User:Gingerbreadlord/Chaos

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Chaos is the second (and current) state of the universe(the first state was harmony which lasted minus one second.). As the universe was created in the year 5 so was Chaos. At first Chaos was just a state of existence after being that for a while it decided to be a being as well. Having no body itself it posseses people making them build giant websites of misinformation and potatoes of wisdom. As mentioned earlier chaos has no body itself but, after finding out being something without a body can't spread doom it created a body for itself. Chaos is a 305 ft tall grey-blue woman,wearing a stola, holding a torch pointing to the sky in her right hand and an tabula ansata in her left. On her head is a giant crown and she wears sandals. If you see this being be sure to turn right around for everything behind her is cursed. The universe mostly exists out of chaos (the element). The universe is: 1% matter, 5% dark matter, 2% dark energy, 4% doesn't matter 80% racism, 8% sparkly stuff and 40% chaos.


edit Origins of the word

The early Greeks had a concept of the word but they didn't come to the ultimate conclusion of what chaos was. Their word was Pandora. This is the name they gave the first girl who was ever 'created'. They believed that before their were any girls men lived in harmony with each other, with the animals, with the trees and with the gods.

So thus Pandora appeared and within 15 minutes the Roman empire, Greek empire, Chinese empire, Japanese empire, Russian empire, Moon people empire, Martian empire, South American empire, Unites States empire and the Gods themselves that didn't exist were destroyed by Pandora.

And that's were we are today. The word chaos is an annagram of the word pandora (as the empires were destroyed so was spelling)

edit Slang Usage

Chaos used to mean 'a vagina'.

The term can be used like the following:

Friend 1 - "Whoa bro, what happened? You mean your fucking penis is broken! What did that to you!"

Friend 2 - "It was CHAOS!"

friend 1 - "oh god, not a vagina"

As you can see in the conversation above friend 1 is not up to date, in current day slang chaos means '(a) twenty foot tall sumo wrestler'

edit Chaos in the Christian Bible

Jesus was walking down the street one day. Trying to make fun of the locals and in an attempt to steal an old mans bag of weed stumbled and fell onto a young boys porch who at the time was building what resembled an Xbox 360 out of Legos.

The passage can be seen here in Johns Stupidius 3:13

"Don't Steal'eth unto my bags of weed'uth unless though shall accept the punishments of a thousand sharp Legos scratching though skin'ith and the ultimate fate'th."

And in Johns Stupidius 3:14

"And then the young boy screamed 'I am the great, great, great, great grandchild of Pandora! You dare'th destroy my Lego Xbox!' to which jesus replied "Listen kid I gotta feed myself.. bathe myself.. does it look like I give a fuck about your Lego Xbox!? Huh? Does it look like I give a fuck?!"

Jesus left the village screaming like a drunk bastard. Screaming "I've always liked Sony anyway!". That night Jesus was visited by god. God said to Jesus "Look motherfucker I don't know who the fuck you think you are but your going to die in three days if you don't CORRECT'TH THE WRONG'TH THAT YOU HAVE MADE'TH!" Then God vanished because he never existed in the first place. Jesus ignored the messages and in three days he found himself nailed to a wooden cross screaming in agony while a young boy threw Legos at him.

A few Christians got together after this incident. They were mad, they were angry, their bellies were full of meat because they had to eat something and to let Jesus just sit out there for the vultures to eat just wouldn't be logical. So while they ate bits of Jesus they decided to turn their religion into a monstrous bastardized cult of asshole men who hate everything!

They took their bible and added some more stuff to it. Basically they wanted their book to hate everything that was not a bastard asshole. They wanted write the book in a way that would represent what they were planning to do to society for the next 1,000 years! They wanted that book to represent death and suffering and insanity and suffering and pain and sexism and racism and mindless bigotry horse shit'titry!

thus the bible became... just what its always been, the bible!

edit Modern Society and Chaos

The bible would, to its fullest extent, represent what chaos meant to society through out the ages. It wouldn't be until 2004 in a Death Vagina concert that the word 'bible' would be changed to 'Chaos'. Upon a bible being hurled into the crowd, the bible being possessed by a thousand demon souls from hell led by Beelzebub, that said bible landed in the hands of a few christian extremists who were instantly transformed into open-minded thinkers who realized religion was not real. They began spreading their open-mindedness to everyone who didn't know the truth. This was, in the eyes of the evangelist extremists, complete and utter chaos. This led to the identity of the word.

edit Usage

The words Chaos and bible are interchangeable. When Religious groups use the word chaos to represent whats happening to society their always talking about the bible. Thus their conclusion to all the problems in the world is caused by the very rule book they follow all the time.. the bible. Thus it is religious groups that cause all the chaos that exists today.

edit How you can help

Begin by slowly dissolving religion from everyday existence in a non-violent fashion so that one day we wont fucking have to deal with all of this fucking chaos that's happening caused by a bunch of fuckers who are waiting to die everyday just to try and prove to you that Hell might exist!

Personal tools
projects