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Back Yard Cricket is a loose variation on the sport of cricket that takes place in the back yard or garden. It is the national sport of Australia, but it is played in all cricketing nations and is also popular in Britain, the sub-continent and Kerguelen. It is also played in parts of the Arctic, with scientific stations hosting competitions between each other on a regular basis.
The rules, termed as 'laws', governing Back Yard Cricket are similar to those pertaining to the 'full' version of the sport. However there are variations on this, the majority of which are detailed as follows.
edit Run Scoring
Scoring of points, or 'runs' differs greatly from venue to venue, vastly depending on the and the various items contained within. There is no fixed set of run-scoring guidelines, but these can be categorised into the following generally accepted rules, with point allocation for both small-scale and large-scale arenas given:
- Hit the fence on the bounce - 2 or 6 runs;
- Hit the fence on the full - 1 or 4 runs;
- Decapitate the cat - 6 bonus runs. Extra 4 if the cat's resulting attacks can be avoided without injury;
- Hit the rotary dryer - 2 runs. 1 bonus run for each clothes peg knocked off line;
- Hit your opponent's cajones - 10 runs. Extra run for every minute needed to recuperate;
- Smash a window - No run penalty, but possible financial penalty may result, depending on who owns the window and if you can escape in time.
edit Getting 'Out'
A player is deemed as 'out' when:
- Their wicket is hit;
- They are 'caught' - 'one bounce' rule operation (variant);
- The ball enters an adjacent garden.
- The ball knocks over the player's own can of beer. Note: 4 runs scored if it is opponent's can.
edit Fielding Positions
- Tree stop. Halfway up the grand oak at the bottom of the garden.
- Van man. On top of the caravan.
edit Rebels infiltrate Uncyclopedia
A secretive group of anti-uncyclopedians have infiltrated the very membrane of the wiki. Reports have today shown that recent disruptions relating to downtime and a spate of sub-standard articles have originated from IP's belonging to members of the rebel group.
edit Waiting For The Green Man
Waiting For The Green Man is a profound psychological and sociological concept which is often used to explain monotonous situations in an informal fashion. It has many implications and applications relating to everyday life.
edit The Concept
The generally accepted version of the idea revolves around the familiar situation which many people find themselves in on a regular basis: that is, waiting at a road crossing for the green man to appear so that crossing is made possible. However, in modern philosophy, the concept has come to mean much more than this simple physical process. It is commonly used to answer man's questions such as why toast always lands butter side down and as and has a major part in explaining the true meaning of existence. Thus, specialists and researchers have put forward the following range of applications within human existence.
edit Not long for this world
The general mainstream, public knowledge of the concept, and its most common application, relates to the process of abduction by extraterrestrial beings. This refers to the psychological state where the individual concerned is adamant that they have in fact been, to use the common term, abducted by aliens. The phrase 'little green man', popularised by 1960s media, predominantly film and television, has since become an accepted term in modern society.
This particular explanation of the concept revolves around the idea of an individual living their life in constant wait for the green men. To the onlooker, it can be extremely disturbing to witness the frequent hysterical outbursts that are often associated with this mental state: often phrases such as "the green man is coming for me" are misinterpreted as mental retardation. However this is generally not the case: many people who seciety generally regard as 'intelligent' have suffered this condition and have gone on to recover fully. One notable example of this is the case of Professor Stephen Hawking, who as a result of contracting this condition was rendered wheelchair-bound. However he has since become the pioneer of global marketing phenomenon butt-flavoured dog treats.
edit Green Man International
edit Feral Wikipedians
Feral Wikipedians are a particularly brutal sub-species of Wikipedian. They are characterised physically by their aggressive stance constant manic grins and cybernetically by their tendency to stalk and attack members of online communities.
edit Walking Stick
The humble walking stick. The inconspicuous piece of wood which can be used to aid balance and mobility. Practical, but not that interesting, you may think. But this is where you are wrong. The walking stick has, in actuality, many other less boring practical uses in everyday (and not-so-everyday) life.
Remember, kids. Ask Grandma/Grandad/Uncle Jimbo's permission before borrowing their walking stick!
It is a little know fact that a walking stick can be used to practice the sport of golf. Once the stick is turned upside down, it becomes an excellent putter. Purchase a number of them with varying thicknesses of handles and grips to assemble an inexpensive set of designer golf clubs! But that's not the only sport in which the walking stick is useful. Removing the grip and sanding down the end to the correct degree can result in a handy substitute for a snooker/pool cue. Useful for those situations when those pesky kids snap your prized, championship-winning cue.
Other uses: Melee weapon, guitar, grabber
edit See Also
edit Dr. Roo
Dr. Roo is a prominent Australian agony uncle. He currently presents an evening talk show on Channel 9. The theme music to the show is 'Wizardin' the Tardis', sung by the house band, a cross between Men at Work and a (bad) Rolf Harris tribute.
Oh yeh, and he's a kangaroo.