User:Faramir, son of Denethor
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“Foo’, yo’ mess wit my home dog, you gunna get b-slapped, foo’!”
“In Soviet Russia, Faramir owns YOU!!”
“I, being a believer in science, rarely venture into the realm of religion. But, ever since I came back to life, I became aware of a certain lyric on these “Radios” of these present day Gondorians, “I once was lost, now, I am found.””
“My precioussssss... ”
“There are many magic strap-ons in this world! Oh, and make sure to suck Faramirs cock!”
“WTF! Your telling me that little moron has given my ring to a HOBBIT?!?”
|Faramir, son of Denethor|
|Date of birth||1\1\1|
|Place of birth||ur mums vagina.|
|Date of death||died and resurrected 8|
|Place of death||n/a|
|Term of office||122–still going|
|Political party||The Super Gondorian Pwnage League of Horse Humpers|
edit Maddening Beginnings
The lesser of two sons in the eyes of his father, Denethor, he grew up under constant peer pressure from his higher brother, Boromir.
Tallish, long haired, bearded, he is every girls favorite sex idol. His hatred for orcs started when he was about 4, when some big mean old orc came up and smashed his toy horse. Pissed off, he stabbed the orc in the belly with a little shank he made himself, killing it eventually from constant stabbing. He then proceeded to make a fire, and cooked the orcs feet. And then, well... he ate them.
He came into service for his country, Gondor, at age ten as a wall sentry. It was later that this armor was given to the salted pork eating, pot smoking hobbit, Pippin.
Growing older, he did the best he could to compete with his brother, Boromir, for the hand of his father. He became a captain, and eventually found out what he really needed to do: hunt the orcs, shoot the orcs, and kill the orcs. So he began his band of merry men archers.
And so, that's how life was for awhile. Live in an awesome cave that no-one could find, shooting anyone that dared to invade his lands. Oh yes... and then his "forbidden pool" that he swims in naked, believing only he can swim in it.
And, I mean, who would want to swim in a pool that a naked GUY was in, meanwhile probably pissing at the same time?
edit Obsession with the "Forbidden Pool."
So, what was the "Forbidden Pool"? Based on modern day archeology, this site (Britian) is thought to be found, and can now be described in detail. Here is an excerpt from the head CEO of the LOTR Addict Archeology Club;
"This so called Forbidden Pool is medium sized pool, connected to a waterfall, inside a hole like depression in the ground.
"It isn't actually water, however, it is actually clear animal piss.
"The cave behind the waterfall had remains of old boxs full of arrows, dildos, porn, everything needed to survive, thus, this is believed to be the same place described in the ancient textbook, The Lord of the Rings.
"This is one of the most amazing finds yet that we have had, and intend to do all we can do to find other LOTR artifacts. LOTR kicks butt. "
edit Encounter with Frodo
Despite Frodo and Sam's complaints, they were dragged to Osgiliath. A raid was goin on during that time, and, eventually, after the morgul showed up to kick his troops a**'s, he gave him some advice, which was "One does not simply rock into Mordor."
edit Quotes From Me
“Stop using my page for your lewd urges!”
“You piece of orc ****, I'm coming to own you!”
“Yo'mama is SOOO fat, that when she jump fo' joy, she get stuck, in the air!”
“Fantasy creatures don't believe in Realists, so Realists don't exist.”
“Quit it with leaving your metal bras all over my lawn!”
“One Half of me wants to strangle you, and the other want's to run you over with a truck.”
“One does not simply walk into mordor.”
“One does not simply Rock into mordor.”
“One does not simply Tank Cat into mordor.”
“One does not simply Tap Dance into mordor.”
“One does not simply Figure Skate into mordor.”
“One does not simply Slip N' Slide into mordor.”
“Pencils were much smaller in my days...”