From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Paper Stalin
Mario disguised as a Communist
for Super Mario Bros. CCXXXIX's promotional poster

Full nameMario Mario
Age 22
Height 3'7", can jump to 7'4"
Weight 300lbs
Hometown Tokyo, Japan
First Movie Super Mario Bros.
Last Movie Super Mario Bros. CCCLXI

Mario Mario (born 17 September 1985 in Rome, Italy), usually referred to as just Mario, is an Italian-American plumber, notable for his starring roles in the many Super Mario movies with his brother, Luigi. Since being approached for the lead job in Super Mario Bros. by Princess Peach, he has starred in over 400 movies, all of which feature the same basic plot, towns, storyline and characters[1]. He is also famous for his cameos, participating in such events as the MarioGP karting events and the Nintendo Character Fight Invitational Tournament, better known as Super Smash Brothers. Due to his outstanding success, Mario has become the unfortunate symbol of Italian stereotypes, with his trademark "It's-a me" quote being used to mock Romans and Venetians across the world.

edit History

edit Early life

Mario was born to poor parents in Rome, and was soon offered up for adoption. Many people around the world made a bid for a child that everyone already though would be on everything later in life, but he was eventually snapped up and kidnapped by Mr. A. Nintendo Corp. Mr. Nintendo, as he liked to be called, raised Mario extremely publicly, raising him to the Japanese cameras as often as they would take him. Some say this is what led Mario to his life of stardom, though others say that it was just because he would do anything up to and including whoring for Princess Peach.

Mr. Nintendo paid for Mario to attend private school - this was due to the ugly reception that people from public schools tended to gain when entering the world of showbusiness, which was Nintendo's ultimate goal for Mario. While in school, Mario was originally teased for his girth, but started to turn his fortunes around with stellar performances at the school athletic club's long and high jumps. His athletic ability in spite of his size awed his classmates, and he was soon rather popular around the place of education[2].

edit College


Mario's graduation photo, with body photoshopped out due to size.

Mario attended Mr. Nintendo's private college, named Nintendo Technical College of Jumping and Repetition[3]. His new-found popularity carried over into the college, rewarding him with plum girlfriends, plum teachers, and a whole load of plum trees, resulting in the now plum body that is one of Mario's trademarks. This also happened to increase the consuming of plums by 300% in surrounding areas of Japan.

This was also where Mario would meet some of his later family and friends , including Princess Peach, his later half-brother Luigi, and Toad, who was introduced to Mario on a plate in a local Italian restaurant. On their final day of college, the four of them signed one of those pacts that they would be friends forever and all that other crap. On that fateful day, however, none of them knew that this one would actually hold true, at least for the next hundred and fifty years, possibly more depending on merchandising sales.

edit Plumbing career

After graduating from college, Mario decided that he didn't want to go into showbusiness, citing a "lack of job opportunities and too much realism in the industry", and went into plumbing as an interim stopgap.

edit Peach's Invitation

Mario, while going aronud Japan, got a job from a Princess Peach. While there, he did one of his best jobs ever, repairing Peach's toilet within four minutes[4].

edit Movie career

After joining Peach's movie company, Mario soon established himself as a star, with his secondary appearances in the many Donkey Kong often overshadowing the Kong himself.

edit Retirement?

Due to the length of the Mario Bros. series, after every fifth movie or so there becomes rampant speculation that Mario will retire[5]. The most famous of these cases came in 2002, after Super Mario Bros. CCC, which was coincidentally the time Mario had been on the screen so much he was an honorary member of over 100,000 families.

edit Cameos

Mario has apppeared in many spin-off series' other than his main Super Mario Bros. series. For many of these, just the appeal of having a world star like Mario appear raised the media out of the gutter; for others, it sent the world into a copycat frenzy not seen since the bikini.

edit Super Smash Bros. Brawl

edit Dr. Mario

edit Mario Kart

edit Do the "Mario" - Mario Dancing


An example of the "Do the Mario", by Mario himself.

edit Personal life

edit Notes

  1. Which is normal for any series of movies, of course.
  2. At least, that was what they claimed they did.
  3. Mr. Nintendo intended for Mario to pay him back the money for all of this private education. He didn't.
  4. This had nothing to do with sex, whatsoever. Whatsoever.
  5. None of these were started by Mario to stay popular. None at all.

edit See also

Personal tools