User:Hanyouman/Mortal Kombat

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Nuvola apps important Article written in the style of its subject
This article is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are the type who needed this explained to you. If you still do not find the article funny, that is surely because a joke loses its humor when it is explained. The authors sincerely hope that you will pick up your game and laugh without prompting in the future.

Mortal Kombat was an arkade game kreated by Midway in the early 1970s, spawning several sekuels and spin-offs, and kontinuing on to this day.

edit The Gimmikk

As it is well known, all fighting game series have some sort of gimmikk to help them stand out from the krowd. Street Fighter revolutionized the genre by taking the fighting out into the streets, instead of in a ring, as all the previous games had been.

Mortal Kombat's gimmikk was to replace all instances of a hard "c" sound with the letter 'K' (bekause of that feature, it was one of the first applikations to bekome part of KDE). There was also something about kopious amounts of blood and violence. Parents were outraged by the fakt that Mortal Kombat kontained kopious amounts of nonsensikal spelling errors and the outrage was so great that the United States Kongress held hearings. The hearings and the great koncern about spelling errors in video games eventually lead to the fornikation of the ESRB ratings, which in turn led to the Video Game Adultery Association of Amerika, or the VGAAA.

The kontroversy eventually spread to other kontinents and the game was banned in Australia, Kanada, Germany, Spain, Yemen, Antarktika, the Moon, Atlantis, and now, Purgatory.

edit The Sekuels

Several sekuels were released. In the the sekond most recent game, "Mortal Kombat: We Gots Brand New Kharakters That You Kan Play In Some Other Useless Mode", the main kharakter is Shujinko (Japanese for "dumbass"), who retrieves the seven-and-a-half Kamidogu (Japanese for "cheap plastik trinkets") and thus unwittingly allows Oprah to konquer and kontrol all known universes.

In the most recent one all the kharakters kome together to celebrate Blaze's birthday. Half these kharakters even overkome death to be at the party. However Blaze eats Oprah's steroids and he grows big and tall. Some fighting brothers show up and want to kill Blaze bekause they heard gossip from their friends that whoever defeats blaze will get a godlike kookie. Everyone begins fighting. Then they klimb a pyramid to give Blaze a present and take his kookie. The story has won many awards and the kharakter's bakk stories are the best since Pokemon vs. Mortal Kombat.

Pokémon Vs. Mortal Kombat was then banned due to Pikachu's ribkage being ripped out by Skorpion.

edit The Game

The Mortal Kombat series has many unique features. Or at least, features that may have been unique at one point in time, however this is more often than not no longer the kase. It was the first fighting game to have digitized aktors and the produktion krew was forced to kill one aktor while filming each fatality.

The graphiks in Mortal Kombat were digitized, shrunk down humans made to fit in the game kartridge. Remember when your pastor would tell you if you were bad you'd go to hell? Well, that is what the game is, basikally.

edit Kharakters

  • Baraka - Obama
  • Citana - The only entity ever to kome within ten miles of Mortal Kombat and not be spelled with a K.
  • Cyrax - Mikhal Jakkson's love machine gone krazy after the transformation into a woman. It's rumored there is another Cyrax named Kyrax that was Jamaican. The rumor was a lie.
  • Er Mac - Kreated by Steve Jobs out of useless Ipod Aps. Arch enemy of Sin Dell.
  • Goro (Gorro) - Portuguese for baseball hat. A student at Fox Chapel Area High Skhool. Known for his inappropriate use of Nalgene bottles. Otherwise known as Barry Bonds.
  • Jade - Female ninja who wears green clothing, altough she wears almost nothing.
  • Jax - Samuel L. Jakkson with metal arms and fighting more mutha fukkas!!
  • Kabal - Darth Vader's son in law, also kalled Darth Kabal.
  • Kano - Some Australian thug whom has a very thick Australlian accent and loves dranks, chikken legs, and getting breaks from exotik women (he perfers blondes however). He kan't even get to first base with Sonya.
  • Kintaro - Garfield on steroids.
  • Kung Lao - That white guy. You know, the magician with a hat that kan kill you.
  • Liu Kang - A reinkarnation of Bruce Lee!! Sent by Lee to keep a klose eye on the universe. He was killed by Chuck Norris.
  • Mileena - Klearasil model.
  • Raiden - A Chinese chewing-gum poster-man with a very thikk French akcent. A rip off of that guy from "Big Trouble in Little China". LSD gave him the power to shoot lightning bolts.
  • Scorpion - A reinkarnation of Ghost Rider who has a spear koming out of his hands.
  • Sektor - Like a huge robotik version of Bjork, only less violent.
  • Shang Tsung - Pat Morita of the 'Karate Kid' series (look at his pikture in the selekt skreen below). His health, virginity, and youth was restored as a result of a failed babality by Shao Kahn in the intro of Mortal Kombat 2. He bekame 19 years old, rather than 5 months old.
  • Shao Khan - Human form of McGruff the crime dog
  • Sheeva - The stokk helpless pretty girl kharakter. The only mold breaking aspekts being a giant, four armed and bulging-muscled monster. She was made as the Goro alternative, after he was found to kause kancer. She also makes great hash. She has a big ass.
  • Sin Dell - One of the most feared kharakters, this telesaleswoman from Dell Komputers will savagely market her opponents to death using top-of-the-range information tekhnology. Her fatality is the Blue Screen of Death.
  • Sonya Blade - Grown up Powerpuff Girl. The chikk who could always kikk your ass, then when put you in between her massive thighs till you suffokated from enjoyment. She is also Jax's bitch.
  • SubZero - Another instantly rekognisable Mortal Kombat pirate. Best known for his role in the 1990 box-office smash Don't Kall Me Ninja.

edit Hidden Kharakters

Cyrex dance
Cyrax performs his greatest fatality: the Charleston.

Mortal Kombat is known also to be the first game ever to feature more hidden kharakters than aktual kharakters.

  • Mokap - A guy with lamps skattered all over his body. It takes a lot of punishment to knokk him down, bekause those lamps are very expensive and the studio where he works wouldn't allow extra budgeting to pay for the damage.
  • Noob Saibot - Damn this bot is a n00b! The other players banned him after he insulted Shang Tsung, the admin.
  • Reptile - A Frogman - his name was to be Anure, but the kreators said it would not be katchy enough.
  • Smoke - A professional shoplifter. His only flaw is to leave a smoke trace wherever he goes, making it easier for police to find and arrest him time and time again.
Choose your fighter
Choose your, er... fighter?

edit Fatalities

The main draw to Mortal Kombat, apart from excessive use of the letter 'K' and marketing department lies, were the -ality moves a person kould do at the end of a fight. To get their kharakter to do one of these moves, they had to enter an absurdly long kode, or as most people did, put in the cheat which kaused the moves after one button press.

The various -ality moves inklude:

  • Fatality - The kharakter exekutes a move which kills the other kharakter, instead of just knokking them down.
  • Fat-ality - The kharakter uses the "chokolate sandwhich" on the other kharakter, making him/her inkredibly fat, and after that, they die from a heart attakk.
  • Animality - The kharakter turns into an animal and kills the other kharakter in a way that normally involves them eating them.
  • Babality - The kharakter hangs the other kharakter out of a window, to show all their adoring fans how far the mighty have fallen.
  • Banality - The winning kharakter just stands there, and the loser kills himself out of boredom.
  • Breakality -Thought to originally be a form of hara-kiri since the user's neck gets snapped in the process, but in reality, the user gets head-scissored by a hot female fighter and the loser just stands and watches. They will die of jealousy several seconds later. Kano was the first user of the Breakality.
  • Friendality - Totally absurd move in which the kharakter kould do anything. Some kharakters played funky musik and danced, some kharakters helped old ladies kross the street. But since some kharakters are dumb, they fail in doing this friendly thing and the enemy kharakter for example, died by getting hit by a kar when krossing the street, or when they were dancing with the kharakter that used the Friendality by sliding on a banana and falling from the bridge to the spikes.
  • Mortality - The kharakter remembers that in previous games they had, infakt, died, and so begin to question the meaning of life, fear death, and eventually smash their head on a rokk.
  • Reality - The losing kharakter is made to realize they kan't spend the rest of their lives engaging in fights to the death and they go and get a normal job at a normal kompany with benefits and a stable inkome.
  • Immortality - The bane of all existence. If the game is played for 31 days straight, without turning the system off, your kharakter morphs into Tom Kruise in vampire-mode. Reality kan okkur soon afterwards, followed by Fatality.
  • Tekhnikality - The losing player wins.
  • Kup of Teality - The winning kharacter celebrates his/her/its victory with a refreshing kup of tea and a slice of ruffles kake, as the loser looks on in agony.
  • Civility - The Kharacters work out their problems in a civil manner, shake hands, and walk away.

edit The Movie

Mortal Kombat was selling so well that there was a movie made about it. That movie won an oskar for best skreenplay. In the movie, Liu Kang is Earth's chosen champion, Johnny Kage is the (fake) movie star interested in Sonya Blade, Sonya Blade is the vulgar and mean yet inkredibly sexy heroine of the movie and the main love interest of most of the kharakters in the movie, Kano is the lovable, terminator wannabe, thikk akcent karrying, fun loving, and sex kraving Australian thug whom also loves Sonya and that has the honor of dying in Sonya's massive thighs (a death most of the other villains wish they kould have died with), Shang Tsung is the subliminal mastermind of sexual undertones, voice changing (really, his voice goes from high to low for no reason through the movie), emotional, and konfusing villain whom also has a love interest in Sonya Blade, but never really gets her. Liu Kang kills Shao Kahn's champions thus freeing the Earth from the possibility of Shao Kahn's reign for at least five more weeks. However, in the sekuel Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Shao Kahn breaks his own laws and invades anyway, only to be beaten bakk at the end as the portal to the earth is eventually shut down. This movie was mainly notable for the death of the widely-detested kharakter Johnny Kage, and for kompletely annihilating the sukcess of the original film due to its absurd and outlandish idea (Shao Kahn aktually thought he kould keep that stupid portal open when his champions kan't even win a stupid tournament? Geez!)

Following this movie was Mortal Kombat: Free-For-All. By this point, the producers had realized that people were buying the movie for the brand name, not the kontent, and so the whole movie konsisted of the opening demo of the game looped about thirty times.

edit Immortal Kombat

Another failed idea. It was going to be the most badass game in history, new kharacters to be inkluded were Chukk Norris, Mr. T, Klint Eastwood, Bruce Lee, Steve MkKwueen, Louis Theroux, Dan Hibiki, Peter North, Tiger Woods, Slash, Satan and the New York Yankees. The game was later diskontinued when the makers realized that a winner kould not be chosen, bekuause the players just would never die.

edit See also

edit External links

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