User:Evilgidgit/List of characters in The Simpsons
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This article consists of the character featured in the animated family show called The Simpsons, started in 1989 by a drunk tramp named Matt Groaning. The show was a success around the world for the first ten seasons, but then the 21st Century arrived where all the writing staff were removed by Fox and replaced with a bunch of yobs, hoodies and drug addicts, led by a man named Seth McFarlane.
The show is focused in the tenth circle of Hell called Springfield, where all residents save the black guys and animals suffer from an illness called Yellodramatis Disease in which all humans have yellow skin and three fingers. The main characters were vast, but the show mainly focused on the Simpsons family, a quintet of mutated humans with little empathy or traces of mankind inside them but everyone loves them anyway. The family members are buffoonish donutmania-suffering Homer, his wife Marge who has a large blue tumor coming out of her head, 40-year old midget Bart, half-sunflower Lisa, and serial killer baby Maggie. The family are surrounded by numerous supporting characters, most of whom are just as crazy as the family and occasionally get star billing in episodes when Homer isn't being a moron for our entertainment.
edit The Simpsons Family
- Homer J. Simpson - The 39-year old father of the family and main character. Homer is a living peanut, has a crayon stuck in his head and suffers from donutmania. His hippie mother Glenn Close abandoned him to wage war on Mr. Burns, and his father Abe Simpson has spent his whole life living in a retirement home. He eventually married Marge and had his three spawns called Bart, Lisa and Maggie. Having failed in pretty much every job he's had apart from "Idiot", Homer works in Springfield's nuclear power plant under the watchful eye of former Terminator Mr. Burns. Homer is quite lazy, drinks Duff Beer, and often consults with the crayon in his head. He is currently symbiotically fused with the couch in his house, waiting for Peter Griffin to save his life.
- Marge Simpson - Homer's psychotic 35-year old wife. Marge, formerly Marge Bouvier, once had normal hair and a normal voice until she gained a large blue-coloured tumor on her head and failed in digesting a harmonica after being challenged to by her vicious sisters Patty and Selma. Initially a homemaker, Marge grouchy voice drives most people crazy and one day Marge found the postman's self-removed head inside the mailbox after she talked to him for two seconds. The moralistic members of the family, Marge is often ignored and has to attack her family with either her voice or the vacuum cleaner. Whilst she loves Homer, she has repeatedly tried to kill him to up the ratings in the show. In one episode, Marge spent some time with a French asshole whose voice was as annoying as hers.
- Bart Simpson - The 10-year old troublemaking son, Bart is actually a 40-year old man from Silent Hill named Francis O'Wellon. Pretty much the scum of the universe, Bart is crazy for causing trouble which has had serious consequences on the lives of his family and friends. He is known for vandalising a chalk board at the start of each episode. Other running troubles Bart does includes prank calling Moe Syzlak, and one such incident involved Bart being partially responsible for the death of Jimbo Jones. Bart often uses the term "Eat my shorts" to slag off people, and one day, a tramp ate the shorts right off him. Due to the lack of imagination from the present writing staff, Bart died in Season 25 when run over by a shopping trolly.
- Lisa Simpson - Bart's 8-year old sister. She is actually not Homer's child but was conceived when Marge made out with a sunflower. Lisa is a brainy and over-achieving girl who plays a saxophone, hates meat, and is an eco-terrorist. Lisa lost her virginity to a black guy named Bleeding Gums Murphy, a fellow saxophone player, who ends up dying from a transmitted sexual disease. She has had numerous boyfriends, all to hide her crazed attraction towards her own brother Bart. Lisa deeply loves her little sister Maggie yet also seeks her destruction.
- Maggie Simpson - The youngest child in the family, Maggie is not Homer's child like Lisa but actually the daughter of alien Kang. Maggie's first possession was a pacifier coated in rum, and she has been hooked on it ever since. While young and seemingly helpless, Maggie has the mind of serial killer and wishes to kill Lisa and her arch nemesis, Baby Gerald who sports the unibrow of evil. She once shot Mr. Burn but couldn't be sent to prison because she is a baby.
- Abe Simpson - Homer's elderly father. He claims to be in his eighties but he is actually over three hundred years old. A veteran of too many wars to name, and a member of the secret Fish Society, Abe or Grampa as he's called acts like a rambling senile old idiot but is actually very cunning and devious, planning to some day lead a revolution against all young people with his fellow old people.
- Patty and Selma Bouvier - Marge's elder slag sisters, Patty and Selma are identical in appearance. They smoke cigarettes every hour of the day to see if they can beat cancer, and their grouchy voices stem from the fact they actually eat some of their cigarettes. Originally fused at the hip, the two split when Patty got fed up of Selma trying to make out with her and brought out a chainsaw. To make the characters more interesting, the writers made Patty gay and gave Selma a Chinese adoptive daughter named Ling. Selma has married numerous other characters in the show including Troy McClure, Sideshow Bob and Homer in order to adopt Ling.
- Grandma Mona Simpson - Homer's mother who ditched him and Grampa to become a hippy. Returned to Homer's occasionally under the alias of "Glenn Close". Passed away from little screentime.
- Santa's Little Helper - A dog introduced in the first episode, Santa's Little Helper is Bart's butt monkey and secretly Bart's lover. He had numerous pups which were eaten by Mr. Burns.
- Snowball 1-5 - A series of cat clones who have died in the show and resurrected by an obsessive Lisa.
edit Supporting Cast
- Ned Flanders - The Simpsons friendly neighbourhood neighbour. A friendly Christian, Flanders speaks in his own language which has since been adopted by the people of New Jersey. A firm religious man but always friendly, Flanders is strangely the bane of Homer's existence despite being one of his closest friends. His wife Maude is killed by t-shirt cannon, and Flanders took on a personality similar to Light Yamagi from Death Note, declaring himself the Omega Pope until he was knocked out by Homer and went back to his old self. He has two sons Rod and Todd, a pair of strange incestual twins who speaks like a drugged up Mickey Mouse. Flanders owns a shop called the Leftorium which he burnt down during his Omega Pope moment. In the final episode of the show, Flanders regains his Omega Pope persona and nukes Springfield, dying in the process.
- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon - The stock Indian character. Apu is shopkeeper of the Kwik-E-Mart which appears to be the only supermarket in Springfield. Apu got married to beautiful Manjula and has since had eight kids who he burns alive every time they defy the rules of Ganesha and Vishnu. A close friend to Homer, Apu often gets involved in Homer's affairs. Apu has a symbiotic relationship with the Kwik-E-Mart and often unleashes his sexual fantasies on the store's squishy dispenser. Several of Apu's notable appearances included freezing Jasper to turn the Kwik-E-Mart into the Freak-E-Mart, discovering he was an illegal immigrant, and decided to give Manjula the romantic weekend of her life - he molested her via a parrot, suffocated in a chocolate sculpture of himself, and nearly killed Homer and Elton John in an attempt to blow up a bi-plane.
- Hans Moleman - An indestructible immortal man, King of the Mole People, and uncle to Kenny from South Park. Leads a devastatingly shit and miserable existence, dies on a regular basis, and is younger than he looks. Starts a war against Flanders with his army of mole people, following his battle cry "We came for blood!" Only character to survive the series.
- Barney Gumble - Homer's best friend. An on-and-off alcoholic, Barney is often seen in Moe's Tavern getting wasted or licking the toilets in the men's room. Often gets drunk on air. Gave up drinking and became a helicopter pilot, one of the few plot points to remain in the series beyond one episode.
- Mr. Burns - The resident rich ancient asshole and runs the town's Nuclear Power Plant. Usually a grumpy old jerk with the face like a nightmarish radish, Mr. Burns cannot remember Homer's name despite their countless times together. Has died numerous times in the series, but remains alive due to a deal with the TV producers at Fox. Has an unhealthy obsession with his teddy bear, and was gunned down by Maggie early on in the series yet survived. Eventually passed away in the second to last episode of the series, after being molested by Smithers and jumped from a 1-inch high platform to his death. He died 3257 years old.
- Waylon Smithers - Mr. Burns' aid, best friend and butt monkey. The only gay guy in town, Smithers is disturbingly in love with the prehistoric Mr. Burns. He collects Barbie doll ripoffs as a hobby. Ultimately molests Mr. Burns in the final season but is buried alive alongside his boss as Mr. Burns promised him.
- Comic Book Guy - Resident nerd. Big, fat guy who runs a comic book store. Nuff said.
- Professor Frink - The schizophrenic mad scientist of Springfield, Professor Frink is the son of Mr. Freeze and a turkey. A genius with many inventions including the highly successful hamburger earphones, Professor Frink suffered from a gibberish illness that caused him to scream out random words. In the final season, he went mad and died when his head exploded.