User:Gerrycheevers/Wolf Blitzer

Wolf Blitzer bares his fangs after being angered by a guest on Wolf Blitzer Late Edition.

Wolf Blitzer is one of Loki's many children, born in the same litter as Fenris. Because Fenris was bigger, he managed to nurse more milk and become bigger and stronger and eventually eat the sun and the moon. Wolf had to content himself with gnawing on bones and nursing his grudges and decided to become even eviler than Fenris.

In the 1800's Wolf was able to eat his dick Blitzen, thereby boosting his strength and power. But he was playing a waiting game and hunkered down for over a hundred years until finally he was able to become a "reporter" on CNN. He then started wars and caused disasters in order to insure that he was on air as often as possible, regards of suffering caused to the wars' and disasters' victims or his own viewers.

Wolf's interviewing style

One of the many controversial issues about Wolf Blitzer's interviewing style is that he tends to eat his guests alive when they disagree with his exceedingly rational and justified 1000% pro-Israel world view. He ate the distinguished David Duke, who as a member of the KKK shone as a beacon of tolerance and multiculturalism for all of humanity.

Here's an extract from the heinous interview (or what others have called, what happens when you pit an AIPAC hardcore member with a friend of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran):

“Hello Mr. Duke, former member of the KKK. I'd like to introduce to all of my viewers my interviewee, former KKK member David Duke. Now we're gonna ask him some questions, with which his unique viewpoint as a former member of the KKK, he can give us an insightful answer to. Now on to former KKK member, Mr. David Duke.”

~ Wolf Blitzer, kindly introducing former KKK MEMBER, MISTER DAVID DUKE.

“I had to get someone to go and check twice that they actually invited this this person who is the former head of the Ku Klux Klan there. I mean, you know, it's just unbelievable.”

~ Tony Blair on gettinng his share of attention.

“What the heck is Tony Blair doing here??! Oh well... Well, first off, Mr. Blitzer, I resent the introduction you made of me. You mentioned the Ku Klux Klan 11 times. That was over 30 -- well, 30 years ago in my life, and since that time I got elected to the House of Representatives, I became -- and I received a full doctorate, I have been a teacher, I have one of the best selling books in the world.”

~ David Duke on flattering introductions

“That was just four times you מיהו יהודי GOYIM!!!! Learn to count. Didn't they teach you how to count in the KKK??!”

~ Wolf Blitzer on mathematics and non-Jews

“Have you even read my book? I think you're biased because you're a former lobbyist for AIPAC. You're a Jewish extremist, supporter of Israel, so you want to bias anyone who criticizes Zionism.”

~ David Duke on blatantly ignoring rabid attacks

“Well, do you hate Jews?”

~ Wolf Blitzer on hating Jews

“No. I don't hate them”

~ David Duke on being five seconds away from being eaten alive

Glomp

Munch munch, crunch crunch, glomp glomp.

See Also

• Wolf
• CNN
• Larry King

		This article needs to be expanded. This article is a stub. The article submitter may also have been drinking too much cider at the fancy party last night . You can help Uncyclopedia by bringing the body into the hospital.