User:FookYooChineseFood

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Left-Wing Quotes Right-Wing Quotes
“HE makes me SOOOOOOOOO Hot and Horny!”
“HE makes me SOOOOOOOOO Hot and Horny!”
“HE makes me SOOOOOOOOO Hot and Horny! There is a tingle going up much more than my leg!”
~ Chris Matthews
“HE makes me SOOOOOOOOO Hot and Horny!”
“HE makes me SOOOOOOOOO Hot and Horny!”
“HE makes me SOOOOOOOOO Hot and Horny!”
~ George Clooney
“HE makes me SOOOOOOOOO Hot and Horny!”
~ Chris Christie
“HE makes me SOOOOOOOOO Hot and Horny that I don't even notice that I've lost all of my liberty!”
“Damn, his wife is hot!”
“Obama gave me a free cell phone! Mitt Romney sucks!”
~ Ohio Lady
“How dare this non-Aryan co-opt National Socialism and call it hope and change!”
“He'll never die because Satan won't want the competition in Hell!”
“I'm surprised his ass isn't red white and blue from using the flag to wipe it so much!”
~ Betsy Ross
“Betsy, what the HELL are you talking about? Can someone get me something to scrape the crap stains off?”
“I fought a civil war to free the slaves only to have this dildo come up and ruin it all in less than four years?”

edit Introduction

Left-Wing Version Right-Wing Version

And on the eighth day, there was Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961, in the paradise of Hawaii, because he is so heavenly he could only be born in paradise) is a wonderful, loving angel sent by God Himself to bless the United States of America with his magnificent presence and unsurpassable greatness. He received the Nobel Peace Prize because of his magnificent greatness, even before he has done the magnificent things to earn the prize, because the Nobel committee knew just by his soaring speeches and his undeniably wonderful ideology of making us all the property of the government, that he would rise to a greatness never before seen in the history of this or any other planet. While most people think that he is the child of Barack Hussein Obama Sr. and Ann Dunham, he is actually an Immaculate and Divine conception, delivered to Ms. Dunham in a virgin birth.

As President, our valiant ultra-saint is intent of helping the oppressed common people receive their fair share of American wealth, and on taking back from the filthy evil rich (that is, the conservatives who have enough money to resist his angelic greatness) all of their filthy lucre and redistributing it to the oppressed poor people (that is, the poor people who voted for him and need to do so again). Ohhh, for the day when these pesky elections are no longer needed, and our beautiful cherub of wondrous light can be president for life, or even eternity! Our beloved wondrous King -- oops, President -- has made us so much more secure by using the weapons that the filthy horrible evil stupid disgusting neocon George W. Bush used to oppress terrorists, to protect us, with lovely little drones in our skies. He has appointed wonderful czars to protect us and help us out, and the evil republicans can't do anything about what they do because the czars answer only to Barack's worshipful greatness! When the evil Republicans in Congress stand in the way, Barack just gives them his holy rope-a-dope and takes matters in his own lovely hands! And, to stop the evil Tea Party from abusing the First Amendment and daring to criticize his almighty wonderful self, he is putting a kill switch on the Internet! How wonderful! Now we only have to listen to the good and approved news from the neutral places, such as MSNBC! He is so, so wonderful!

Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961, in Kenya, Indonesia or some other foreign country) is the child of Satan and The Wicked Witch of the West. He is an evil megalomaniac, intent on taking over the United States of America, enslaving its citizens, and torturing all conservatives to death. A hater of liberty, he is an avid follower in the philosophies of Hitler, Mao-Tse Tung, Karl Marx, Stalin and Charles Nelson Reilly. The socialists of this world, seeing an opening to destroy America and eliminate it as the last best hope for freedom, gave Obama the Nobel Peace Price for nothing. He hadn't done crap and he was given this prize in the hope that he would ruin America, and that is his sole mission in life.

As president, the foreigner Obama has moved to ruin the productive in society, and to bribe the less fortunate into voting for him by stripping the wealth of the productive. He has moved decisively to eliminate personal freedoms, and has even ordered hits on unarmed American citizens. He has flooded our skies with unmanned drones to spy on and randomly kill dissenters. He has appointed people to unaccountable high offices without a thought of obeying that annoying Constitution. He is having his henchmen install a kill switch on the Internet to gag the dissent from any voice, so that all they have to listen to is his Big Lie.

edit Biography

edit Early Life

Left-Wing Version Right-Wing Version

As a young boy, little Barack would merrily walk on the Pacific Ocean, talking to each little dolphin and fish in its own language, and telling them how he and only he could make their lives better. One day, when he was turning some water into wine for his parents' dinner, little Barack said that he was going to become a community organizer, then a state senator, then a U.S. Senator, and then he would beat an old grumpy white man and become president. His family marveled at him, and thought he was a little bit -- different. And different he was. Little Barack early on rejected the filthy mess that is the Constitution, knowing that because some of its writers owned slaves, the whole document was stupid and worthless. Little Barack quickly came to see that only he knew what was good for the country, and looked to hang out with people who had the same ideas. He found out those people who knew that Karl Marx was the true prophet of good, and who realized that anyone who was rich could only be evil -- unless they supported him.

Obama began his life in Kenya, with his father, who taught him how to torture, kill and eat puppies. He began his indoctrination into hating America at a young age. We know that there is a Hawaiian birth certificate for him, and furthermore that there was a birth announcement in a Honolulu newspaper, but we don't care, because we are determined to believe that Obama is not eligible to become president. Obama's parents, heathens both, divorced in 1963, teaching the child to hate the traditional family. Obama also learned that America was evil, from his father who attended Harvard, a bastion of America-hatred and anti-American sentiments. His mother found some Indonesian guy named Soetero to marry and Obama became Barry Soetero, technically his real name to this day. But, in order to politically leverage muslims, he reverted to the name of Barack Obama. His mother died in 1995, and Obama and his half sister burned her corpse and engaged in pollution and littering by scattering her ashes on a Hawaiian beach. So if you roll around in the sand and feel weird, you are probably covered in Obama's mother.

edit College

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Our majestic hero began his higher studies at Occidental College in Los Angeles. During our blessed Barack's time in L.A., the earthquakes stopped. The Earth began to cool, the oceans began to recede, and Barack was the ultimate expression of cool! After two years of blessing California with his angelic greatness, Barack moved on to New York and finished his college at Columbia. Even though the filthy traitor George W. Bush hired John Gotti to stop our wonderful Barack's ascendency to Emperor of the World president, the monster's attempts were thwarted by lightning bolts from Heaven and Barack was accepted into that wonderful and majestic school, where conservatives are hated for the slime that they are: Harvard Law! As Barack entered Harvard law, 72 virgins threw rose petals at his wonderful feet for him to walk on! He was elected to be the first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review, and there was talk of his going straight from law school to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court! But Chris Matthews was unfortunately wrong about that.

Obama started to study at Occidental College as a foreign student. He has managed to hide his true studies from the people, because he studied Art to learn how to convincingly forge a birth certificate And English as a second language. Obama was a specialist in studying the methods of election fraud and dictatorship in preparation to fulfill his end of a contract he negotiated with satan to destroy this country from within and subjugate its people to an eternity of despair and torment.

Obama then went on to Harvard Law to study advanced America-hatred. He was so adept at his studies that he was appointed the editor of the Harvard Law review. He has argued extensively that the Constitution is garbage and that people like him are better than everyone else and ought to rule America.

edit Community Organizer

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Two years after graduating college, our beloved Obama was hired in Chicago as director of the Developing Communities Project (DCP). Our wonderful great and awesome leader helped the community to organize and get help to grow after the evil conservatives had destroyed their neighborhoods in an effort to make them completely poor so that they could be richer. Our Blessed Obama also helped the oppressed minorities of the Gamaliel Foundation, a community organizing institute. Isn't it wonderful how our wonderful leader selflessly gives of himself to help us oppressed folk stick it to the man!

Obama, that lazy slug, took two years off after college, and then could only find a job in Chicago as director of the Developing Communities Project (DCP), helping those who had ruined their communities blackmail and strong-arm honest businesses into giving free handouts. In 1988, Obama then traveled, probably using money that he extorted from honest businessmen with his "community organizing." Obama traveled on a lavish junket to Europe and Kenya, spending his ill-gotten gains in other countries for eight weeks.

edit Political Career

edit State Senate

Left-Wing Version Right-Wing Version

After our beloved wonderful magnificent savior's highly successful run as a community organizer, his brilliance was noticed by Chicago politicians, who convinced our beloved Barack to run for the State Senate of Illinois. He ran in 1996 for the Illinois Senate's 13th District and was elected! Everyone in Chicago's Hyde Park, Chicago Lawn and the South Shore broke into spontaneous celebration because they had the honor of our beloved Barack as their state senator! Our wonderful and illustrious Barack was re-elected again in 1998, and in 2002!

However, in 2000, our beloved Barack tried to run against the evil puppet of vile conservative businessmen, Bobby Rush, to move up to the 1st Congressional district. Evil conservative businessmen stuffed the ballot boxes with phony votes that were personally punched out by Fox News employees, and our beloved Barack lost that election. However, he would go on to avenge that loss.

In January 2003, when the good overcame the bad in Illinois, and the wonderful beautiful brilliant Democratic party took over, they recognized their most brilliant and divine genius Barack! Our beloved Barack Obama became chairman of the Illinois Senate's Health and Human Services Committee! What wonderful happiness! Barack the Wonderful sponsored legislation to keep evil conservatives from forcing the police to racially profile suspects! He passed legislation to keep police from evil conservative influence (for we all know that all evil in America comes from conservatives) by videotaping all homicide interrogations! What a wonderful man to protect our helpless hapless citizens from evil conservatives!

Now that you finished reading that unbearable bullshit on the left, here is the truth about this scumbag!

Obama finished tormenting honest businessmen and moved on to join the thugs in the Chicago political machine, who would help him to complete his training in suppressing the people and stamping out every last vestige of liberty. Sponsored by the machine, Obama ran in 1996 for the Illinois Senate's 13th District and was elected. The dark pall of evil fell upon Chicago's Hyde Park, Chicago Lawn and the South Shore. Obama was was re-elected again in 1998, and in 2002.

In 2000, Obama engaged in a fruity bitch-slap fight with terrorist Bobby Rush for the 1st Congressional District seat. America-hater vs. America-hater, this brash demonic twit lost Obama out to another brash demonic twit. Same difference; the voters of the district would be cheated out of a real voice and instead given a hack who only wants to stomp his constituents down to keep them beholden to his evil party.

In January 2003, The vile stench of leftist evil overtook Illinois, and the demon spawn Obama was made chairman of the Illinois Senate's Health and Human Services Committee! In an effort to viciously beat down his law-abiding constituents, Obama sponsored legislation to hamstring the police by not allowing them to actually stop those most likely to be criminals, and called it "racial profiling." He further tortured our brave law enforcement officers by forcing them to videotape all homicide interrogations, preventing the officers from locking up the murderers.

edit Political Career

edit State Senate

Left-Wing Version Right-Wing Version

Two years after graduating college, our beloved Obama was hired in Chicago as director of the Developing Communities Project (DCP). Our wonderful great and awesome leader helped the community to organize and get help to grow after the evil conservatives had destroyed their neighborhoods in an effort to make them completely poor so that they could be richer. Our Blessed Obama also helped the oppressed minorities of the Gamaliel Foundation, a community organizing institute. Isn't it wonderful how our wonderful leader selflessly gives of himself to help us oppressed folk stick it to the man!

Obama, that lazy slug, took two years off after college, and then could only find a job in Chicago as director of the Developing Communities Project (DCP), helping those who had ruined their communities blackmail and strong-arm honest businesses into giving free handouts. In 1988, Obama then traveled, probably using money that he extorted from honest businessmen with his "community organizing." Obama traveled on a lavish junket to Europe and Kenya, spending his ill-gotten gains in other countries for eight weeks.

edit Personal Life

edit Marriage to Michelle

Left-Wing Version Right-Wing Version

As is duly befitting the greatest and most divinely wonderful genius the world has ever seen, God sent him a smokin' hottie, Michelle, to be his wife.

OK, on this point we partially agree with the leftist moonbats. Michelle may be an unbearably dictatorial evil leftist America-hater, but she is a smokin' hot unbearably dictatorial evil leftist America-hater.

edit Church Affiliation

Left-Wing Version Right-Wing Version

As is duly befitting the greatest and most divinely wonderful genius the world has ever seen, God sent him a smokin' hottie, Michelle, to be his wife.

OK, on this point we partially agree with the leftist moonbats. Michelle may be an unbearably dictatorial evil leftist America-hater, but she is a smokin' hot unbearably dictatorial evil leftist America-hater.

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