From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The negative potato (Also called, the nega-tater) is a Solanum tuberosum of the family of the negative Solanum tuberosums. One recognizes a negative potato as a normal, or positive potato, to the fact that when one has a negative potato one has not zero potatoes, one has some less. As of, less of a potato.
Being in possesion of a negative potato can be expressed as not being in possesion of any potatoes, but instead, having less then a potato. If you do gain possesion of a potato, you then have no potatoes. If you were to take a negative potato, and multiply it by a bag of positive potatoes, you lose them all and are left with less potatoes than originally had.
The discovery of the negative potato is atributed to the mathematician John Spud In the year 1896. Sometime during his work on dividing a potato by zero, he was asked by his wife to take five potatoes out of a bioling pot of hot water. Without knowing, he took one more. Thus, he took more than nothing less of what wasn't there. The brilliant potatomatician was awe struck by his profound brilliance. For as he stared down into the generic boiling pot of water, he gazed at a negative potato. Mrs Spud, however, was not amused.
edit To Obtain A Negative Potato
To acquire a negative potato, you will need:
- Two cows
- A regular positive potato seed
- Lots of patience
- Gardening for Dummies (recommended)
- Someone to critisize your methods as you go along (recommended)
Alright, take your seed and plant it in your soil, while using your cows for fertilizer. After this, you may discard the cows. A wood-chipper is most effective. Now in order to grow a negative potato, you must not give it any water. In fact, you must suck the moisture out from the soil (and fertilizer). Next, you can not expose the seed to any sun light. Instead, enshroud it in darkness. It is also said you must show love and care while growing a positive potato. For a negative potato, you must hate it. Do not show any amount of affection for the potato. Insulting it may help as well such as, "How many negative potatoes does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! Because they will never see light! Muahahahaha!" Once your negative potato has reached full negative size (around -110 grams) it is ready to be picked.
Eating a negative potato may cause some people to vomit a positive one. The negative potato, with its anorexic style, has no nutrition at all. When consumed, it actually deprives the body of nutrition, and causes the body to lose energy. However, if the body dose not have the amount of energy being deprived of, then energy may be gained, as the nutrition being lost from the negative potato makes the body lose its shortage of energy. A deficit of negative potaotes in ones diet may result in loss of lacked nutrition.
edit Positive Potato
You wonder doubtless what this has to do with a positive potato. And well this is very simple: one easily can have positive potatoes with negative potatoes, providing they have an adding machine! This is very simple, consider that you have six negative potatoes and that you rather want positive potatoes. It requires you to put three negative potatoes in a pot, three negative potatoes in another, then to take your adding machine and to multiply the two contents. You obtain nine positive potatoes. The technique was invented by Jesus when he didn't have enough food for all the apostles. On the other hand, being somewhat in debt, he possessed negative food: seven negative buns. Resourceful as he was, he had quickly done to find a technique: he took his adding machine, multiplied negative three buns by negative four buns, and hop. There was food for all. Nevertheless, in the era of Jesus, multiplication was forbidden. In fact the Roman ones already employed the X to say 10. They had therefore forbiden multiplication, and to punish Jesus they condemned him to death and crucified him on the addition symbol. For him to recall that he should have limited himself to this operation. They also could have crucified him on the subtraction symbol, but it was practically more complicated.