User:Gustavo Chapman 3rd of Normandy/Everything

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Everything is a magical half-pixie that grants wishes to dead animals. Her origins are unknown, but she certainly scares the fuck out of old people. She is often mistaken for Anything, who is closely related in appearence but nothing like her in anything else. Many try to catch Everything, thinking she is Anything, and are stung viciously.

edit What to do if you encounter Everything

  1. Don't move
  2. Cry
  3. Pray (if you are an Atheist, see step 4)
  4. Convert to Catholocism

Usually these handy steps will work, but if not you will have to defend yourself. Avoid small things, such as twigs, nails, or Karl Malone's penis. If used against Everything, she will swell over 500 times her size and it will not affect her. You need big things, like your mom. Throw these large weapons at her repeatedly until she surrenders (which she won't).

edit Proper ways to be eaten by Everything

Don't try to go in feet-first. This will hurt her tummy. Go in head-first. This way you can have a nice view of her throat tattoos.

edit See also

This page is a work in progress
The author would like you to know: love, gustav talk at menope 23:14, 25 November 2006 (UTC)
Health Warning: Putting this template on a page consisting of a few lines or worse will not save you and may actually get you banned.
This page will be re-checked on 28 July 2011
Personal tools