User:Happytimes/VFD/Planet X

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

< User:Happytimes | VFD
Revision as of 10:38, September 17, 2010 by Saberwolf116 (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

Planet X is the 23rd planet, located just behind Pluto. It is the first planet ever to be named after a letter of the Bulgarian alphabet. To some, this huge, grey and dull dust bunny may be another planet, but to the United Kingdom it has become something more.

edit Beginnings

Planet X began as a planet meant to host wars between the leaders of Bulgarian provinces. Although it is unknown as to exactly how humans arrived on Planet X, one accepted legend is the Two Village Idiots.

The legend begins with two cavemen who are locked in combat. For ambiguity purposes they have been dubbed Ed and Ed. As Ed's club flew through the air, a Jackalope appeared. Back then the Jackalope was considered to be the mightiest of Bulgarian war gods. He even defeated Thor, the Norse god of thunder, in a match of chess. The Jackalope was furious that he had not been invited to see this fight. As punishment, he declared that they were to be executed. Before he could whisk them away with his magicks a young boy yelled out, "Stop! I have a better idea." He suggested that they be sent to another world where they would fight until both were dead. The Jackalope liked the idea of having a planet where fists flew and swords slashed all day and night. Plus it would make those Romans' high and mighty Coliseum look like a playpen. Jackalope decided that the 23rd planet would be the site of this new arena. Nobody knows why but it is theorized that his birthday was on the 23rd of that month. Jackalope chose the name Planet X because he was an avid fan of Malcolm X, a civil-rights activity coordinator, also known as an activist.

edit War Arena

Over time, the population of Planet X grew. It went from its humble beginning as a one-on-one deathmatch arena to the site of wars between massive armies. How the population became so great is the subject of many debates. It is suspected that high-ranking executives in the new Jackalope Corp. ordered the smuggling of breeding stock from various Earth countries such as Scotland, Norway, Sweden and Russia. Another theory states that due to the lack of an opposite gender, the descendants of Ed and Ed evolved into creatures that could reproduce asexually by dividing like bacteria.

edit Death by ants

For crimes similar to letting someone live after not having sex one may be sentenced to death there, you are promptly sentenced by the Jackalope high guard, The Jackoff's. The death sentence on the planet is carried out where people gather at the main square of the town or city where you were sentenced to death, you are buried up to your neck in red soil by the Jackoff's. Soon after they bury you they begin the ceremony, for 5 hours the jackoff's sprinkle bread crumbs around the ants' hole, after the 5 hours that pray till the queen of the ants emerges and comes to suck your blood out, eat your head, and validate your parking, thus forgiving you of the crime you sentenced. You are then free to go.

edit Takeover by the Taliban

When Planet X hosted its first full-scale war in the eighth century, it caught the eye of the Taliban, an Earth corporation run by CEO and President, Osama bin Laden. Osama and his top executives secretly bought most of Jackalope Corp., the government and largest army on Planet X. With more resources under his control, Osama could now convince Al-Qaeda to merge with Taliban. On September 11, Taliban and Al-Qaeda rallied their army to overrun the XTC, a major chemical manufacturing plant on Planet X.

edit Planet X becomes a "weapon"

Shortly after obtaining control of the XTC, the Taliban half of Taliban and Al-Qaeda was decimated by USA, an army run by guerillas known as "Americans." With only Al-Qaeda left under his control, Osama became desperate and threatened to launch biological missiles at Earth from his base on Pluto. To this day the governments of Earth have successfully kept this a secret to all but one person,Christina Yumonakani, because she is an Asian. She has Decided to help blow up what ever she can as Fast as she can in any way possible. So she actually went and killed Osama on Pluto using a Deadly spoon of Death and then blew up all the My Chemical Romance haters on Earth. But for those people who a shit scared to sleep, eat or do anything but worry about the impending doom, don't worry. For 1 it is fake, the planet earth had been here for over 6 billion years and if what every one believes (that planet x has circles around and continuesly comes in earths orbit) we would all be dead and were still here. Any one can say their a doctor or a scientist and put stupid nasa label on a picture and say this is planet x, and what about all that y2k crap that every one was scared about did it happen no. Plus did you know that every one thought that planet X would hit in 2003 but wait were still here and i for one don think that after 6 billion years of people tying to fortell the end of the world, that this is true, it is just another rumar some one thought would be good to make huge. And if you do not believe me, enjoy looking like an idiot in 2012.

edit See also

Personal tools
projects