User:Frankmanstein/Utica Center for Math Science and Technology

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edit Utica Center for Math Science and Technology


Triangle, Squiggly line, Sigma.

edit Quick Overview

The Utica Center for Math Science and Technology, located in Sterling Heights, Michigan, started off when the Utica school district found five extra Ti-30 calculators in the flooded basements of Ford II High School, the school was born on these. The goal of the institution has changed many times through the years:

  • First goal was a cheap labor force for inventing new ideas for Nike, was 100% successful until members were found to be 99% caucasion, the "idea factory" for Nike was relocated to a more "urban" community understanding NBA players, they are now in Beijing

  • The second goal found a more proper use in the calculators and made the district a lot of money, but after some nerds... students, went home with bruises, parents discovered they were charging money for students at Stevenson, Utica High, and Ford II to throw calculators at the losers. The end of this enterprise effectively started the economic crisis in Michigan, as it was the highest grossing industry in the state, second only to scalping Red Wings tickets.

  • The present goal is to breed not only smart children, but children who are also amazingly sexy, bringing about a name change into "Michigan's Sexiest Teens". The name was choosen after the name "Michigan's Intellectual and Lovely looking Frosh (another word for student)" (MILF), was disproved by many of the students, while being approved by many of the female parents.
    Michigan's sexiest teens

    The OP wishes he were them.

  • The fourth goal is to become a Meme Master. Because knowing memes makes you look cool and popular, right?

edit Enrollment

After several different runs around the county, the teachers at MST had successfully baited the first class onto the bus, "I have the proof to the Pythagorean Theorum...". The first class was formed. Upon further studies it was found that the class included several socially adjusted individuals, so the admissions process has changed to several tests and/or questions:

  • The primary test is a simple calculator check, anything under a Ti-83 is sent away from the door. (note, if calculator less that Ti-83, but a pocket protector and/or "Pokedex" is on person, they bipass this clause)
  • The secondary test is sitting in a room with three current students discussing the "Halo" book series, or last nights episode of "X-Play" on G4, if they recognize one of these, they are moved further. (note, if subject makes any sort of reference to "Dungeons and Dragons" or talks about how much they disagree with Adam and Morgan they pass this step) (further note, if you know who Adam and Morgan are YOU ARE A LOSER.)
  • The last step is to lightly toss them a soft foam ball, the expected reaction is a shrill scream, hiding under a chair, attacking the object, or, if they posses any sort of reflex, a long fumble to catch the ball with eventual failure.

  • (The idea of a physical test on paper has arisen... but it is all a sham to see who cranks out problems on their calculator wrist watches.)

edit Student Population

Suprisingly, quite normal.

edit Sports

MST students are comonly geeks and nerds, therefore the school has declined an athletic program due to the unahleticness of its pupils. Another reason is because of the astronomical injuries that would undoubtedly occur when subjecting such teens usually found on computers onto a football field. This is the exact reason why the Thundercocks, the male football team, did not even attempt to commence a single practice. Some people also believe that the head trauma that may be suffered by these brilliant students may erase the cure for cancer, aids, or the gum disease commonly referred to as gingivits. When questioned about this, one MST student was found to have said, "Not now, I am almost done with level 6." The most reasonable answer found to the dismisall of sporting teams at the MST was the fact that no human on the face of the earth could be afraid of the "Thunderchicken" mascot, in fact, most people would not know what it is, considering none of the pupils at MST do.

edit Exceptions

As with all other things in life, as you may or may not have been taught in chemistry, there are exceptions to the MST rule. Some of the students, rather than being total nerds, *appear* to be perfectly normal or even cool. Whether these students are really gifted in the subject of "Life" or they just hide their nerdiness is up to debate.

It is MST legend however, that one amongst their ranks will arise, undisputedly both *cool* AND a *genius*. It is told in whispered voices in the back of a computer lab, just over the soft hum of a good game of Tron that this... this being, sent by the gods of gaming, will lead the MSTers to a new age, where girls become infatuated by men with the largest... IQ, and that telling a room full of people that you just got to level 70 in World of Warcraft will get you a round of high fives and several offers to go to the back room. However, until this... this Messiah appears, it will only amount to the kinetic energy wasted by the lungs of those sentient homo sapiens who articulate these supersticious beliefs.

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