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I do not agree to license my submissions under the House of Commons license, the Creative Common South Africans license or even the Gnu. I release content under my own terms, known as My Non-Free Documentation License, whereby everyone can read the content freely but must, after thirty days, eat a plate of peas stampeded by a herd of elephants. In addition, to reproduce the content you must contact my office in Kerguelen before shouting 'I have a thousand small cheeses in my pocket!' at the top of your voice whilst standing atop the highest building in your street.

Failure to comply with these laws can result in loss of life or even wife. In the event of dispute, give me the loot.

edit Personal Terms

I am free to submit copyrighted work without permission because I am above the law. Literally - I live in a flat above the police station. For proof, see your local camping supply depot - they sell all sorts of tent proofing and some bent roofing.

My work will not be mercilessly edited and redistributed at Will because I killed Will. Also, you cannot reproduce content elsewhere because there is no content to distribute in the first place. Haha! You are, however, free to distribute the following:

I once knew a guy named Dave
He cut off his hand with a stave pave
Ing stone

In addition, you are free to distribute papers, lies about my parenthood, football stickers and reliable distributors. But not Pogs, they suck.

I definitely did not write this myself, although the voices in my head had a significant input. What do you think I am, literate or something? No, I got my dictaphone to write this for me and a small beetle to do the spell checking.

I can assure you that all authors are attributed, retributed and destituted. The original Arthur has been notified and duly assassinated by blind clay pigeon shooters. I am also using this work for commercial gain, as I need £500 more for my holiday home in Azerbaijan. I am also using the work for commercial grain on my maize farm in Cheadle, and for commercial pain in my dungeon.

I have not copied this text from the public or even pubic domain. I have pulled it from the monster's domain in the Domainian Republic and pulped it beyond all recognition in order to claim it as my own work. In addition, I am not submitting my work here, but there.

edit Severance

I claim severance pay for anyone decapitated for the purposes of this document. Severence of other body parts are not covered under this license or even acts of God, Rod or a piece of cod. For that, see Mod. Severance of elephants is completely unrelated (not to mention inhumane and disgusting) and does not warrant a mention.

edit Disclaimer

And if you believe all that you'll believe anything.

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