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On second thought, let's not go to Uncyclopedia. 'Tis a silly place.

“A flute with no not a flute. A donut with no a danish.”
~ Zen Philosopher Basho on perspective

painfully slow return to uncyclopedia

  • examine old articles for leakages of funny and/or influx of suck
  • throw together an anniversary or two
  • read some articles!
  • vote? i don't remember much about this site, but i do remember the euphoric high associated with casting votes.


(currently organized alphabetically by height) bold = featured , italic = quasi-featured

Original Articles

Tremors | Gerry Cheevers | DOHS Anti-Terrorism Regulations | Red Baron | Robert Shaw | Hans Blix and the Weapons Inspectors | Dumb and Dumber | C-3PO | Gemini | Bomb Shelter | Cactus | Pie Chart | Mousetrap | Goldfish co-authored with Cap'n Ben | 1993

Full Rewrites

Alaska | NASA #2 Oct '08! | Stone the Israeli Tank co-authored with Idigl7220 | AIDS (Space Program) #2 May '09! | Kingfisher co-authored with Stupid Fat Hobbit | Lobster co-authored with Stupid Fat Cajek and Stupid Fat Under user | Wild Bill Hickok | World of Warcraft | Abraham Lincoln PLS Winner!

VFD Rescues

Pet Rock: The Video Game | Is the bear a Catholic?


How to: Be a Douchebag


Al Gore #1 Mar '09! | Jew | Michael Jackson | Great Britain | Wikipedia | Singapore | You | God


UnNews:New writing technique good for some, bad for others | UnNews:Discovery of caves on Mars sparks Space Race II | UnNews:Uncyclopedia launches first satellite | UnNews:Iraq detainees suffering from 'excessive boredom' | UnNews:Saudi woman flogged for being gang raped | UnNews:Santa Claus missing, officials fear worst | UnNews:Galactic Empire raises terror alert level to orange | UnNews:Local man rescues dozens from vampire peacock | UnNews:Dog to run for mayor of Alabama town, despite mudslinging | UnNews:Controversy arises over team nickname | UnNews:Ice cream discovered on Mars | UnNews:NYC cracks down on strays, introduces fleet of 'dog sweepers' | UnNews:Hyrule physicists report quantum fluctuations | UnNews:Scientists discover link between Daylight Savings and Global Warming | UnNews:Sharks invade cleaner beaches | UnNews:Louisiana Governor brazenly taunts volcanoes | UnNews:Congress questions Senator's knighthood | UnNews:He-She T driver is a dunderhead


July 24th, 2008 (#12) | July 31st, 2008 (#13) | August 7th, 2008 (#14) | August 14th, 2008 (#15) | August 21st, 2008 (#16) | August 28th, 2008 (#17) | September 4th, 2008 (#18) | September 11th, 2008 (#19) | October 2nd, 2008 (# 20) | October 9th, 2008 (#21) | October 16th, 2008 (#22) | February 19th, 2009 (#35) | February 26th, 2009 (#36) | March 5th, 2009 (#37) | March 10th, 2009 (#38) | March 19th, 2009 (#39) | March 26th, 2009 (#40) | April 5th, 2009 (#41) | April 9th, 2009 (#42) | April 16th, 2009 (#43) | April 23rd, 2009 (#44) | April 30th, 2009 (#45) | May 5th, 2009 (#46) | May 14th, 2009 (#47) | June 4th, 2009 (#50) | June 11th, 2009 (#51) | June 28th, 2009 (#52) | June 25th, 2009 (#53) | July 2nd, 2009 (#54) | July 9th, 2009 (#55) | July 16th, 2009 (#56) | July 23rd, 2009 (#57)


Armstrong on the Moon | Aushwattz 4000 | Dragons on Mars | Puppy Cannon | Spudnik | Terror Alert Chart | You've Got Platoon | Vampire Peacock | Bobby Orr | Pie Chart | Men at Work | Link Mugshot | Cactus (by Billy) | Einstein Idol

UnNews Audios

UnNews:Galactic Empire raises terror alert level to orange | UnNews:Louisiana Governor brazenly taunts volcanoes


NoobawardKetchup1BePreparedPee reviewer of the month awardWotmFoolitzer

Ic beadIc bead

MShippo37915 Bff Feather fedora small Mechanic Wallace in wrong trousersThumbs up2
UUninjastarCyberstarNinjastarPocketfulGoldNinjaStarSucker NinjastarCyberstarWhirlingstarManneken

GoldurinalPlatinumpisserDiamond Dumper

See All Awards

About Me

Gerry spark

I am, in fact, not Gerry Cheevers himself. I may have been him in a past life, although that is unlikely as Cheevers is in fact still alive at this point. I am, however, a 23-year old research analyst from Boston with a boring desk job who enjoys alternative rock and candlepin bowling. I stumbled across Uncyclopedia one day in 2007, and have been unable to tear myself away from it since. My goal is essentially to make people laugh as hard as I laughed when I first read the article on Bears. If I can be 1/10th as humorous as that, then I have succeeded. I like to aimlessly wander around Uncyclopedia. I think I might be physically addicted. Help! Every once in a while I get motivated enough to churn out a full article. I also like to help out fellow Uncyclopedians, so if you're ever looking for a rewrite, Pee Review, cool template, or any kind of opinion on anything, I'm your man. Satisfaction is guaranteed![1] Lately, I've taken up trying to be a useful bugger, what with my efforts to take over the UnSignpost, Imperial Colonization, the Proofreading Service, and whatnot.

Wandering Rant of the Week

whose cruel idea was it to put the letter 's' in the word 'lisp'?


The Lobster War

Useless Clutter

Grand Cross of the Order
Crystal Clear action run This user account is a bot operated by MrN9000 (talk).

It is probably not a sock puppet, but hopefully an automated or semi-automated account for making repetitive edits that would be extremely tedious to do manually (or so we'd like you to think).
Administrators: if this bot is malfunctioning or causing harm, tough fucking shit.

Fellow-pc This user is a Fellow in the Potatochoppers' Guild, and has earned a great deal of respect. Ask this user about joining!
Jsbach-bass This user plays bass, because it attracts groupies without the need for excessive rehearsal time.

This user be a pirate in disguise.


This user is so pirate, they stole religious doctrine.

Eeek! This user steals userboxes from random people's user pages.
Bender This user is a foul-mouthed alcoholic robot. Bite his shiny metal ass!
Fortune cookie 20040628 223108 1 This user is being held hostage in a Chinese fortune cookie factory! If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. Help!
Bmup smaller This user is part of The Proofreading Service.

IC This user is a member of Imperial Colonization.


This user is awesome.

High five!

ThinkerToilet This user is a member of the Reviewing Committee, because they are self opinionated knowitalls.

of Der Unwehr


  1. Guarantee is not a Guarantee.
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