User:Guildensternenstein/Buffalo, New York

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Buffalo is a city located in Western New York, situated on the eastern shore of Lake Erie. Though the city is physically located well within the bounds of New York State, its heart is often said to be somewhere in the great white northern expanses of Canada.[1] Indeed, Buffalo is often mistaken as a rather dingy suburb of Toronto by most Americans, owing mostly to the fact that most Americans cannot locate Toronto on a map.

Buffalo is the second largest city in the state of New York, which, though a true statement, is kind of like saying Boxing Day is the second best holiday in December. Indeed, the idea of ‘second’ is an integral part of Buffalo and Buffalonian culture. President Theodore Roosevelt was the second President to visit Buffalo during the Pan-American Exposition of 1901—said visit was due to the fact that William McKinley, the first President to pay the event a visit, was assassinated there. Buffalo’s sports teams are noted for their second-place finishes in four consecutive Super Bowls and two Stanley Cup championship series.[2] Buffalo is also the second poorest city per capita in the United States, an honor the city is bested in only by the lovely Detroit, Michigan.

Historically, Buffalo has been one of America’s most important cities. In 1900, Buffalo was the eighth largest city in the United States, owing to its strategic position at the western terminus of the Erie Canal, its role a major railroad hub, and its major steel plants. The second half of the 20th century saw a decided reversal of fortune for the city, however, as the St. Lawrence Seaway rendered the Erie Canal obsolete, the airplane rendered shipping by rail obsolete, and cheap Chinese labor rendered American blue collar workers and their union-inflated salaries obsolete. Today, Buffalo’s largest and only growing economic sector is that of local government jobs, which have been expanded by the local bureaucracy to meet the needs of an ever-expanding local bureaucracy.[3]

Buffalo is also known for its heavy annual amount of lake effect snow, buffalo wings, and being fucking cold nine months out of the year.

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edit Footnotes

  1. Many residents of the city might disagree with this statement as they watch professional hockey while drinking six packs of Labatt Blue and snacking on “Tim Bits” from Tim Horton’s.
  2. It should be noted that a Buffalo sports team has never finished first in either of these events.
  3. Much of this redundant bureaucracy is often seen as redundant bureaucracy by those who oppose redundant bureaucracy and the redundantly bureaucratic.
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