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The Quadratic Function is the newest, most advanced toilet bowl model by the African Non-Standard Toilet Bowls Incorporated, or ANTB. It has four main functions, hence its name "quadratic."
The Quadratic Function was invented in 2008 by ANTB's chief toilet bowl designing engineer, Professor Pippy Pee-pee Poopypants of Greenland. His inspiration and motivation was his continuous desire to go potty. However, because he pottied too much and was tired of cleaning up all the time both because he ran out of toilet paper and because his anus was sore and injured from all the scrubbing, he decided to invent a toilet bowl that did not require any anus-cleaning at all.