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| Nominated Writer of the Month|
This user has been nominated for Writer of the Month—you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Month.
|This user is fae Bonnie Scotland|
| This user is a total UKer|
...jolly good, wot?!
edit My Articles
edit Offending certain races
edit Offending the sexually repressed
edit Offending people who like humour
edit My life story
It is a temperate spring day in the Summer of 1926 in Glasgow, Bangladesh, in a tenement where all the posh twats live. A cool breeze sifts through from an ajar window into a large bathroom. A young man jerks his head, suddenly and dramatically, up and to the right so that he may see the view out of the window: beautiful Greek Thomson houses on a hill, barely visible as of the luscious, leafy hedge enveloping it 50 metres from the ground, and down below, a peaceful street: one solitary burning black Jaguar sits wedging over the pavement and the road, its flames encroaching upon and setting alight the already impressively tall hedge; the result of a well-planned minor terrorist attack. It is only an everyday scene for his neighbourhood, yet the young man today feels inspired by the devastating drama that is those Greek Thomson houses, and decides to have an epiphany:
|Wouldn't it be brilliant if I spent all my spare time writing annoying, uninformative and unfunny articles for no money?|
edit But What Can I Bring To The Table?
If you haven't realised by now, I don't actually have a sense of humour, which has frequently sidelined me in the past. But whenever I'm beaten down by those meanies, I confide in myself that I have other talents, and say to myself, "Thank God you don't need to know shit about comedy to write for a comedy site." For what I lack in funny-bone tickling, I more than make up for with my natural air of pedantry. I can proofread any article to make sure it is written in proper imperial British English. And because of my extreme bigotry, I often find that my very genuine articles are misconstrued as sarcastic pieces that lampoon a frame of mind that can be a little too close to home.