User:Gryffon

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

edit Important Notice

The U.S. Government does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information, apparatus, product, or process disclosed.

MUN
Member of the Order

edit Where was I... Oh yeah...

Welcome, <insert name here>, you have reached the userpage of Gryffon, and yes I know who you are.

I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and though the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably a goat masticating duchebag. Ergo some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent(or most retarded), you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.

Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of Uncyclopedia. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which, despite my sincerest efforts, I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of psychopathic precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably... here. (Are you still looking up your old SAT prep books???)

The answer you seek can be found here, <insert name here>

edit Gryffon, the Good, the Bad, the Ugly... and the late stage psychosis

As you all may know, any character has a dual(or more) persona. For example there is Superman, who has Hyperman, Megaman, Captain Nazi, and even Defender of the Order of Lenin knockoffs.

It is the same for us humans as well, whose brain matter consists of the temporarily sane side, the psychotic side, and the schizophrenic side.

While any psychologist or kitten huffer would agree that schizophrenia is a problem, it would be interesting look at all the good it had done for society. Without schizophrenia and a misled seventeen year old farm girl, the glorious nation-state of France would never have managed to wrangle their first draw against an island people whose favorite pastime is sheep &$@%ing.

To the point, the case is no different with Gryffon, the one that can read your mind and your deepest desires. (Please stop imagining Gryffon + kitten huffing + tasered/beaten/arrested)

The temporarily sane side of Gryffon adapts to the persona of a normal high school student, and attends a barely constitutional re-education facility in Southern California that employs more armed guards than Guantanamo bay. (Artesia High School, cough... cough...)

The psychotic side of Gryffon is a member of Wikipedia and goes by the screen name of... Gryffon. He enjoys taking care of his school article and shamelessly bashing the other schools within the district that doesn't know how to look up to their betters. The psychotic side of Gryffon also enjoys modern classicalish music like John Williams and Hans Zimmer.(Pretend you didn't read that) The psychotic side of Gryffon is also the persona that drafts battle plans for the future United States invasion of Canada, as part of a three stage so called the 'Manifest Destiny' grand strategy.(Pretend you didn't read that either)

The schizophrenic side of Gryffon is invariably more complex, and is the persona that holds membership in the prestigious institution of Uncyclopedia. The schizophrenic side of Gryffon is determined to defeat the sane side of Gryffon, who is currently the main contester for dominance of what's left of the brain. (and they say it's just a temporary teenage phase) Anyway, it is the schizophrenic side of Gryffon that does his homework, meets his friends, confers with Karl Rove(His excellence, the High Chancellor of the American Empire), and suffers brutal bi-weekly interrogation in the hands of the CIA.

edit Favorite articles

Tom Cruise

Harvard

Kitten Huffing

edit And as for you...

You may leave now <insert name here>... This message was sponsored by the Ministry of Truth, better known as Minitrue.

Remember,

WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Personal tools
projects