, instan Stan.
  • 666: Satan's satanies, the Satannites, insatan Satan.
  • 777: Santa's santaies, the Santaites, insanta Santa.
  • 888: With No one left, the Barbarians invade Rome for the sake of it.
  • 999: To commemerate this loss, Graceo-Roman Day is celebrated. We just wanted to tell you the history first.
  • 1809: The holy profit of Evolutionism, Charles Darwin is born.
  • 101010: Ouidis cognis qui, ma Helle-Romanis di est non iubil.
  • 111111: Id qua.
  • 121212: Extra insanis numers plus ad datus.
  • 131313: Lorem Ipsum, dolar sit amet...
  • 1337-1337: L0rem 1p5um, d01ar 5i1 am31000
  • 141414: Igpay Atinlay inay useay.
  • 151515: Pigay Greekay niay seiay.
  • 161616: Gpiay Reekgay-Manroay inay eusay.
  • 181818: Ganroay peekhay roy.

View tomorrowMore anniversaries...

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Rembrandt, featured on 12 February 2015. See the featured version.
Cheka, featured on 12 February 2014. See the featured version.
Desperate Dates, featured on 12 February 2013. See the featured version.
Frog Semen, featured on 12 February 2012. See the featured version.
A Study of Existentialism within Speed 2: Cruise Control, featured on 12 February 2011. See the featured version.

Today's featured picture

Paul the Obscene

St Paul the Obscene exposing himself to the Sanhedrin - Verse 69, Lewd Acts of the Apostles

Image Credit: Mhaille
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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