If You're Looking For Me I Left Some Time Ago. Please Turn Off The Gas.
Gbrading can't come to the phone right now Honey; Can you tell me what it's about?
You have reached Gbrading. Hello. After being an editor of Wikipedia for what feels like an awfully long time, with my nose to the grindstone (thus loosing my nose in the process), I have decided to join the lightheartedness of Uncyclopedia, to give a bit of a change from the very hardline work at the other place. So I try only, as my dear friend Oscar Wilde would have wanted, to be both witty and humorous. So I dub my post as an Uneditor. If I were a zombie, I would thenceforth be known as an Undead Uneditor, and if I were an evil zombie, I would be an Uncivil Undead Uneditor. It might not be glamorous but at least it pretends to be a living.
Gbrading was born in a time before he can remember, in the United Kingdom, or so it has been claimed. He is only a man, and if you cut him he will actually bleed. Some say that he now resides in a cave, others claim some sort of house dwelling would be more suitable. His genuine location is totally unknown, even by himself. He was educated at a reasonably good school, and achieved reasonably good qualifications, attend a reasonably good University and achieved a reasonably poor degree, before landing himself a reasonably good job. He now controls the movements of the stars, men and factories, and all celestial objects in between. He is however, not a Communist, or even a Socialist, if there is a difference (which there is). Bowing to popular demand (gunpoint), he now owns a mobile phone, though he makes a point to never use it. He can be contacted via an archaic system of electronic wiring across networks, known as "Inter-Net". He also claims to have invented the word cruciality (bizarre, I know), although many sources doubt this. In response, he doubts the existence of these sources.
He believes the best comedy is slick, black and satirical, like oil, and even occasionally chocolate. He believes himself to be a relatively witty individual, and has written several popular jokes, one of which it is claimed Queen Elizabeth II once coughed very gently in response to hearing. Punchlines are best delivered unexpectedly, like contagious diseases, famine, or unwanted bills (although all three at the same time may often be too much). He does not find stupidness amusing in anyway, and although many people have told him to lighten up because of this, he refuses to do so. A carefully planned and executed joke is nearly always better than a wet eel of circumstance.
There is currently nothing written here, apart from what you are reading at this precise moment. Sorry. Maybe one day, but at the moment, all is intentionally blank. There will not be a picture of a goat either. Do not send in replacement goat pictures.
P.S. There genuinely is no Cabal. If you don't believe me, I really can't help you. Gbrading(ταlκ) 02:14, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
Scissors. We like to think of them as simply a means to an end, but there is a lot more to this often overlooked instrument than just that. Use your scissors every day, and make them feel appreciated. Sponsored by the Campaign for Domestic Scissors Inclusion (CDSI): A proud member of the American Century Broadcasting Network.
editRemember, Water and Cheese are not entirely useful as telephonic devices. Brought to you by the Water Biscuit and Cheese Wheel Company