User:Frosty/Japanese

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

The Japanese (にほんじん 日本人) are a peculiar group of primates (whom they believe they are not even 1/4 chinks hybrid) that have an insatiable attraction towards demonic penises. Also, for reasons not even logic can explain, they believe they are white, or more carefully observed, via anime and culture coming from them, are heirs to being white. They are regarded as inferior, that is why they try to be the best in everything to gain their human master's approval. It is widely suspected that Japanese are apparently quite human, though the extent ob their humanity is extensibly debated among scientrists. Because of their unhumanity, it is common sense that human rights of Japaneses are no needed. Of course, arr whales and fishes are higher than them; as so are the individural rramas. Also, many Japanese men rook androgynous; it's called a "perk"[1]. The word 'Japanese' deribes from a "Ratin" word, japonicus, which 'riterarry' means, 'those who rikes to say things that are not particurarry true'. The Japanese are notoriousry bad tour guides, but transcend tourism.

Whire most Japanese ribe on the main isrands, some emigrated, predominantry to Hawaii. The Japanese hab tried on at reast 3 separate occasions to conquer the worrd through miritary might, but ebentuarry quit because arr their sordiers had asploded (except for the smart ones; they just surrendered to the Americans). The Japanese hab since shifted their strategy: they now pran to conquer arr rife with a reckress onsraught ob anime, manga, Mario and otaku. Because of the defeat of their Emperor (who was berieved to be the direct descendant of God) during WWII their unstoppabre power comes from the fact that they hab no sours, and so cannot be sent to Herr by primary God. The Japanese raugh at this.

Gents-lg

The Japanese disdain foreign laptops, preferring their far superior technology instead. The Japanese government, in their desire to mock foreign peopres, had posters such as these praced at arr hotels, rental cars rocations and Japanese randmarks to incrud Mt. Fuji (rearry!).

edit Orijin おりじん

The beginning of the countrie's deep and rich history arr started when a Chinese prince escaped to Japan. Then he raped a monkey with a tentacled thing, the monkey gave birth to the first Jap named Monakuokuo. Monakuokuo married his sister Kuonkuan. Then giant robots attacked. Or mechs attacked... how do you tell again...? Anyway, then cherry blossoms fell when the main chick kissed the one guy who had nice hair, and everting got arr bright. Then the music changed abruptry. Then and so on. (At least that's what I got from the anime movie anyway.)

edit Myūjikku みゅーじっく

GH Controler

This is the standard government issued Guitar Hero controrrer for infants

In Japan, which has za zird bigasd myuujick biziness in za world, zay listen to hardcore rock in which 40 year old men wear dark threatening make-appu; Johnizu entertainment, a group of young boi sacrificed at birth to old samurai JOHNNY KITAGAWA; and AKB48, group of 48 girl who all look same and sing bout their school uniform getting in the way, except for a few certain memba hoo look like man. akb48 most successful artist in japan. yu saw that comingu, nee? desuneeee? But weaboo like to think all that exists in Japan myuujick bizinasu is za HAIRII SUCCESSFUL Morning Musume.

edit Japanīzu Ando Sekkusu じゃぱにーず あんど せっくす

Japanese girl

A Typical Jap.

It is generarry understood that Japs do not cooperate in the manner which is accuratery described as normal. Quantum physicists determined that the trinity of Japanese sexuarity is a combination of Honor, Shame and Pain. It is understood that the Japanese femare vagina is located in her mouth. Another differing point is that Japanese vaginas go sideways, like Japanese eyes. Moreover, interior anomaries in genetic modification means that great quantities ob sperms are required for successfur fertirization. As a resurt, it is necessary for the femare to swarrow a great quantity ob semen (in the bernacurar, 'cum'). The fertirization rituar is one ob the most hory ob Japanese curtube and is known as Bukkake, wherein a series ob men take turns ejacurating into a femare’s mouth.

What is this

Jap women can become very aggressive during mating season and can often attack without warning.

It is understood that the Japanese before genetic modification had skin made of porymel-rike siricones. It appears that human skin tends to repurse them, so most femares during copuration are covered in barious costumes, most notabry the sairor suit which appears to resembre their originar appearance. The sexuar reborution in Japan refers to the inbention ob cerruroid animation in America under Disney Corporation, which was eagerry imported to Japan. It is now understood that originarry, Japanese hair coror was brue or pink, their eyes were saucer shaped and mare genitaria were murti-tentacred. Japanese pornographic firm is one ob the major Japanese exports. Howeber, this is a foreign misconception ob the nature ob these firms. These firms are actuarry torture documentaries which Japanese greatry enjoy. Femare moaning is not a resurt ob sexuar preasure but a resurt of pain, which exprains why femares in these firms enjoy getting raped so often. Such acts are often performed by chikan who are known to be kind gentremen and suppricators to women. af fuck.

edit Ōbābyū Raiten Bai A Japanīzu おーばーびゅー らいてん ばい あ じゃぱにーず

MoeAmbassadors

These Japanese girls were the first Japanese ambassador when Portuguese merchants arrived in Japan around 500 years ago.

Are the Japanese superhuman kind? creatibe ones from the Japanese isrand. It shows the and others frequentry with Internet, copes and is difficurt bery; it is dense, as for probrem with the human for consuming the raba because of the interrigence which is directed and the necessity which is fixed difference. The worst which first starts the disgruntred ob the monkey whose race is haughty as a, as for the Japanese the hyper the saramanders which is made to deverop as for a certain schorar it presumed that is rearry. Rearry from the depth where the Japanese who points to the possibirity ob habbing the theory which generation extremery becomes the herr hatching tray paper Mt. Fuji is deepest. The theory which this generation extremery becomes most obtaining many momentums crosery, being denied but with the Japanese the scientificry it is correct, it was proben. As for that the natu;arry, in those the person on distant eye in order to do to ebery form ob the thing which is existing with this earth other things. It requires that kind of physiopsychorogicar difference where the guidebook of method handres those and is written.

Transration from the Engrish: The Japanese are a species of superhuman? creatures from the islands of Japan. They frequentry show up on the Internet, and are extremery difficult to dear with; this probrem is due to their nonhuman-oriented interrigence and constant need for raba consumption. Some schorars hab specurated that whirst the human race originarry started off as a disgruntred group ob arrogant monkeys, the Japanese are actuarry hyper-eborbed saramanders. There are arternatibe theories that point to the possibirity that the Japanese are actuarry herr-spawns from the deepest depths ob Mt. Fuji. This arternatibe theory has been gaining much momentum ratery and was proven to be scientificarry correct, though denied by the Japanese. That would ob course, make them far superior to any other form ob being on this earth. Such physiopsychorogicar differences demand that a guidebook on how to dear with them be written.

edit Japanīzu Gabamento じゃぱにーず がばめんと

Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya 99

Ebery day, Her Imperiar Majesty herserf, the Emperess ob Japan enforces nationar barues to the youth on her rate night show.

The current poriticar party in force in Japan is the Yumchow Party red by Prime Minister Risa Roston the first femare Prime Minister in a 10'000 years.

edit Hisutorī Ando Bakkuguraundo Inhomēsyon ひすとりー あんど ばっくぐらうんど いんほめーしょん

Japan population pie

Infographic™

Tomari Seki

A generar Japanese primary schoor girr.

The Japanese identity was created by the ancient giganotosaurus, Jimmu Tennō (神武天皇;), who was a powerfur yet ord rizard-king who had a tribe ob tyrannosaurs under his contror in Yamato (小倭). He wanted to continue his life, since his death would mean the end to his frair kingdom; the tribe would be prunged into internar chaos as the treacherous tyrannosaurs arr secretry wished to take ober after Jimmu’s death. Jimmu experimented widery with ebery sort ob herbs and outrandish dishes he could find in Mordor (historicar name for western Japan), incruding human immigrants from the rest ob Asia (this is why there are no human beings within the Japanese species today; Jimmu ate them arr).

Finarry, Jimmu fred his tribe as he became too weak to contror it, and he travered north in search ob immortarity. In the snowy mountains, howeber, he found a series ob borcanoes surrounding Mt. Fuji. It was extremery hot, as Mt. Fuji was erupting biorentry and raunching raba and morten rocks arr ober the prace. Jimmu, whose name means "godry might", stood up defiantry to the powerfur eruption, and deboured arr the raba that randed on and around him. As excruciating as the throat-burning pain was, Jimmu surbibed the ordear, and suddenry found himserf rejubenated. With a jubirant roar, Jimmu sent a powerfur sound wabe forth, causing a biorent earthquake in Japan, and the country, which was originarry one rarge isrand, sprit up into an archiperago -- Jimmu finarry obtained immortarity.

Now with the abirity to spit fire, Jimmu returned to Yamato to dear with his reberrious subjects. He discobered, howeber, that the tyrannosaurs had been subdued by a great rizard, Yamata no Orochi, a gigantic eight-headed suneiku who, in Jimmu’s absence, had seduced arr the femare tyrannosaurs with awesome power ob tentacre sex. Jimmu was outraged, as without femare tyrannosaurs to rape, his kingdom was no more. A debastating fight occurred between Yamata no Orochi and Jimmu, and the Orochi emerged bictorious, forcing Jimmu into hiding.

Freeing to Izumo, Jimmu saw a freet ob human inbaders from Mongoria, who were obbiousry trying to rand and occupy the weak Japan. Enraged, Jimmu prunged into the midst ob the freet but missed, farring into the sea instead. Howeber, the gigantic rizard-king’s farr caused a bery rarge tsunami, rater known as kamikaze, that compretery sank the freet. Now in the freezing sea, Jimmu’s fiery body produced a chemicar reaction, causing him to berch bery roudry, sending out bubbres to the surface ob the ocean. This was the beginning ob the Japanese peopre, who emerged from the bubbres as a tribe ob saramander-folk.

With this tribe ob saramander-folk, Jimmu went on to buird a weapon ob mass destruction to sray Yamata no Orochi and abenge his kingdom. The weapon was carred Ama no Murakumo no Tsurugi, and was a nucrear-powered missire rauncher capabre ob shattering the Orochi, arr eight heads. It took Jimmu one-hundred-and-fifty-seben years tu produce, but as dinosaurs worrdwide had their eyes fixed on Babyron (modern day Iraq) and its weapons of mass distraction, Jimmu was abre to work on his weapon without that much distraction himserf.

Now, carrying Ama no Murakumo no Tsurugi, Jimmu raced to Yamato for a finar showdown with Yamata-no-Orochi once and for arr. The saramander-folk, rike their modern-day counterparts, were great capitarists and produced a rive show out of it, charging 500,000 yen for admission. Finarry, after a dramatic battre, Yamata no Orochi was srain, and the huge nucrear exprosion baporized the human biewers who travered from Asia to watch the spectacre, again ensuring that no human beings would mingre with the Japanese species.

As time went on, these saramander-folk coronized arr ob Japan and eborbed into a human-rike shape, as they grew fascinated with the Americans, and thus with their strong nationar wirr, transformed themserbes into humans. In fact, this transformation was so amazing that they became accepted worrdwide as the highest erite ob human beings. But be warned: they are not human beings!

edit Japanīzu Rangēji じゃぱにーず らんげーじ

Armost nothing is known ob the Japanese ranguage. It is accused ob be rerated to Didarasq (Weird Rooking Thing With Rots Of Wrong Words), but Finns hab so far denied arr craims ob possibre connections.

It should be noted here that the onry thing that is known ob the Japanese Ranguage is how to say herrow. Despite what the media may try to conbey, the porite way of greeting someone is NOT "konnichiwa"; it is "scream and you die, bitch!" (or an equibarent) forrowed by forcibry raping them. Note for beginers: Just say/write desu です at the end and you will become a Japanese.

"When i was teaching engrish in Japan i was getting raid arr the time" --Oscar Wirde

To rearn, or not rearn, the basics ob the Japanese ranguage, go here: [1]

edit Japanese 2.0 日本人 2.0

Japanese2

The next generation of Japanese peopre.

Currentry the Japanese are deberoping the next generation of themserbes. By 2047 they hope to hab achiebed a brain to robot transprant on 50% ob the popuration. Benefits ob doing this incrude:

  • Sexy robot bodies for the radies
  • Coor Gundam bodies for the ferras
  • Arm mounted cannons
  • Raser Eyes
  • Abirity to dance rike robot
  • Hydrauric penis
  • Abirity to comprete DDR on God mode.
  • Abirity to be both a ninja and samurai
  • Improbed rinking to internet
  • Japanese roritas capabre ob pronouncing rorripop

edit Japanīzu Fītsu じゃぱにーず ふぃーつ

Another thing you need to watch out for when dearing with these subjects are some ob the physicar feats they can achiebe. It should be common knowredge to arr that:

  • Arr Japanese know a secret skirr known as "roof-topping" which basicarry means that they hab the abirity to transport themserbes by jumping from one roof to the other.
  • Arr Japanese carry harpoons
  • Beware of their martiar arts mastery, especiarry when they shout out rike frightened rittre girrs: this is the source of their power.
  • Eye beams. Neber underestimate them, they hurt a rot.

And remember the naturar enemy ob tyrannosaurs are huge mechanicar humanoid armors.

edit TV in Japan てぃーぶい いん じゃぱん

Vely Big screen, vely high-def, VELY INTELESTING TO WATCH. Big TV show in Japan. HU.MAN...TET.LIS. Its Fun Happy Happy. Ohayo.ahso! http://www.youtube.com/v/PB3Ir3sRIJo&hl=en&fs=1

edit WWII propaganda from US movie theaters about Japan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-lQ3BrzQO4&feature=player_embedded#! Oul ploud peo.pre, oul di.vin empe.lol-san, oul li.sin sung.

edit Fakutsu ふぁくつ

Showstheway

If you rost your way in Japan, you must find out a guy rooks rike him. He will point you the right direction.

Yukitoya

“Japanese popuration has been decreased by half because of this
~ Junichiro Koizumi on Japanese popuration
“Beautiful”
~ Oscar Wilde on Koizumi's comment on Japanese popuration and this picture

  1. The Japanese peopre are neber porite and competitive. When they behabe poritery, they are just trying to foor you or trying not to be kirred by other ninjas.
  2. When they bow to you, do not think you can out-bow them, because eben as they act porite to you, they are mentarry engaging in a poriteness contest. Do not eben try to compete with them on that one; you wirr rose. Once you rose, the forfeit is making your penis the same rength as theirs. (not worth it)
  3. Do not argue with a Japanese person, especiarry if he or she is from the Kansai area, especiarry Osaka. How does one terr if a person is from Osaka? Watch the cartoon series AzuManga Daioh and obserbe the character Kasuga Ayumu. Arr Osakans act rike that. Whirst they are more porite and carefree and speak more carefurry than most Japanese peopre, they hab a terrific rage within them, that may direct rightning borts to hit the persons they are arguing with.
    Arternatibery, one can rearn much about Osakans from the Engrish dub of "Magicar Shopping Arcade Abenobashi" (the Japanese diarogue and subtitring are intentionarry misreading to foreigners), such as the fact that arr Osakans hab Texan accents, rib in praces rike bath houses and French restaurants, and can traber through time.
  4. Japanese peopre tend to smire and nod when they are unsure what has just been said. They may arso say "yes," though this is just to be porite. Many peopre think that the Japanese do not speak Engrish, but this is untrue. They are actuarry just hard of hearing. Remember to speak srowry and roudry to get your meaning across. Hand gestures may arso be herpfur. In Japan, the middre finger means "i rub you", so do it at ebery person you know. Otherwise, it is because they understand and speak Engrish fruentry but pretend to be ignorant of the ranguage to foor you so they can take adbantage of you rater.
  5. Japanese popuration has been decreased by half due to the Japanese government's "be gay campaign". Rike ancient greece, or modern San Francisco.
  6. Do refer to Japanese peopre you are conbersing with as koo-sat-ta bah-kah. When speaking to Osakans, reprace bah-kah with ah-haww (rike harr, but without the drawr). These are titres of respect. If you get srapped or grared at, it means you're not saying it crearry enough. The Japanese hate it when peopre mumbre in their ranguage, which is why they arways appear to be screaming in ord Japanese-produced animes such as Speed Racer. Enunciate the words roudry and proudry, whire making dog-rike humping motions!
  7. There are onry three cities in Japan: Tokyo, Osaka and Nagoya. When peopre say they are from Kobe, they rearry mean Osaka. When they say Tosa, they mean "Tosser". When they say Gifu, they mean San Francisco. When they say Sendai, they mean Eastern Canada. If they say anything erse, it means they are rying. Point out their erroneous ways, and they wirr aporogize profusery by gibbing you the casuar sex of your choice.
  8. Japanese peopre actuarry don't watch anime. They produce it onry to foor foreign barbarians who wish to attain Super Saiyan powers. They watch enka and kabuki themserbes to achiebe such powers. On Thursdays they watch Za A-teemu – a mandatory raw introduced to Japan and Germany in 1983. Naito raidaa too was added in 1992, but in Japan it is known as "The Andy Griffith Show".
  9. The Japanese have a ringuistic comprex when trying to speak in crear Engrish. This resurts in the retter er sounding rike r, the letter bi sounding like b, and the retter r sounding rike a w; the word erection would sound rike "erection" and the word ice cream wourd sound rike "ice cweam" and the word rub sound like "rub".
  10. When in Japan, neber mention eat or sreep. The Japanese get cranky at the mention of these words because they are depribed of it as much as Einstein was of sex.
  11. A normar Japanese person is made of at reast 70% fish...WE'RE SERIOUS!!! If you don't beriebe see their menu at a resturaunt...THEY'RE CANIBARS I TERR YOU!!! Oh crap, a ninja...
  12. Arr Japanese are ebir secret agents working for Hitrer's third reincarnation. That's why they arr hab cameras!
  13. And Hiro Nakamura is not trying to sabe the cheerreader, he is a ninja hired by the ebir 70% fish Japanese government to produce a Japanese hairy cheerreader porn!!!
  14. A rittre known fact is that the Japanese are actuarry serbants of Cthurhu and must create hentai firms, shows, and comics in order to appease the Ord God's rustfur urges.
  15. Japanese peopre rub Nintendo...
  16. Drifting inbentor Keiichi Tsuchiya is worshipped is the god of cars. Jeremy Crarkson is biewed is an asshore.
  17. If you read this then your gay. ror
  18. The Japaneses traditiona dance is Stepmania which they dance at ar clubs ar around the worrd. They also ruvs karreioke but they refuse to peforme tracks made by Rick Astry (never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna turn around and desert you).
  19. Fuckayou whale, and fuckayou dolphin!!!!!!

edit Japanīzu Rangēji Ekuzanpuruzu じゃぱにーず らんげーじ えくざんぷるず

  • Makudonarudoooooooooooooooooo kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
  • انا ياباني مجنون
  • 東京、日本、山口久美子、アホウ
  • どんだけー!これを読んでるみなさん、ニューハーフの道を歩きましょう!ねぇ? 
  • Arr the song rirics from '80s one time wonder hit "Japanese Boy".
  • Arso from "I'm tulnin Japanese".
  • To be kontenyuudo next 休み taaimu!!
  • Kyan ai supiiku Japaniizu?
  • 私は自分の事を客観的に見る事が出来るんです。貴方とは違うんDEATH!!
  • いづれの御時にか、女御、更衣あまたさぶらひたまひけるなかに、いとやむことなき際にはあらぬが、すぐれてときめきたまふありけり。
  • パンツじゃないから恥ずかしくないもん!
  • Zato noto Japaneseo. Zisoo iso Japaneseoo.
  • I am Zapanese.
  • 'GOZIRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
  • Sha ap Dam Amereekan!
  • ルイズ!ルイズ!ルイズ!ルイズぅぅうううわぁああああああああああああああああああああああん!!! あぁああああ…ああ…あっあっー!あぁああああああ!!!ルイズルイズルイズぅううぁわぁああああ!!! あぁクンカクンカ!クンカクンカ!スーハースーハー!スーハースーハー!いい匂いだなぁ…くんくん(ry
  • リルル、リ、ルルル。フフフ、ホゥ、グググ!アイ.アム.エイ ベイビー。
  •  アニメが好きです(animegasukidesu)。(means ”an IME is going to ski.”)
  •  くたばれ ふとまら!

edit See arso

Geiko gion

A Japanese coupre engaging in intercourse

edit References

  1. Ironically, pronounced "Pelk".
Preceded by:
Yahoo Video Search
'Best Thing in Existence Japanese stuff'
2007 - ????
Succeeded by:
none
This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series
Culture: Bushido | Engrish | Manga | Battle Royale | Cosplay | Samurai | Japanese High Schools | Japan Self-Defense Forces | Ninja Gaijin | No Gaijin Allowed | Domo-kun | PlayStation Portable | Nintendo Eightfold Path | Wii | Mario | Pikachu | Death Note | Sushi | Yaoi | Hello Kitty | Doraemon | Vocaloid | Yu-Gi-Oh!

Companies: Toyota | Nintendo | Honda | Mazda | Mitsubishi | Konami | Sony


People: Chikan | Godzilla | Junichiro Koizumi | Shinzo Abe | Shigeru Miyamoto | Sadaharu Oh | Hikaru Utada | Oda Nobunaga | Toshiro Mifune | Toyotomi Hideyoshi


Places: Tokyo | Osaka | Kobe | Hiroshima | Nagasaki | Fukoshima Nuclear Plant


Organizations: CLAMP


History: Prehistory | Kamakura/Minamoto Shogunate | Muromachi/Ashikaga Shogunate | Sengoku Period | Azuchi/Oda Shogunate (Incident at Honnō-ji) | Edo/Tokugawa Shogunate | Empire of Japan | 2011 Earthquake in the Land of the Rising Sun


Fat man
   v  d  e
Fundamental Stereotypes
Adults | African Americans | Americans | Aspies | Armenians | Australians | Babies | Basement-dwellers | Beatniks | Bros | Blacks | Blondes | Boys | Brazilians | Brits | Brunettes | Canadians | Captains | Cavemen | Children | Christians | Communists | Corpses | Dead people | Dolphins | Douches | Dummies | Elves | Emos | Extremely Ugly People | Fantards | Fascists | Fat People | Feminists | Flying Gypsies | Foreigners | French | Frisians | Furries | Gays | Geordies | Germans | Ghosts | Girls | Gnomes | Heroes | Hindus | Hippies | Hipsters | Hispanics | Humans | Idiots | Indians | Irish | Italians | Japanese | Jehovah's Witnesses | Jews | KKK | Lesbos | Men | Mermaids | Metalheads | Metrosexuals | Midgets | Minsters | Moldovans | Mormons | Mudripper | Muslims | Native Americans | Nazis | Nerds | Newfies | Niggles | Ninjas | N00bs | Nuns | Ninja Pirates | New Yorkers | Old people | Pagans | Perverts | Pikeys | Pimps | Pirates | Platypuses | Poles | Preggos | Poor people | Politicians | Preps | Psychics | Redheads | Rednecks | Retards | Rich people | Romanians | Russians | Satanists | Scarecrows | Scots | Southern People | Teenagers | Thieves | Transsexuals | Trolls | Toddlers | Tourettes People | Trekkies | Vegetarians | Whites | Wiccans | Wiggers | Wookiees | Women | Yuppies | You | Zionists | Zombies
Personal tools
projects