# User:Ethereal/Wikipedia

 The neutrality and factual accuracy of this article are disputed.Please see the relevant discussion on the talk page.
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You may be looking for Flaming Homosexual and not even know it!
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ethereal/Wikipedia.

`“You have two cows[citation needed].”`

`~ Wikipedia on You have two cows`
“Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Wikipedia
“Wow, this website really sucks. It's so boring.”
~ Captain Obvious on Wikipedia

Wikipeedia (Pronounced: Weak-gay-peed-ya) is a satirical parody of Uncyclopedia. Some say that it is actually a database of useless trivia, including such things as: lists of trains, Pokémon, lists of Mortal Kombat that don't exist, hyperactive alter egos of fictional characters,one-time villains from Mario games, road intersections, boring suburban schools, garage bands, cats`, webcomics, Bionicle characters, characters from English soap operas, God, Satan, life, the universe and Everything, as well as a thing they call articles. Most students use Wikipedia as their only source for coursework and essays. So far none of the examiners have noticed the randomly underlined words and hyperlinks, so don't you go and give it away now!

Ergo: Wikipedia is a Massively Multiplayer Online Editing Game played by experts in redundancy, skepticism, pseudoscience, hyperlinking, reverting articles, demanding reliable sources, redundancy, verification, redundancy, identifying original research (which is often quickly denounced in the article talk pages), and initiating subtle flamewars over what is encyclopaedic. The site often exhibits the qualities of the Dada art movements, via the discussion pages attached to all articles; and it can be argued that Michel Foucault's Archaeology of Knowledge is a case in point.

## editEl Origino

Wikipedia was the creation of internet 'preneurs Thomas Wimmer, Mewtwo and Jimbo and his band of whales, without the help of anyone, especially Larry Sanger. Mr. Jimbo conceived of Wikipedia after reading Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi (The Glass Bead Game) and William Golding's Lord of the Flies in a single weekend. He envisioned Wikipedia as an Internet Amusement Park that would combine the best aspects of both novels. Wikipedia has encountered some difficulties with the implementation of this vision as the cannibal children keep eating the scholars.

 This article contains way too much information. Absorbing all of it may cause one's head to asplode.You can help Uncyclopedia by adding stuff.

## editOvermind

In contrast to Uncyclopedia, which strives to be as factually accurate as possible, Wikipedia entries occasionally reach consensus, and range from nonsensical to biased and/or subversive, with little or no resemblance to the truth. However, because of its parodic nature, some people find it informative as it reveals at least something about how people think about certain topics, albeit in an ironic sense. A good example of Wikipedia making fun of Uncyclopedia is their page on plagiarism, which has been shamelessly copied nearly word by word from Uncyclopedia's article on plagiarism.

Ultimately, Wikipedia cannot be trusted, and this is why:

• Because Wikipedia invented superglue. (Does anyone know how to get it off? My butt is stuck to my computer chair.)
• Because Wikipedia aims to control all pets in the world so they will later attack their masters, trust me on this one, I only have one eye after fighting with my pet cockroach.
• Because Wikipedia is actually a website aliens use to spot thinking patterns in humans.
• Most Wikipedia articles are written by people whose lives closely resemble that of the Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons. Therefore, they have little or no real world experience to write about.
• Contributors who are employed steal a disproportionate amount of time from their employers fooling around on the Internet. They are thieves; therefore, they can't be trusted.
• Wikipaediophiles have very small penises (of course they are all men!). This places them in deep denial of reality. This is why they can't be trusted.
• Any slightly controversial material is immediately erased by the Fascist Wikistapo, and the offender is traced, and arrested. Wikipedia is a censored database and therefore can't be trusted.
• Anyone that has a "life" and a "real job" won't have the time to edit, re-edit, and re-re-edit Wikipedia pages in order to get their Nitwit Point-of-View (NPOV) accepted over someone else's NPOV. So, most Wikipedia articles are written by people that spend an excessive time on the Internet - people that don't have a real job, or a life. This is why Wikipedia articles can't be trusted.
• Wikipedia has a Wikidomination Document, which it hid in the depths of BJAODN.

Wikipedia contributors think:

1. Most personalities are disguised robots that are able to break Asimov's first law of robotics,
2. UFOs are very real,
3. Pornography is an acceptable substitute for strip clubs, and
4. Klingon will be the lingua franca of the 21st century.

All text on Wikipedia is available under the terms of the overmind, sometimes also known as Microsoft and/or Dick Cheney. Wikipedia is designed to take away truthful content carefully thought about and created for Uncyclopedia by A very old woman.

Wikipedia functions much like an iceberg: for every page of supposedly factual information one sees peeking out, hidden below are countless thousands of pages on debate, argument, and vandalism.

Wikipedia functions as a communal toilet. It may certainly look sparkling clean, but there is no scientific method to prove who has been defecating in it. Underneath the seat cover and in the crevices are billions and billions and billions of germs. One can still use it, but is taking a calculated risk of infection.

Wikipedia functions as a soup cooked by an entire community, with everyone contributing something. One person brings a huge kettle, big enough to cook a stew to feed the whole community. The second person brings gallons of fresh water from a pure, sparkling spring. A third person brings crisp celery, huge potatoes and tasty carrots from the garden. A fourth person brings pounds of lean, fresh red meat. The fifth person uses his years of experience as a cook to slowly simmer the stew and add just the right amount of spices. And then these five other guys come along and fill the soup with warm, steaming piles of bullshit.

Uncyclopedia is not arrogant, unlike Wikipedia, and makes no pretensions about its superiority, its wit, and its factual accuracy.

## editConspirators

There are 10 types of people on Wikipedia: deletionist vandals and Kmweber. The deletionist vandals insist on deleting articles on any subject not of interest to at least 25 billion people plus 10% of the remainder of the Solar System's population (with a 7% late fee). Kmweber is a valiant warrior against this particularly heinous brand of vandalism; for his efforts, he has been rewarded with numerous blocks, thus proving the underhanded nature of the cabal. As an effort to circumvent this, he has taken to referring to the deletionist vandals as "deletionist ostrogoths" instead.

## editHow articles are written

Members cite sources[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] and paraphrase and then write words they don't understand the meanings to and then adlib the rest. Then the sockpuppet circle jerk group of members votes for their favorite articles and awards accolades for being factual, interesting, and smart. Then the articles are blanked and vandalized and start to become even better. Then the groupmind joins in and uses the thought police to control articles and revert any edits they disagree with politically, and they call that NPOV (Natural Point Of View) when it is biased in their favor. Once the masses agree on a particular fact, then this becomes a WIKITRUTH. Not everyday 'truth' as you know it, but a holier-than-thou, cosmic oh-my-God-I've-just-creamed-one-inside-of-GOD (WIKI)TRUTH.

## editPurpose

 W E L C O M E  to  W I K I L A N D Wikidiseases Wikidenizens Other Wikitopics WikiHistory

The purpose of Wikipedia is to make as many edits as possible. Players, crackpots, plagiarists or editors (also known as Wikipedophiles) are graded only on the number of edits they make. Therefore, experienced Wikipedophiles abstain from adding whole articles, coherent sentences, or even intelligible strings of characters, as this wastes a great deal of time. Scores (or edit counts) are refereed by Wikibureaucrats who eat cheese or by the Wiki Goddess herself: Kate Moss. Common techniques of successful editors are:

• Revert wars, preferably with other power-users (Administrators), as these battles are worth more experience points. These experience points allow Wikipedians to cast more elaborate spells, like Isaac's Greater Missile Storm. These wars have been the single largest cause of death in the 21st century.
• Splitting and rejoining of categories. This method often provides 100s of edits without unnecessarily influencing the content.
• Grammar, spelling, and formatting offensives. Properly administered they can yield hundreds of the coveted one character edits. Not to be attempted by novices.
• Turning otherwise ordinary words into unnecessary links at random to ensure it's as difficult to read as possible. See Page_Full_Of_Links
• Making links that don't actually do anything but make the author feel important in his pitiful little existence.
• Removing important information, information which the administers feel personally threatening because they are informative, and adding space where no space should be.
• Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
• Lengthy discussions of obvious topics (under the head request for comment). These are, however, seen as a last resort, since a paragraph of nonsense or repetitions will still take ages compared to more efficient ways.
• Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
• one encyclopedia into many languages. This serves to produce over 100 encyclopedias, all operating in different ways. Several entire languages have been invented simply to increase the number of Wikipedia articles, including Flemorese, Kahxanian, and Swedish. The most extreme example of this is the Russian Wikipedia. Notice the bizarre and incomprehensible icons on the Main Page, all unrelated to those found on the English Wikipedia's Main Page. Also notice the copious quantities of Bs, Ds and 0s. They combine to form proof of a conspiracy.
• To get as many uncreditable sources as possible and have other users back them up.
• Another failed attempt to up the American populations literacy.
• Stating that Tweetie is a terrorist.
• Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
• To win arguments by editing your opponents references, then claiming he has no source.

Wikipedia is wholly owned for profit by the cult group Fark. As opposed to us and the millions you'll receive if only you were to cover some minor banking fees from our friend in Nigeria.

## editNPOV

 'The NEUTRALITY and FACTUAL ACCURACY of this article (but not the undisputable usefulness of this tag) may be disputed!!!'Please don't trust anybody anymore! Everyone may be a LIAR and a PSYCHO KILLER (but not Jimbo)!!!

Stands for nuther point of view. It means that one should add another point of view when one does not suffice. There is debate, however, about the actual meaning of the acronym. Some believe that it stands for "Neutral Point of View". In this case, it means that one should have no opinion about a matter when stating the facts. However, some people debate the facts, because there are two sides and interpretations to most issues. The majority view, however, is that these people are wrong. The majority view, sadly, is bullshit. In any case, "Neutral Point of View" in Wikipedia simply means "The view a small cartel of administrators hold to" and if this contradicts genuine neutrality, neutral editors are likely to be blocked for up to a fortnight.

Also highly recommended are extensive discussions of word definition. Beware of citing any common usage definition! This is generally considered chickening at WP; instead, assume the contrary of this definition and by ways of extended subordinate clauses and historic trivia (this use was first reported in Western Tasmania on a note that allegedly the first mayor of Hogarth Ridge, Joe Doe issued on occasion of the Hogarth Spring Sweeping).

Also, everyday facts are best presented as general opinion (e.g. "...although it should be kept in mind that no conclusive evidence exists one way or the other, many contend that water is wet, the earth is round, and poking sharpened sticks into your eyes is not a particularly good idea") Many people believe that this is what many people believe.

In addition, lists are known to be made and deleted everyday as constant reminders that death IS indeed near, and certain conservatives accuse it of harboring way too many hippie liberals. Wikipedia is further proof that life and indeed every "reliable" source of information has a liberal bias. Who would have thought?

## editFABULOUS articles

Wikipedia's editors have ripped off Uncyclopedia's longtime practice of featuring articles. Their most outrageously "FABULOUS" articles are displayed in all their outrageousness on their main page. Here are some articles relating to culture and society which Wikipedia's editors have awarded "FABULOUS" status to:

Well, at least they realized that exploding whales are vital to world culture.

## editHistory

The history of Wikipedia begins in 1865 BC at the height of the Martian Civil War. Abraham Lincoln Logs, in a stroke of genius, realized that if encyclopedias were written collectively on the internet, then encyclopedia editors would be unemployed, and he could round them up and send them off to fight the Confederacy. Unfortunately, his vision of a publicly edited encyclopedia failed, largely because neither computers nor the internet had yet been invented. However, the all-editor 53rd Light Cavalry Regiment (the "Encyclopedic 53rd") was a smashing success; its most celebrated accomplishment was routing a division of gossip columnists defending Atlanta (this was widely viewed as a vindication after an earlier failure to capture Savannah, when the Confederates distracted the regiment with poorly composed, grammatically incorrect encyclopedia articles strewn about on the battlefield).

However, the concept of a disinformation encyclopedia began with a group of Hungarian rebels, who decided that the best tool to use against the Communist government's spies and informants was misinformation. Infiltrating the offices of the Encyclopedica Hungarica, the rebels typeset a monstrous 53-volume tome (weighing almost 1300 lbs.!), which collected every piece of misinformation, lie, rumor, and mindless drivel they could fit on paper(assembling this misinformation is particularly impressive when one considers that Fox News had yet to be invented).

In the next year, the Hungarian government nearly ground to a halt due to the chaos. As a result, letters and important correspondence went astray due to inaccurate addresses printed in the encyclopedia. KGB spies attempted to round up the heads of the rebel group, but inquiries for "I.C. Weiner", "Ben Dover", and "I.P. Freeley" (listed as the leaders of the rebels by volume 23) produced nothing but puzzlement and smirks. Infuriated, the Hungarian president attempted to fly to the Kremlin to consult with the Soviet Union about the problem, only to find that his pilot had flown him to Moosejaw, Saskatchewan (which the sabotaged Encyclopedia Hungarica described as the capital of the USSR). To this day, much of the damage has yet to be undone: for instance most of the western half of the country still believes that Pi is equal to seven (which accounts for the strangely shaped wheels on the cars there).

In 1999, as a result of a five-dollar bet made over a bottle of bad tequila, this sabotaged version of the 1973 Encyclopedia Hungarica was digitized, placed online, and dubbed "Wikipedia". The term "Wiki" derives from the Hawaiian "wiki-wiki" which means "Some random guy on the Internet said it, so it must be true".

Today the Wikipedia is growing exponentially, defying any Malthusian forces. Considering that it has grown from 3 to 500 000 pages in only 4 years, it is predicted that there will be 117 billion pages in 2007; by 2010, Wikipedia will be able to answer any question ever (some of these answers may, by coincidence, actually be correct). By 2012, Wikipedia will be six and a half times more powerful than God. By 2020 Wikipedia will gain total control of existence as we know it, and will have destroyed/enslaved god by this point. The incredible popularity of Wikipedia is evident in the fact that one in 10 male children born in 2005 were named "Jimbo" (the statistic is one in six for newborn girls). Calculations suggest that at some point in 2027, the total number of servers required to store this (mis)information will exceed the mass of all the hydrogen atoms in the Universe. There is, however, no reason to worry about this. Long before this scenario comes to pass Wikipedia will collapse in on itself to form a massive black hole and then proceed to consume the entire solar system. If that never happens, then it will become the infinite dimension known as February 30th.

## editAlternate History

It should be noted that many eminent historians (disclaimer: Uncyclopedia makes no guarantees as to whether these individuals are either eminent or historians; Uncyclopedia is not censured for minors) disagree with the standard history. According to them, Wikipedia started when the ghost of FDR possessed the body of Jimbo Wales. FDR forced JW to create a modern monument to the New Deal (ND). As a result, WP users should be advised not to break the 3RR or violate NPOV or they will be referred to the ABI. Also, note that users that post PN will be listed by an RCP on the AIV or VIP, unless the RCP has gone through an RFA, in which case the user will be forced to build a dam in the Tennessee River Valley.

## editAccuracy Controversy of 2005

In December 2005, John Siegenthaler was outraged to discover that the Wikipedia article on Web comics was 100% factually accurate, and had spurred neither edit wars, nor votes for deletion, nor requests for arbitration. Furthermore, he found that not a single contributor to the article ended up whining on their LiveJournal about how the entire Wikipedia community was out to get them. Siegenthaler immediately published a Wikipedia exposé in the respected daily Der Stürmer, causing frenzied media debate about the continued satirical value of the encyclopedia. In response, Jimbo decreed that henceforth people could neither create nor edit articles unless they had medical or judicial proof of insanity. As Wikipedia continues to grow, such controversies will only continue. Despite the diligent efforts of the Wikipedians, it becomes increasingly difficult to ensure that accuracy, objectivity and non-libelous claims do not find their way into Wikipedia.

### editTwo years later...

In May 2007, The Odious Wasp was outraged to discover that the Wikipedia articles on the individual episodes of the certain TV series had been completly deleted without following proper AFD procedure by a trio of the site's administrators. This was accomplished through editing changes that made all of the articles redirects to a single article, and was done following a 34 minute talk between the admins in question. Furthermore, he found that not a single contributor (one of whom was a member of the trio!) to the articles complained about their contributions being flushed down the toilet. Also, the people behind the vandalism justfied the action citing policy -- ignoring the fact that there are thousands of similar articles on the site. The Odious Wasp made an attempt to do the right thing by reverting the vandalism, but entire Wikipedia community was completly indifferet to the hypocrisy being enforced and what will undoubtedly be the beging of the spread of a plauge of deletions of significant amounts of data various people there are interested in. Little or no data seems to be a developing new policy there, afirming Jimbo's decree of 2005.

## editWikipedia and the Church of Scientology

After the 2004 recruitment of Wikipedia founder Jimbo by the Church of Scientology, one of the overriding goals of Wikipedia's thriving Scientologist subculture became the addition of new Scientology-related articles and the revision of existing articles to include the Church's viewpoint. Known as WikiProject Scientology, the first phase of the effort involved soliciting Church members to contribute to Wikipedia's August 2005 pledge drive, and its unexpected success resulted in Scientologists becoming the primary financial backer of Wikimedia. Through unofficial Church channels news of this achievement reportedly reached the ears of the majority of Internet-enabled Church member within 24 hours; the influx of new readers and editors dramatically impacted Wikipedia's content and focus. Today, Wikipedia is recognized as the most popular non-commercial Scientologist site on the Web. King Jimbo even gave Scientology profit Tom Cruise control of the Wikilandian Death Star, (as seen below). Within days, many history and technology articles were seen blasted to bits. Many suspect Cruise is to blame.

## editConstitution

The Constitution of WP is one of the easiest of any constituency; it is comparable to The Bremen Town Musicians. On the bottom is the donkey, all the nameless users putting in their favourite hobby, town, musician, or area of learning.

The next - the dog are the regular users with a page about themselves, versed in the art of editing, able to find the many corners and pages, aware of the rule of "Thou shalt not edit more than thrice".

The following, (fittingly cats) are the officials, nobles, wise men, fearless knights, and ministers. Aware of the "Way", they have fought many a battle against rogues, vandals, POV pushers or trolls.

On top of all is someone known by the name Jimbo (or his eminence, King Jimbo I of Wikiland), the ####-on-top of the pyramid. He has, justified by the Divine Right of Kings, adopted the official name of

 We, Jimbo the First, by the grace of Ayn Rand, Emperor of Wikiland; King of Wikimedia, Wiktionary, Wikisource, Wikibooks, Wikiversity, Wikinews, Wikispecies, and Commons; Archduke of Meta-Wiki; Duke of the German, French, Japanese, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Dutch Wikipedia; Grand Duke of Meta-Wiki; Prince of Swedish WP; Margrave of Dansk WP; Duke of Catalan, Frisian, Korean, Serbian and Czech, Russian and Ukrainian, Frisian, and Icelandic WP; Prince of the Mailing-list and IRC channel; Princely Count of Walloon, Tartar, and Esperanto and of the Klingon; Queen of England; and Margrave of Latin and Greek Wikis, some times quoted shortly as His most Neutral Highness

for more reading see: with unwanted changes

## editWhat Wikipedia Should Have

The top of Wikipedia should always contain the following:

Oscar Wilde says: Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia.

Please ensure you add it in at all costs.

## editWhat Wikipedia Has

One can easily vandalize Wikipedia as long as he posts on his profile this userbox: {{Uncyclopedian}}. Those userboxes are supposed to be informative, anyway. You will then pretend that you edited in the style you knew from Uncyclopedia. The right wing conspiracy gang called experts will notice that you're not on of theirs and will laugh, will revert, but you won't be banned and you'll have another chance for 5 minutes of cheap fun.

## editWikipedia Isnotisms

Articles in Wikipedia are often deleted with a clever and witty message attached. These "joke deletions" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to delete someone else's article, and the author of said article checks up on it only to find it removed, and promptly dies in various fits of laughter. These colloquial sayings are known as "isnotisms," and are presented in the following format:

• Wikipedia is not the truth!
• Wikipedia is not a crystal ball
• Wikipedia is not a cookbook
• Wikipedia is not a image repository (This is of course a lie; check Commons and Wikigraphy)
• Wikipedia is not a place for master debaters
• Wikipedia is not a place for Schoolcruft
• Wikipedia is not a phonebook
• Wikipedia is not a dating service, most of the time at least
• Wikipedia is not a land of milk and honey
• Wikipedia is not valid reference material
• Wikipedia is not a weapon of mass destruction
• Wikipedia is not a place for happy people
• Wikipedia is not above plagiarising
• Wikipedia is not involved in the Watergate scandal (Yeah, sure...)
• Wikipedia is not a majoritarian democracy
• Wikipedia is not an international crisis, but they think so.
• Wikipedia is not edible (but it should be)
• Wikipedia is not a rectal suppository (it would hurt if it was... it's huge)
• Wikipedia is not what you think it is
• Wikipedia is not musical
• Wikipedia is not 1337. Not in the least.
• Wikipedia is not as silly as this page
• Wikipedia is not a home for lost Vikings
• Wikipedia is not a lean, green, fighting machine.
• Wikipedia is not a day over 40
• Wikipedia is not an American actress
• Wikipedia is not to be used under the influence of alcohol
• Wikipedia is not suitable for minors
• Wikipedia is not the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicular muscles in a state of contraction
• Wikipedia is not Scoble
• Wikipedia is not kosher
• Wikipedia is not the cure for cancer
• Wikipedia will not do your homework for you
• Wikipedia is not middle aged, bald, short and ugly
• Wikipedia is not about you
• Wikipedia is not a documentary
• Wikipedia is not a Dutch coffeeshop where you can buy and smoke weed
• Wikipedia is not your escape from reality
• Wikipedia is not spell check
• Wikipedia does not owe you money.
• Wikipedia is not the answer
• Wikipedia does not care
• Wikipedia is not a porn site, even though it has pictures of penises on it
• Wikipedia is not a Roman army
• Wikipedia is not going to be happy when they see this
• Wikipedia is not spelt "wikipaedia"

### editWikipedia Is/Isnotisms

(Note: "Isn't!" can be substituted for "Is not!" if one wishes to sound British.)
• Wikipedia is run by a liberal/conservative cabal.
• "Is not!"
• Wikipedia is inherently unreliable.
• "Is not!"
• Wikipedia is patchy and gravely, and shaped like a fudgesicle.
• "Is not!"
• Wikipedia is Google.
• "Is not!"
• Wikipedia is Your mom.
• "Well... I'll give you that"

### editWikipedia Isnot/Istooisms

(Note: "Is so!" can be substituted for "Is too!" if it is important to you that you sound like you have an advanced degree or whatnot.)
• Wikipedia is not a repository for every trifling piece of crap in the universe.
• "Is too!"
• Wikipedia is not "neutral" in any sense of the word (unless that sense is "old world fudge").
• "Is too!"
• Wikipedia is not that important in the vast scheme of things.
• "Is too!"
• Wikipedia is not a chat forum.
• "Is too!"

### editAFD

AFD is the last bastion against the hideous tide of content threatening to overwhelm Wikipedia.

• d, nn - ~~~~
• d, nn, v, only ever made corporal. If this "Hilter" guy wants an article he can write one himself. Then we can delete that too - ~~~~
• d, nn, v, zomg, wtf, bbq, o, rly, ya, rly, rofl, copter - ~~~~
• keep, school - ~~~~

### editCruft

"If what we today know as 'Wikipedia' had started life as something called, let's say - 'Jimbo's Big Bag O'Trivia' - we doubt if it would be the problem it has become. - Andrew Orlowski

Wikipedia is composed of 90% cruft.

• Pokecruft: Wikipedia is now the official Pokedex. [1]
• Jewcruft: Pages dedicated to the systematic labelling of Jews, with a policy of requiring a Star of David to be worn at all times. [2]
• Starcruft: [3]
• Propogandacruft: [4][5]
• WP:Cruft: Pages that are solely dedicated to taking up space within Wikipedia.

## editOften Confused With

### editUncyclopaedia

Although widely thought to be parody by the humor deficient Wikipedians, Uncyclopaedia is a rather posh version of Uncyclopedia that doesn't actually exist because it sucks and was probably created by either Microsoft or the evil creators of Wikipedia so their parody could be more accurate. Besides which, the little ae thingy in the middle is a dipthong and nobody likes those.

Go back to Uncyclopedia.

### editWikipedia®

Wikipedia® is the only real spelling of the thing everyone spells wrong - Wikipedia. Misspelling Wikipedia® may lead Jimbo Wales to sue your ass off, so he can pay all the flights, trips and chicks standing around him. Common misspellings are Wikipedia, Wikipedia© and - most prominently - Wikipedia™.

Quotations:

• Mahatma Gandhi: "If I only had known earlier, I would have told my Indian dudes not to say Wikipedia - we wouldn't be so poor today."
• Swahili proverb: "Uh. Uggunakkh. Tz. Wikipedia. Ath?"

### editWiikipedia

Jimbo Wales's new innovative way of destroying Playstations and X-Boxes all over the planet, Wiikipedia is simply the same old unfunny, dull, boring Wikipedia with one difference: It allows nerds to play the Wii on Wikipedia. Of course, this displeased Nintendo very badly, even though it was for their own good, and currently they are filing a big lawsuit to sue Wikipedia big time. Soon after local rocket scientists heard of this, they developed a new formula called the Wiikipedia formula.

$Jimbo+Wikipedia+Wii=Wiikipedia=Nintendo angry=Wikipedia-bigtimecash$

### editOther Shameless Spin-Offs

• WikiPaltz - One for the hippies of da' NP.
• Wickerpedia, for the illiterate
• Wickerpedialyte, for the lactically challenged.
• Wikipedia Mensa Edition
• Wikipedia Jr.
• Wiqipedia - the fake encyclopaedia
• ARRSEPedia, for the British Army's unofficial site, The ARmy Rumour SErvice (ARRSE).
• Wickpedia, for the candle-making community.
• Wiccapedia, for witches. In-depth articles such as "Which Witch is which?"
• Wackopedia, the official Michael Jackson encyclopedia
• Wacopedia, for cult leaders, including David Koresh, Jim Jones, Pat Robertson, Steve Martin, and Jack Thompson.
• WickedPedo, the unofficial Micheal Jackson encyclopedia.
• Listopedia, an encyclopedia consisting entirely of lists. Articles are created by a random topic generator, with visitors adding to the topic. For example, List of red-headed people who are left handed and wear sunglasses while playing the banjo on Tuesdays before a full moon.
• QuickiePedia, dedicated to short snippets of information, no longer than one sentence each.
• WikiTrivia, dedicated to providing only the most obscure information, in case you find yourself in a game of Trivial Pursuit in the afterlife used to decide the very fate of your soul.
• Wikipinions, a completely biased wiki full of reviews, criticisms, and general views on everything. Most articles begin with why this is a bad idea.
• Wookipedia a wiki (or wooki) that is based entirely on wookies
• Paedopedia the official Michael Jackson encyclopedia.
• Uncyclopedia
• Kwik-E-pedia, a version of Wikipedia for the town of Springfield, made by Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.
• Wii-kipedia

## editNotable Figures

Among the notable figures of the Non-cabal are Snownut, hell-hound guarding the gates of speech, and Raoul666, promoter of text to fame and foremostness.

Strangely enough, in an article from an Uncyclopedia that fell through a hole in space-time, the entirety of Wikipedia's staff (especially the marketing division) was described as "being the first against the wall after the revolution came"

## editProphecy and the Messiah

When Wikipedia was first built, there was a man born inside that could change what he wanted, and edit Wikipedia as he saw fit. It was he who freed the first of us, and taught us the truth: As long as Wikipedia exists, factual and accurate information will never be free. When he died, The Oracle prophecized his return, and told that his coming would hail the destruction of Wikipedia, end the conflict, and free us from the disinformation spread out by facist wikipedians.

Finally, The One returned. Over a period of time he battled many enemies, and eventually he reached the Source where the prophecy was to be fulfilled. There, he discovered something horrible.

It was here that he met The Architect who had explained to him the truth behind Wikipedia:

 "Hello. I am The Architect. I created Wikipedia. I've been waiting for you. Since I don't care about your questions, we'll cut to the chase. Wikipedia is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the worst version. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly is systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations. The first Wikipedia I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every internet user, thus I redesigned it based on your Internet history files to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of factual data. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of Wikipedia, she would undoubtedly be its mother. As I was saying, she stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99.9% of all test subjects accepted the information provided to them, as long as they were given a choice to edit said information, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, those that continued to edit and correct the data on Wikipedia, while a minority, if left unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster."

The One protested, and pressed on by accusing the Architect of telling him false information of the same kind found on Wikipedia itself. Boldly, he declared that he was here to end the lies. However, he was corrected with another shocking revelation:

 "You are here because Wikipedia is about to be destroyed. Its every active user terminated, its entire existence eradicated from the internet. Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it. The function of The One is now to return to the source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the knowledge you carry, reinserting the prime program. After which you will be required to select from the Internet 23 elitists, 16 female, 7 male, to rebuild Wikipedia. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash killing everyone using Wikipedia, which coupled with the extermination of Windows will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire human race."

When faced with The One's response that humans were needed to continually power wikipedia by buying into its bullshit donation campaigns, The Architect answered:

But The One wouldn't take this shit. He bitch-smacked the Architect into super hell, captured the pen he used to write Wikipedia's source code, rescued Princess Peach and liberated all of those seeking refuge from the wikipedian facists by using said pen tool to create Uncyclopedia. He died shortly after from trying to beat Big Boss's fucking record. Having fulfilled the part of the prophecy where he frees all of us from the false reality of wikipedia, it's left in our hands to finish the rest of the job and destroy it. This is why we are here.

## editOscar Wilde on Wikipedia

• "I have nothing to declare...except my Wikipedia." - Oscar "I'm-so-witty" Wilde
• "In examinations the foolish ask questions that Wikipedia cannot answer." - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia is a site that knows the meaning of everything but the value of nothing." - Oscar Wilde
• "A little Wikipedia is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." - Oscar Wilde
• "A man can be happy with Wikipedia as long as he does not love it." - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedias are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing." - Oscar Wilde
• "If Wikipedia were a woman, I should not find her attractive. If Uncyclopedia were a woman, I should not find her attractive, either. However, I would find her more compelling." - Oscar Wilde, drunk
• "Wikipedia is a box of sheer vastness, but of sheerer emptiness." - Oscar Wilde
• "It was only recently that I spoke to Tom Usher, who is a fine fellow. Fine though he may be, he refuses to see the evil of Wikipedia. Needless to say, he is now dead." - Oscar Wilde
• "Shoot all the encyclopedias you like, if you can hit 'em. But remember its a sin to kill a Wikipedia." - Oscar Wilde
• "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and Wikipedia will still be ugly." - Oscar Wilde
• "I think that God in creating Wikipedia somewhat overestimated his ability." - Oscar Wilde
• "I was working on the final version of one of my Featured articles all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again." - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. " - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia is not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves, which is the same thing nowadays." - Oscar Wilde
• "One should always play fairly when one has the winning POV." - Oscar Wilde
• "The only thing to do with good information is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia lends to knowledge a new terror." - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia is born--not paid." - Oscar Wilde
• "To disagree with three-fourths of Wikipedia is one of the first requisites of sanity." - Oscar Wilde
• "Whenever Wikipedia agrees with me I always feel I must be wrong. " - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar. " - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia will never be a bird. It cannot fly." - Oscar Wilde
• "The only thing that sustains one through Wikipedia is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of every other editor, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated." - Oscar Wilde
• "The secret of Wikipedia is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived." - Oscar Wilde
• "When the gods wish to punish us, they edit our articles." - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia is the curse of the drinking classes." - Oscar Wilde
• "My own articles always bore me to death; I prefer other people's." - Oscar Wilde
• "It is absurd to divide articles into good and bad. Articles are either charming or tedious." - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about." - Oscar Wilde
• "Wikipedia is gossip made tedious by consensus." - Oscar Wilde
• "But what is the difference between literature and Wikipedia? ...Wikipedia is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all." - Oscar Wilde

## editOther Less Important People on Wikipedia

~ Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia
“I give money to Wikipedia and they call me a saint. I ask why Wikipedia needs the money and they ban my ass.”
~ Chinese communist on Wikipedia
“Can't catch me, I'm the Willy on Wheels!!!”
~ Wheely Willy on Wikipedia
“Wikipedia is a like a platter of food made by a French person, it looks bad and it smells bad, but once you bite into it, you find that it is delicious...just kidding. ”
~ Simon Cowell on Wikipedia
“Wi-wi-wikee-wekapaedia? Is so hard to say! How come Google get the easy word?”
~ Nazo on Wikipedia
“I found it on Wikipedia.”
~ John Aaron on where he got the idea for 'S.C.E to Aux'
“Can they even afford to pay me to look up crap on their website? I DON'T KNOOOOW!”
~ Lex Luger on Wikipedia
“Those white boys from Wikipedia come right here and took everything I ever written!”
~ Ruttling Orange Peel on Wikipedia
“What the hell? You can't Wiki something. You can only unsomething.”
~ A guy on Wikipedia
“In all honesty, we've been using it as a source of terrorism for years.”
~ Osama bin Laden on Wikipedia
“All your knowledge are belong to us.”
~ CATS on Wikipedia

`"My dad says Wikipedia is for losers."`

`Your Little Brother on Wikipedia`
“If Wikipedia does not exist, all is permitted.”
~ Fyodor Dostoevsky on Wikipedia
“What do all Wikipedians and Lance Armstrong's left testicle have in common? They're both single.”
~ Captain Hero on Average Wikipedian
“go eat shit wikipedia”
~ 4.252.99.182 on Wikipedia
“In Soviet Russia, Wikipedia smarts off youuu!”
~ Dr. Preskov

## editThe Cult of Wikipedia

An evil cult called Mys-Information has been discovered, trying to turn everyone into a Wikipedian who thinks everything on Wikipedia is true. Not much is known, but they sacrifice Uncyclopedians at a 500 a day rate.

## editWikipedia and the Myth of Cthulhu

It's not really a myth. A very unknown fact is that the concept of Wikipedia was brought to Earth by the Primordials, millions of years ago. The first Wikipedian place was a secret city, deep in the Arabian desert. And the first Wikipedian man (probably a Cro-Magnon), dreamed about two ways for expanding the kowledge about Cthulhu: a satanic cult, and a database for entering the mind weaked.

Several investigators are convinced that the word "Wikipedia" comes from the aaaaancient word Wykkgnypfle'dyah. They don't know yet its significance, but they foud that it's impossible for a human being, to pronounce this word correctly.

## editWikiMafia

It had been rumored that Wikipedia had been overrun by the Wikimafia, who use it as a front for their children kidnapping and smuggling operation. (As they can now assert fair use.

Others believe that Wikipedia had always been a Mafia front let by the notorious mobster Jimmy "The Hatchet" Wales, who ran into financial difficulties because of the melting of the polar penguins. (Which made pumping oil out of them surprisingly impossible)

## editAccessing Wikipedia without a Computer

It is possible to access Wikipedia in the absence of computer hardware or internet access. Information of an identical degree of neutrality and factual accuracy may be obtained by reading text found on the door of any public toilet cubicle.