User:High Gen. Grue/TYATU/90

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TYATU: Episode 90, A New Hope


(Darth Engelsfair has shaped the Earth into his own image, and the Commie Star is destroying many Capitalist Rebel crafts. The group is either in trouble, or hiding. The world's fate... is in our heroes' hands. The space battle looks grim for the Rebels, losing ships every second. But can the group destroy the Commie Star, AND ESCAPE? Can they convert Darth Communist back to the Light Side(yeah right)? The universe is waiting...)


Froggy: Ribbit, motherfucker.

Commtrooper: You already said that line before, dipshit.

{Froggy rips the guard's head off with his tongue)

Communist Officer: Intruders in the Commie Star!

(Commtroopers try to capture the group, and are killed)

Commie Commander: Fire at wil- <dies>

(Ronalds suddenly knocks out the entire group, and captures them)

Lord Ronalds: You don't know the power... of the Dark Side...

Benson: YOU FOUL VILLAIN!!! YOU MAKE ME...REALLY...ANGRY!!!

(Benson becomes the Hulk, and is knocked out)

(Froggy holds his Gat aloft)

Froggy: Don't ribbitin' move, lest I cap thou motherfucker!

(Froggy gets knocked out by a second Commie, and put in a glass jar; said commie dies from the poison)

Froggy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Er, ribbit.

(Scene to the Air Ducts, as everyone else has been captured by commies)

Han: These blueprints I found say that a trapdoor into Engelsfair's throne room should be right-

(Trap door sends Han and Aquarii into the throne room)

Darth: You have finally decided to be a commie?

Han and Aquarii: Eh...no.

Darth: So be it. Jedi Capitalist... <takes out red LaserHammer and sickle>

Han: What the fuck? <Takes out Laser sword>

(Lightsaber fight starts)

Darth: *cough*

(Han and Darth Communist jump onto a catwalk high above the throne room)

(Aquarii eats popcorn while watching the duel on a plasma HDTV from the next room, scene switch to the dungeon, the group is back in their chains, except this time, everybody is in the Euroipods chamber, and Indy can't watch the Contents-style flamewar )

Bob: Welcome back! Who's ready to play... Wheel of Torture!

Adam: The rules?

Bob: We spin each of you on this giant wheel, and the form of torture your head points to will be your way of being tortured.

Dizberg: What?

Emmzed: Ohhhh! "Be soaked in Maple Syrup?"

Bob: It says "Be deprived of Maple Syrup."

Dizberg: As long as I don't get turned into Maple Syup, it's all cool.

(Bob chains Braycat to the wheel, and spins, and Braycat's head points to all Indians lose their land)

Braycat: AAAUUGGHH!!!

Adam: This Euroipods thing is great!

(Bob chains and spins Adam, his head ends up pointing to Contents)

Adam: ARRGGHHH!!!

(Bob chains and spins Indy, who ends up being the victim of Contents)

Indy: WOOHOO!!!!

Bob: Wait, that's a fluke...

(Bob spins him again, this time it points to Enncyclopedia Dramatica, everyone gasps, even Bob.)

Indy: NOOOOOO!!!

Bob: Whoa... who added THAT?

(Bob chains and spins Priest, who ends up pointing at Hell.)

Priest: God!

(The wheel suddenly spins to being in the Euroipods cell)

(Benson is strapped up, and spun, pointing at Not being able to yell)

Benson: That's not fair!

(Everybody gasps)

Bob: Next?

(Bob spins Dizberg, who points to Snakes)

Dizberg: OUROBOROS!!!

(Wheel unexpectedley changes to Pancake-flavored pancakes)

Dizberg: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Scene switch to Darth Communist's Throne room, Lightsabers clash...oh, lightsaber and lighthammer and sickle...)

Han: You villain! You can't be my father!

(Darth Communist slices off Han's hand)

Han: AGHHHHHH! You WILL still lose!

Darth: No I won't!

Han: Yes you will!

Darth: No I won't!

Aquarii: BOMB!

Darth: What?

(Both light beam weapons explode out of their hands)

Darth: I still have my Lasersickle! <Drops it>

Darth: Crap. Wait, I have 50 more laserhammers and lasersickles in my sack!

(Back to the torture room. Shandion is on the wheel. The wheel points to Animal cruelty and dead dog)

Shandion: GARM III!!!

(Shamus is strapped next. It's spinned and stops on Prohibition)

Shamus: AAA!

(Next is Robert Gates, spun to Porn loss. All of Robert's porn is destroyed!)

Robert: NOOOOOOOO!

Everybody else: YAY!

(Ho Chi Minh is strapped to the wheel, spun to Dip in hot vat of plastic to become an American Express card)

Diem: ONLY I CAN DO THAT!

(Back at the Throne room, Han is holding on to a weather vane thing, and used the force to have his hand back on his arm)

Darth: Great. I forgot all about the force. I CAN USE IT TOO!!!

(Darth uses the force to throw Han off the catwalk. An image of Llegobi Wan Kellegobi comes to Han.)

Kellegobi: Use the law, Han. Use the law.

Han: How the hell is that supposed to help me?

Aquarii: Isn't it obvious?

Darth: I changed the law, you know.

Han: And how the hell can you see him?!

(Aquarii shrugs)

(Scene switch to torture chamber. Diem is spun to COMMIE OVERFLOW ROOM)

Diem: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

Bob: Anyone else?

Adam: No.

Adam: <Thinking> About only half of us were on the wheel, let's hope he forgets...

Bob: You all have to go on it TWICE!!! Wait...Not everybody has been on the wheel.

(Moonshine is strapped on.)

Keira: Objection! <fires plastic bendy arrow>

(Bob destroys all of the group's weapons)

Keira: Not good.

(Moonshine is spun to Mooses extinct. Moonshine faints.)

(Sargent Mhale is strapped on next. The wheel spins to No More Peace)

Mhale: I'll bet your ass you can't follow through on that one dirtbag!

(Nikita is then spun. It lands on Firing by Donald Trump)

Nikita: AHHHHHHHHH!

(Next is Keira, spun to No bows. After her, it is Flandos, spun to Black Death 2)

Keira: And how did Flandos get here?

Flandos: Thou art a knave! For thy art not Flandos, but a mere privateer that art dressed like thee!

(Bob spins Supwealuhop and Emmzed. A crash is heard. A Star Destroyer with Masts crashes into another room. Flandos, Corsaire, and a crew of French privateers with beam weapons boards the Commie Star)

(No Curry Powder and No Maple syrup, respectively. Scene to the crash site)

Commtrooper: IDIOT! The air is rushin- <is sucked into space>

(The crash site is airlocked)

Corsaire: Good thing the French government gave me that upgrade! I can't believe they were so ignorant as to not ad masts on a ship, though!

Sokarmad

"You still cannot defeat RAW STALINISM!"

Commtrooper: You don't need masts in space!

Corsaire: But how else can you ride the Solar wind? (Shoots trooper)

(Scene to throne room, Han is throwing thermal detonators at Darth, each explode with no damage)

Aquarii: Damn it Audrey! I mean, Han! Activate the full explosive charge!

Darth: You still cannot defeat RAW STALINISM!

Han: Eat Force!

(Han force pushes Darth Communist into a chasm, but Darth still isn't dead. Darth Communist flies to earth in a Commie Transport.)

Han: C'mon Aquarii! We need to save the others, get out of here, and blow this thing up!

Aquarii: FINE! DAMNIT! I'll do the dirty work, thank goodness I kept and didn't use these 5 briefcases full of C4.

(Aquarii runs off to sabotage the Commie Star. Corsaire and Flandos rush in with privateers slashing away.)

Corsaire: The Peace Corps members who managed to hide are going to blow this thing up! We need to get to my star destroyer before the C4 explosives trip the Antimatter core!

Han: And i'll save the others... <Makes his way to the dungeon>

(Credits roll with Star Wars theme)

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away...

This script is an episode of

Episodes:

54 - 55 - 56 - 57 - 58 - 59 - 60 - 61 - 62 - 63 - 64 - 65 - 66 - 67 - 69 - 70 - 71 - 72 - 73 - 75 - 76 - 77 - 78 - 79 - 80 - 81 - 82 - 83 - 84 - 85 - 86 - 87 - 88 - 89 - 90 - 91 - 95 - 97 - 100 - 102 - 104 - 105 - 106 - 107 - 108 - 109 - 110

Episode lists and summary - List of characters

Spinoffs:

The TYATU Talk Show!

TYATU Guest Episodes:

NOTE: Guest episodes have absolutely no relavance the the plot of TYATU.

Genesis - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

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