User:GermanPug/Laboratory

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

edit Pay-TV

“Take money as toilet paper, and even comes out pay-TV!”
~ Rupert Murdorch

Pay TV is an old method in the United States, using all kinds of porn channels, sports and other shit that people pull money out of the sweaty pockets.

PayTVWorld

The wonderful world of Pay-TV!

edit History

The 70s: The oil crisis is hitting people hard, grandpa Jeoffrey should not take his giant Cadillac, gasoline is not used for cooking, green spinners come to light. It must be emphasized that the crisis affected all people, be it the hungry infant or the old bum. Or the entrepreneur! The failures became more frequent as the assassinations of Justin Bieber, the television industry also examined new ways to get to the long-awaited money. It came out: pay-TV is the future!
Quickly established some idiots HBO, spread her filth program for selected bigwigs who had enough money to relocate its cable below their toilets. After all, there were 3 interested, due to the increasing popularity eventually even 10th As the pampered audience much more than the sewer and over again expecting the same shit films, quickly announced customers. In addition, the local cable operators were too lazy to lay the cable in a fast pace, so there was congestion, duration fibrillation and furious mass murderers.
Despite the increased business renablen not a more complete idiots, founded "Showtime", "The Movie Channel" and the fucking rest of them. Only after a boxing match live with the Indonesian world champions Id Iot took place, could win the customer for HBO and was champion dementia.
At some point, which is now rapidly increased operator had enough money to produce cheap reality shows and trash films like "The three-headed shark". At some point, even perverse fat sacks got into a business name, led a porn secret channels and quickly became rich and the horny Polish Clawza the busty Mexican Muna gained worldwide recognition.

Crazyluger

The former mascot of HBO

After Showtime sensitive to the transfer of mud wrestling HBO hit, they founded the cheap offshoot Cinemax and Showtime demolished. 10 million Spasten joined the cult HBO, although they had to offer anything special. To stop the rising influx of idiots, HBO was encrypted end of the 80s and only available to paying big shots. This led to numerous protests, the quality of the program did not increase, on the contrary, it has now shown many porn by 14 clock in the afternoon - and had success. Only one complaint of the offended slush company Viacom stopped soaring. In the end, could the contending cocks together and founded the forecourt to hell, comedy, Comedy Central.
Prior to that had been dozens of popular programs such as Viacom - MTV back then was no music and no television hellish home for obese mentally ill. However, details below. HBO, Showtime and other "channels" responding to the introduction of crappy video recorders with power erotic series - or erotic power series, as they say it is not matter, with Sex and the City and the like (family-hostile, as it says the Christian smartass) dirt Although one could mobilize marginal groups, the mass could not afford the fun back then but not hugely expensive and stared rather the usual CSI or reality crap hell of a ride on other channels. Other channels like Lifetime, the popular feminist glanders, specializing wanted on the female, HBO, Showtime, Cinemax and the whole rest of the shit with blood, sex, drivel, history and appeal to all weapons - even today.

edit Advantages of pay-TV

  • The many new channels increase the intelligence of the average American
  • not necessarily for the better, but at least something.
  • The big media companies and operators earn more money and the poor people pay five cents more a year.
  • More football, basketball and hockey animated television viewers to the rich sports - in theory ...
  • More violence is allowed, and the cures from viewers.
  • More sex is allowed and the cures from viewers.
  • More Chihuahuas are allowed and harden from the audience.
  • More Fundamentalism be allowed to rise, the number of martyrs, discourages immigration and makes the United States a little cleaner - or something.

edit Providers

There are many methods to bring the United States as in the highly anticipated pay-TV on the small, bulky tube TV. As would be the good old satellite TV! Either it receives the dirt on the shady operators DirecTV, Dish Network, or cheap and secret in Canada. The lazy, fat Americans need do no more than one Receiver (made in Bangladesh) to connect to a bowl and hang on the balcony to receive pay-TV can. Might look crappy, but is in various ghettos as a prestige symbol.
Then one has to choose between thousands of cable operators, very expensive, but simple, but in addition you have access to free internet, Sex Hotlines and ... drumroll ... Emergency!
The really, really lazy then get IPTV, the television is simply to receive over the Internet, you have only the choice between Puerto Rican and Christian stations. For the bored bourgeois but it's enough.

edit Target group

edit TV Channels

edit Premium channels

Threecats

Hard stuff nights on Cinemax.

As mentioned above, the still tolerable, but pretty tough shit. HBO, Showtime, Cinemax and The Movie Channel switch, spread over several television channels, between good movies, bad movies, hard, but somehow hot idolized series, porn and amateur boxing. After all, the viewer with microwave popcorn and Dr. Pepper look away his frustration and hardened, without undergoing a psychological shock. Therefore, this wondrous television is also called "premium", here you can watch such stuff, without going to jail. This takes enormous amounts, but is more popular than all U.S. presidents.

Here is a selection of the hardest series from the Premium swamp:

  • Dexter: A traumatized corpse kissers working secretly with the police and kills people. Scaaaaary...
  • Californication: A nasty, but clever porn star trying to be successful in Hollywood. Scaaaaaaary...
  • Game of Thrones: Fantasy shit. Scaaaaaaaaaaaary...
  • Spartacus: Blood and Sand: Historical series for Americans. Scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaary...
  • Sex and the City: Soft porn combined with gossip. Scaaaaaa...Cancelled

edit Entertainment shit

Zombie reagan

The chief of AMC has taken the zombie trend hard.

A class is provided below the rather modest mass with reality TV and cheap series. The whole cost but very little and can be individually do not have. Meanwhile, the channels have multiplied rapidly:

  • AMC is the most sophisticated television channel, and gained fame by copying Showtime series, mainly because of the series with the highest blood and decay level in the pay-TV, the zombie series "The Walking Dead," which was banned in 56 countries around the world. There are, of course, many pain-free people in the United States who watch it. In addition to the series one has only old ham to offer, the five times in a row repeated. The fame acquired AMC is not so.
  • A&E has been the exact opposite of the channel up there. In reality shows are accompanied by marginal groups such as Wizards, bounty hunters, or cowboys. For one series specially produced and steals, and spectators off with an IQ of a more than 90.
  • FX is a small but nasty offshoot of FOX and tried unsuccessful, male-friendly series that nobody knows and is known to produce and broadcast. In addition, FX is considered doubtful for waste recycling old films and series of other channels.

Since Warner Bros. Television can not afford their own network, it radiates from its specially fabricated drivel in the small cable channels:

  • On the TNT channel will be broadcast next series fresh and "sport" that no one looks, TNT still feels strengthened and taken to Olympus.
  • TBS specializes in comedy and an attempt to offer Comedy Central stand up. As you can see, however, the attempt was unsuccessful, it is almost exclusively shown crap from the archives of Warner Bros. Television.
  • TruTV is also a laughable transmitter that spans almost exclusively shows, stupid people and stupid people who take part in yet more stupid reality shows, displays. Even the idiots who go to the pools in the basement, truTV can put a smile on your face. Strange, given the typical program titles:

- The dumbest criminals in America!
- The stupidest wanker in supermarkets!
- Horny cops chasing criminals balls in the balls!
- The richest models, unlike us poor bastards!
- Brown family in search of the white gold!
- The most shocking celebrity moments!
- Operation fatso!

  • Lifetime: An angry man once said:

Lifeeeetime is the biggest shit ever perpetrated the fucking feminist movement! Real-time now, love insulted women and gays! Earlier still's television sets as a pure women's channel with high-quality content on a few TV, the program was clogged up (as elsewhere) with reality crap like Dancing Moms (Which bold, seven-time mothers do like to dance? As it wobbles all! Disgusting!). Styling Shows, in which ugly sluts to be beautiful Cinderellas and series, the women allegedly were fully exit, then at that, and you have the program that supposedly love so many women. (Therefore, children do not do drugs!)The same applies to the similar women shit as WE TV, Oxygen or Style Network.

  • The USA Network was originally supposed to be a revolutionary network, but was bought by NBCUniversal and shipped into pay TV. Today USA Network bums around and shows nothing more than NCIS Marathons and bad series ...
  • E! Entertainment is a notorious channel that provides people with the latest gossip. E! in action sounds like this: "Does Amy Winehouse having an affair with Gwen Stefani Is Brad Pitt gay lovable Will Smith at the premiere of his latest film, And! Interview with Sharon Stone's cousin sixth grade now at the E News! "That sounds bad, is it too! And it even tops TMZ! In pay-TV is now allowed all times ...
  • Bravo was originally an art channel, but changed to evil, and shows a lot of scary reality shit, only a little bit softer, gayer and sillier than elsewhere.
  • Syfy is home to many sci-fi nerds, trash films, thanks to numerous series and poor even poorer. Nevertheless, taking pride in NBCUniversal to Syfy because it offers many of the homeless a home. They say.
  • History used to be a channel that dealt with history, but now is mostly crap reality shows to reach out to the masses. Many historians already hanged themselves because they had no hope.
Scary

Chiller: Not for wimps!

  • Chiller will entice you with its program of horror movies and horror series, the young, hard-core audience to himself, but receives only ever read letters from outraged parents.
  • The Biography Channel is the small, but not necessarily fine sister station of History. Biographies will most like only on the website (from the Wikipedia depreciated) or shown by 2 clock at night. Otherwise you prefer to send reality shit as naughty brats, celebrities who have so suffered harm or cheap copies of "Ghost Hunters".
  • G4 is a different kind of channel. Recently beamed to a university project, from the Happy Tree Friends, who had success, but it belasste here. Sun shines G4 only nerdy game shows, Let's Plays and reruns of COPS, which one is currently only at the biggest nerds successfully.

edit Knowledge shit

edit Viacom shit

Soul food

Crass nutrition tips from fat Monique!

  • BET is the base platform and entertainment channel for the African American population and fit the common stereotype of the rich whites: 80% of the program are reality shows, which in turn 50% of swear words. Nevertheless, BET has always accompanied the African-American all her life: from childhood to old age home. The rest of the program are shown sitcoms cheap and even cheaper R & B music.
  • Logo is Viacom's cornerstone of gay and gave the media conglomerate a lot of fame thanks to a large fan base. It offers a bit of everything: travelogues, movies, reality shows and their own soap opera, all just a big tick gayer. Last year was 100,000. outraged Christian viewers reported.
  • Comedy Central is home to many abused cartoon characters, some comedians and some abused abused, old sitcoms. This mix speaks to many abused makes Comedy Central nerds and a pioneer of comedy. Because many wanted something from the success, the station was taken over by Viacom brutally. Down with them!

edit Children shit

edit Sport shit

edit Religous shit

edit Elsewhere

edit Swaziland new

Swaziland RULES!
Swaziflag Bananashit
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Swazi warriors, unite! And now, jump off the cliff!"
Anthem: Sunshine Nigga
Capital The King's Hat
Official language(s) Growls, pain sounds, called as English by the inhabitants
Government Dictatorship
King Kong Mswati III
National Hero(es) The king
Declaration
 of Independence
by mistake
Major exports Blood, AIDS, Millet

The Promised Kingdom of Swaziland is an enclave surrounded by South Africa, somewhere near the middle of nowhere. Since the majority of the population has AIDS, women from the dominant males suppresses passionate and forbidden by the government, were all of life resides in the country, the state as "parasites"-rated farmers for the 876headed royal family for an hourly wage of a plow moldy toast 25 hours a day must, and the acclaimed king of the country's power, sexually, politically, militarily and culinary repeatedly acting out, can you describe the country willy-nilly as a developing country. However, the King Mswati III. recognizes that designation since the beginning of his personally created era, and raise an objection against the UN, the NATO, the Arabic Union, ExxonMobil and the EU.

edit How something could happen

Through a misunderstanding, the small country gained independence from the British Empire in 1968. The false claim that there would an endangered people, the Swazi, in fact, Somali extras, in a small patch of northeast South Africa live, they get through and had been like many other countries of the black continent, the possibility a beautiful to establish tyrannical dictatorship. These plans was the Crown Prince toilet brush maybe even after protests built the former resistance fighter and porn prince an absolute monarchy, in other words, the same as a dictatorship, just a bit like Kate and Willam, pompous and regal, as it is in this country appreciate.

His successor, Sobhuza showed him the last honor. The Swazi, provided that there were still remained quite still for long, also as many opponents, green, blue and red were beaten when Sobhuza disposed of Parliament and taking into account the entire family, including babies in its power business. Sometime overdid it and the king had now 20 women and 600 children, so he pulled the plug. After eternal wranglings Mswati III became. the new king. He struggled painfully against AIDS and other inconveniences, survived the withdrawal of many companies trying like Microsoft after the end of apartheid in South Africa economically important (not his countrymen, unfortunately) and against the abhorrent democracy, who wanted to settle. This was successful, the average hourly wage of a worker grew to 3 cents, to celebrate the day, rendered the king some more BMWs, his fleet was full his bed as well.

Today is Swaziland, despite the secular-related, basic changes, still the good old, small country, despite an average of eighty births per woman in danger of extinction and sealed off from the outside world as a depressive cockroach. The worker still smelling of pus and sweat, the economy is just as small and insignificant as before. The number of royal BMWs, illiteracy, and mortality rate, all three wonderfully high. Dissenters are depending on the mood of the king still in tormented funniest way, not to mention gay and annoying creatures entirely. So Swaziland is an example for other rich dictators. What is missing? A nuclear program! For this purpose they sent some dedicated workers to Chernobyl. It will pick up on, the green gold ...

Racistnigger

A son of the king, meanwhile fled and disappeared in Austria.

edit Economy

Swaziland's economy is neglible, with the exception of several farmers who feed really only the King family, and perhaps even their own family with products of all kinds, the Africa department of Coca Cola, a meanwhile destroyed by angry homeless oil refinery and from the king banned condom production. No kidding.

edit AIDS

AIDS in Swaziland sucks all: The grandpa croaked completely random, without saying anything, and children are dying like bacteria. According to the king, the people are so infested with AIDS, because God should have punished the wrong people by mistake. Others deny this "pipe dream" all the way.

edit The King

File:KingSwaziland.jpg

The king is the most powerful element in Swaziland. Even the relationship must siezen him. Anyone who compares him in the same breath with the infantrywill be killed mercilessly. The king has a full fleet of BMWs, as large as London. His fortune is estimated at about $ 200 billion, a thousand times greater than the annual gross national product. The king meet with dictators around the world like to to shoot in the group for fun some homeless people. Sounds like fun! He also owns 200 women, but these are only estimates, because the King is currently still occupies the reading course.

edit Sport

The official sport in Swaziland is a "pregnancy race", where competitors have to try and impregnate more virgins than the king, who happens to hold the record with a staggering 300 children and 55 wives. So far, the person who has come the closest is Jacob Zuma, with 274 children and 42 wives, despite alledged showering with Julius Malema.

Swaziland competed as part of a sporting initiative for the promotion of the Olympic Games 2024, the FIFA World Cup 2026 and the Sex Festival in 2022. Sounds great, but the athletes must be continually replaced, for some inexplicable circumstances ...

edit Statistics

AIDS rate

Swaziland

98 %

Simbabwe

89 %

South Africa

50 %

Russia

25 %

United States

2 %

North Korea

0,1 % (Kim Jong-il's gay brother)

Liechtenstein

- 0,2 % (percentage number purchased, so in the negative)

"The stairs fallen" government opponents 2011

Swaziland

897

North Korea

802

China

765

Russia

182,5 (The 0.5 was the dog of a regime critic, who was shot down accidentally)

Kirgistan

112

United States

1

Greenland

(A drunken polar bear)

Deaths per 1000 inhabitants 2011

Swaziland

850

Kongo

211

Egypt

59

Russia

56 (Including 52 vodka corpses

Mexico

21

United States

4

Antarctica

(A drunken penguin)

edit See NOT

edit To Shoot up Homeless

Personal tools
projects