User:HauntedUndies/The Bore War

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Bore War
Lord Kitchener

British Commander Lord Kitchener. Despite his best efforts to liven things up, Kitchener's "Wacky Moustache Day" was ineffectual in entertaining the troops

Date October 11, 1889 – May 32, 1902
Location Somewhere in South Africa
Result blah blibby blah blahb
Causes blah
more blah

The Bore war was a tedious military conflict fought between the British Empire and its two mind-numbingly boring hosts, the South African Republic and the Orange Free State.

The war is often considered a major box office flop as many of the exciting elements of battle were either technologically redundant or were still in the research phase. With no medieval styled pointy things and shields, or effective ways to blow the crap out of everything, curiosity in the war was always destined to fizzle. Fan interest was completely drained after three years of dull combat and it would take over a decade for WWI to come about and the War industry to recover from its irrelevance.

edit Background

After the British’s acquisition of the southern tip of South Africa during the Napoleonic Land Exchange era, the two combatants shared their adjoining land plots inharmoniously for nearly a century, occasionally sharing an awkward glance while peeping over each others fences. Tensions between the neighbours would frequently rise as the British’s regular tea parties got a little too rambunctious. It was also written in several English journals that the Bores constantly painted their houses, (presumably so that could watch it dry), and that the fumes would often waft into the British homes, enraging the occupants and spoiling their spotted dick. Weary from nearly a century of their dull neighbours’ refusal to partake in some light hearted revelry, the rowdy British commenced hostilities in 1899.

The Bores, named so for their choice of tedious conversational topics often delivered in laconic sluggish style, returned the declaration of war on the British in true dreary bureaucratic style by filing the necessary paperwork; form 3953.13 Section D) “Declaration of war against the British.”

edit Belligerents

edit Bores

The Bores were a group of people who had settled the Southern end of Africa. The built towns amongst the African savannah, where they could gaze out the window at the slow growing grass whilst day dreaming about sitting quietly in a chair; day dreaming about watching grass grow. They usually held jobs requiring repetitious filing of paperwork and made adept accountants, bureaucrats, and envelope management assistants.

The Bores employed guerrilla tactics to great advantage during the war, mainly in the form of ambushes. This tactic suited them quite well, as it required long periods of time waiting; usually spend staring at a wall or watching their finger nails grow.

edit The other guys

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