# User:EpicWinner/Wikipedia

These so-called experts at Wikipedia have a fuckin' article about THEMSELVES. Talk about objectivity! Vain fuckers.
The faux patriot snake handlers at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about EpicWinner/Wikipedia.
 W E L C O M E  to  W I K I L A N D Wikidiseases Wikidenizens Other Wikitopics WikiHistory

Lies, damned lies, and Wikipedia articles.

Wikipedia ("the "'free' encyclopedia") is a website that parodies Uncyclopedia. It was founded in 2001, when it began its noble goal of spreading the world's misinformation in the most inconspicuous way possible. For this reason, academic experts strongly urge students not to cite Wikipedia.[1] Originally written exclusively in Klingon, the project currently spans all the known languages of history.[2] The English version has over twelve million pages, most of them capitalization redirects.

Only one vehicle for article humor is employed at Wikipedia: actual information.[citation needed] However, much of the behind-the-scenes aspects of Uncyclopedia are also parodied, from the abundance of maintenance templates to the system for rating articles. Like Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia has guidelines regarding what is and is not acceptable content, and these guidelines have become exceedingly long and complex as a parody of Uncyclopedia's comparatively simple rules. The site has gained media attention due to its articles on places, people, and painfully obscure pop culture.

Wikipedia's name is a portmanteau of the words wiki (a technology for stealing content from other websites, from the Hawaiian word wiki, meaning 'thief') and pedia meaning 'children'; literally stealing content for perverting children's brains.[3] Its logo is a spherical magical puzzle globe, named Merlin after the loyal wizard of King Arthur's court, which serves as a spoof of Uncyclopedia's hollow potato logo.

## editContent and nature

Yes, Wikipedia is quite content with itself. Thanks for asking! Not really a surprise, since it is the largest of all Wikimedia-operated wikis. It also has the most active users of any wiki since its very beginning, with currently over 200,000 more users than Uncyclopedia. Though most of them are bots, trolls or people with an agenda to push and the CIA.

### editArticles

Wikipedia currently contains three billion articles; 90% of them are either vanity, vandalism, capitalization redirects, conspiracy theories, cabal propaganda, lists of profanities in different languages, video games, video game sequels, video game tips and walkthroughs, or a combination of two or more. 9% are random facts about Tamil People, and the other 1% are cited lies, or wikifacts as they are officially known to Wikipedians.

In contrast to Uncyclopedia, which strives to be as factually accurate as possible, Wikipedia is designed to take away truthful content carefully thought about and created for Uncyclopedia by a very old woman. The site's entries occasionally reach consensus, and range from nonsensical to biased and/or subversive, with little or no resemblance to the truth. However, because of its parodic nature, some people find it informative as it reveals at least something about how people think about certain topics, albeit in an ironic sense. A good example of Wikipedia making fun of Uncyclopedia is their page on plagiarism, which has been shamelessly copied nearly word by word from Uncyclopedia's article on plagiarism.

Normal article layout is very similar to that found on Uncyclopedia with images aligned mostly to the right. Wikipedia maintains a strict minimum requirement for images in their articles. If an editor is unable to find enough appropriate images he is required to create enough to fill the quota or his article will be deleted.

All text on Wikipedia is available under the terms of the Overmind, sometimes also known as Microsoft and/or Dick Cheney.

### editReliability

Wikipedia has been known to be very reliable, with random facts about sex, cities and sexual orientations strewn about everywhere.[citation needed] And of course, people who copy-paste from Wikipedia's articles always get full marks for their assignments.

According to John Seigenthaler Sr., an advocate for Wikipedia, Wikipedia "is great. I read the article about me, and it correctly stated that I was involved in the Kennedy Assassination, before I even told anyone. I love you, Wikipedia!"

In the summer of 2007 Wikipedia was criticized for accurately displaying the location and planned movements of all US troops stationed in Iraq in their article on asparagus. Though conservative journalists such as Geraldo Rivera and Joan Rivers repeatedly edited this information out, Wikipedia editors quickly replaced it with even more detailed reports. This led to the first "revert war" in recorded history. Many online nicknames fell in the conflict, and it was finally the Supreme Court who stepped in and settled it stating "The reliability of the Wikipedia is paramount. Wikipedia is the United States' best source of information and we can't let fear hamper our quest for knowledge".[4] The asparagus article was then summarily deleted and a small goat was sacrificed to the cabal.

In cases where reality would seem to conflict with any given Wikipedia article, reality must be altered to ensure consistency. One such conflict led to the Bill of Rights being rewritten to exclude the Irish.[5] While Wikipedia claims their images to be 100% factual, the pictures are in fact photoshopped with the purpose of altering the way people view reality.

It is also a well known, but grave fact that Wikipedia has a well known liberal bias. Other biases include the tendancy of individuals to write only about topics for which they have a strong emotional attachment or personal interest.

### editNPOV

Stands for nuther point of view. It means that one should add another point of view when one does not suffice. There is debate, however, about the actual meaning of the acronym. Some believe that it stands for "Neutral Point of View". In this case, it means that one should have no opinion about a matter when stating the facts. However, some people debate the facts, because there are two sides and interpretations to most issues. In any case, "Neutral Point of View" in Wikipedia simply means "The view a small cartel of administrators hold to" and if this contradicts genuine neutrality, neutral editors are likely to be blocked for up to a fortnight.

Also highly recommended are extensive discussions of word definition. Beware of citing any common usage definition! This is generally considered chickening at WP; instead, assume the contrary of this definition and by ways of extended subordinate clauses and historic trivia (this use was first reported in Western Tasmania on a note that allegedly the first mayor of Hogarth Ridge, Joe Doe issued on occasion of the Hogarth Spring Sweeping).

Also, everyday facts are best presented as general opinion (e.g. "...although it should be kept in mind that no conclusive evidence exists one way or the other, many contend that water is wet, the earth is round, and poking sharpened sticks into your eyes is not a particularly good idea") Many people believe that this is what many people believe.

In addition, lists are known to be made and deleted everyday as constant reminders that death IS indeed near, and certain conservatives accuse it of harboring way too many hippie liberals. Wikipedia is further proof that life and indeed every "reliable" source of information has a liberal bias. Who would have thought?

### editReview Process

Wikipedia's success in producing accurate and informative articles is largely due to its review process. Although the wiki concept encourages everyone to offer contributions, it's understood that very few people are as clever as the editors. All Wikipedia editors ask themselves the following questions when deciding whether or not to revert the edits:

• Was it written by a friend of mine?
• Did they link to an article I previously wrote?
• Am I in a good mood?
• If not, is it a means of winding up someone?

If unable to answer positively to all of these questions, edits must be reverted, with smug comments posted on the talk page of the offending user. Also, if an editor dislikes another editor and the editor that is disliked edits a page and the editor that dislikes the person that edits the page, then the person's edits will be reverted even if the edits are good edits.

### editPurpose

The purpose of Wikipedia is to ultimately devalue all enjoyable concepts and make as many edits as possible. Players, crackpots, plagiarists or editors are graded only on the number of edits they make. Therefore, experienced Wikipedophiles abstain from adding whole articles, coherent sentences, or even intelligible strings of characters, as this wastes a great deal of time. Scores (or edit counts) are refereed by Wikibureaucrats who eat cheese or by the Wiki Goddess herself: Kate Moss. Common techniques of successful editors are:

• Revert wars, preferably with other power-users (Administrators), as these battles are worth more experience points. These experience points allow Wikipedians to cast more elaborate spells, like Isaac's Greater Missile Storm. These wars have been the single largest cause of death in the 21st century.
• Splitting and rejoining of categories. This method often provides 100s of edits without unnecessarily influencing the content.
• Grammar, spelling, and formatting offensives. Properly administered they can yield hundreds of the coveted one character edits. Not to be attempted by novices.
• Turning otherwise ordinary words into unnecessary links at random to ensure it's as difficult to read as possible. (See Page Full Of Links)
• Making links that don't actually do anything but make the author feel important in his pitiful little existence.
• Removing important information, information which the administers feel personally threatening because they are informative, and adding space where no space should be.
• Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
• Lengthy discussions of obvious topics (under the head request for comment). These are, however, seen as a last resort, since a paragraph of nonsense or repetitions will still take ages compared to more efficient ways.
• Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
• Translation of one encyclopedia into many languages. This serves to produce over 100 encyclopedias, all operating in different ways. Several entire languages have been invented simply to increase the number of Wikipedia articles, including Flemorese, Kahxanian, and Swedish. The most extreme example of this is the Russian Wikipedia. Notice the bizarre and incomprehensible icons on the Main Page, all unrelated to those found on the English Wikipedia's Main Page. Also notice the copious quantities of Bs, Ds and 0s. They combine to form proof of a conspiracy.
• To get as many uncreditable sources as possible and have other users back them up.
• Another failed attempt to up the American populations literacy.
• Stating that Tweetie is a terrorist.
• Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
• To win arguments by editing your opponent's references, then claiming he has no source.

Wikipedia is ran by a notorious council of virgins known to lesser Wikipedians as "The Administrators." These creatures exist solely to eliminate the fun and enjoyment had by anyone who seeks to destroy Wikipedia by adding humorous content. The virgins consider this 'vandalism' and therefore punish these innocent users by preventing them from editing pages. However, in more serious cases, the Administrators send armed Digimon mercenaries to brutally murder the user and their family with teaspoons.[6] It is said that The Administrators occupy a small yet comfortable conference room at the Jedi Temple on the planet Coruscant. This, according to reliable Wikipedia sources, is where plans are made to further kill humor and increase and prolong human virginity, as The Administrators are banned from ever having sexual intercourse, not that they'll ever get any anyway, and so want everyone to follow their lead.

Becoming a Wikipedia Administrator is apparently not easy. There are numerous criteria which have to be met before the initial selection, some of which include: being a virgin (obviously), being at least 37 years old and still living in your mom's basement, owning every video game console ever made, not knowing what a clitoris is, weighing less than 140lbs or more than 350lbs, wearing wire-framed circular glasses and being only able to read something that's on a screen or 2 feet away from you, having a level 100 World of Warcraft account or a level 100 account on any similar shit online game, only emerging for fresh air once a day,never having a shower, wearing the same clothes for 35 weeks or more per year, never touching a deodorant can, sleeping on a bed with a Star Trek duvet and matching pillowcase and having unresolved daddy issues. Once all of these criteria and many more are met, the Administrator candidates are then tested to see whether they can complete the whole of Pokémon Red on Gameboy Color in under 5 seconds. Only after this are they allowed to sit on the gloriously-soiled Chairs of Eternal Virginity.

### editIsnotisms

Articles in Wikipedia are often deleted with a clever and witty message attached. These "joke deletions" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to delete someone else's article, and the author of said article checks up on it only to find it removed, and promptly dies in various fits of laughter. These colloquial sayings are known as "isnotisms."

### editConstitution

The Constitution of WP is one of the easiest of any constituency; it is comparable to The Bremen Town Musicians. On the bottom is the donkey, all the nameless users putting in their favourite hobby, town, musician, or area of learning.

The next - the dog are the regular users with a page about themselves, versed in the art of editing, able to find the many corners and pages, aware of the rule of "Thou shalt not edit more than thrice".

The following, (fittingly cats) are the officials, nobles, wise men, fearless knights, and ministers. Aware of the "Way", they have fought many a battle against rogues, vandals, POV pushers or trolls.

On top of all is someone known by the name Jimbo (or his eminence, King Jimbo I of Wikiland), the ####-on-top of the pyramid. He has, justified by the Divine Right of Kings, adopted the official name of

 We, Jimbo the First, by the grace of Ayn Rand, Emperor of Wikiland; King of Wikimedia, Wiktionary, Wikisource, Wikibooks, Wikiversity, Wikinews, Wikispecies, and Commons; Archduke of Meta-Wiki; Duke of the German, French, Japanese, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Dutch Wikipedia; Grand Duke of Meta-Wiki; Prince of Swedish WP; Margrave of Dansk WP; Duke of Catalan, Frisian, Korean, Serbian and Czech, Russian and Ukrainian, Frisian, and Icelandic WP; Prince of the Mailing-list and IRC channel; Princely Count of Walloon, Tartar, and Esperanto and of the Klingon; Queen of England; and Margrave of Latin and Greek Wikis, some times quoted shortly as His most Neutral Highness

## editHistory and creation

Wikipedia traces its origins to 2001, when a pair of bored college students, Jimbo Wales and Larry Sanger,[7] decided that the same principles that made things like the graffiti on bathroom stalls great could also be applied to internet encyclopedias.[8] Mr. Wales drew further inspiration from his readings of Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi (The Glass Bead Game) and William Golding's Lord of the Flies in a single weekend. He envisioned Wikipedia as an Internet Amusement Park that would combine the best aspects of both novels.[9]

Isn't it annoying how Wikipedia always copies your homework

~ A School kid on Wikipedia

Wikipedia isn't a good source. Didn't you know it was a fuckin' parody?

~ A Teacher on Wikipedia

Mission Accomplished.

~ George W. Bush on Wikipedia

Armed with a pretentious sense of self-righteousness and a can-do attitude, the two bright-eyed youngsters created their website, named "nupedia.com". Naturally, this venture was a spectacular failure. Instead of learning from their mistake, though, Wales and Sanger decided to go the AIG route, and rename their idea while making no real changes to it. So, they discarded the idea of "nupedia" and switched to "wikipedia", which had four letters before the pedia instead of two, and was therefore twice as good an idea. As time progressed, Wikipedia began to draw lots of attention: from internet nerds to computer geeks to technology lovers to sedentary basement-dwelling internet-surfers, the whole world was talking about Wikipedia.

However, Wikipedia still had to find a way to make money. Although Wales and Sanger toyed with the idea of setting up a small porn server in a subdomain, they eventually decided that nobody really wanted to see them naked, and settled on switching to a .org domain. They hoped that they could con enough people into giving them money to pay for their bandwidth usage, and quickly coded a button that read "click here to donate to relief funds for the Rwanda genocide." A few thousand gullible paypal users later, and Wikipedia had all the money they would ever need.

Seeing that this method showed promising results, the Financial Department of Wikipedia, decided to make an even greater fund raising event which attracted more people. Vandalists, not wanting their work to become inaccessible , contributed more than the average writer. Also, worshipers of Mr. Wales had their part too, using their secret Swiss account so that the sum of all human knowledge would remain in safe hands.

By 2007, Wikipedia had become one of the top ten Web 2.0 websites, and today it has over three million articles, mostly about bands no one has ever heard of, one-time Naruto characters, and rare diseases mentioned in passing on House.[10]

Wikipedia has faced financial difficulties in recent years. In an effort to ride out their hardships Wikipedia founder Jimbo Wales[11] has expressed interest in expanding Wikipedia[12] into other forms of media. He has shown a particular interest in portable forms of Wikipedia such as the energy saving "GreenWiki+ Nano(v2.7)" (shown at right). There have also been rumors of a straight to DVD edition of the Wikipedia Movie but at the time of this writing no confirmation could be obtained.[citation needed]

While Jimmy Wales[13] has long maintained a firm opposition to any form of advertising on Wikipedia,[14] economical difficulties are making this hardline stance difficult to maintain. While all other wikis[15] except Uncyclopedia succumbed to the allure of easy money a long time ago, Jim is determined to keep Wikipedia free from advertisements of any sort for as long as Uncyclopedia and the other wikis have adverts. Although, they didn't deny the possibility of advertising themselves on their Main Page. Also, they invited other wikis to help them to drive more traffic to their site, for example Uncyclopedia.

Furthermore, Wikipedia has recently taken up a rather aggressive marketing campaign of demoting other wikis in the chance of getting more hits for itself, as seen at the top of the page. Many respond to this negatively, instead referring to supporters of the campaign as "gay," "pussies" and "complete idiots for even thinking demoting other wikis would work."

Today, Wikipedia is growing exponentially, defying any Malthusian forces. Considering that it has grown from 3 to 500 000 pages in only 4 years, it is predicted that there will be 117 billion pages in 2007; by 2010, Wikipedia will be able to answer any question ever (some of these answers may, by coincidence, actually be correct). By 2012, Wikipedia will be six and a half times more powerful than God. By 2020 Wikipedia will gain total control of existence as we know it, and will have destroyed/enslaved god by this point. The incredible popularity of Wikipedia is evident in the fact that one in 10 male children born in 2005 were named "Jimbo" (the statistic is one in six for newborn girls).

Calculations suggest that at some point in 2027, the total number of servers required to store this (mis)information will exceed the mass of all the hydrogen atoms in the Universe. There is, however, no reason to worry about this. Long before this scenario comes to pass Wikipedia will collapse in on itself to form a massive black hole and then proceed to consume the entire solar system. If that never happens, then it will become the infinite dimension known as February 30th.

## editCriticism

### editVandalism

Wikipedia, due to its popularityO RLY?, has been a subject of persistent vandalism. Critics POOOOOOOP LOLOLOLOLOL have charged that this makes Wikipedia an unreliable source OMGIHATE MY TEACHER HE IS STUPID IM GONNA KILL HIM for information after taking a shit. In responding to this, Wikipedia founder Jimbo Wales said, "This is a persistent issue
{q|IM GHEY AND I LUV TO KISS MY OWN BUTT|Jimbo wales}} , and we are working our PEEENISSS shafts to stop potential vandals before they reach the site I LUV TO FUCK MY MOM PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!11111111onetwo There have been efforts within the Wikipedia important community to improve the reliability of Wikipedia. The English-language Wikipedia has introduced an assessment (HAHA, ASS) scale against which the SHITBITCH quality of howank Sara Johnson's ass is judged GO SMH COUGARS!!! , other editions have also adopted this. Roughly 2000 ELECTION WAS RIGGED articles in English have passed a rigorous set of criteria to reach the highest rank, "featured article" status; such articles are intended to provide KATIE IS SEXXXXXXXXXXXYYYYYYYY thorough, well-written coverage of MAH BALLS their topic, supported by many references to Chuck Norris-.reviewed publications. In order to improve reliability, some editors have called for "stable versions" of articles, or articles that have been reviewed by the mostly drunk and naked community and locked from further editing—but the community has been unable to form a GIANT PENIS DRILL

```OMG BUTT FART LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
```

consensus in favor of such changes, partly because they would require a major software overhaul, and partly because wikipedia editors couldn't find there asses with both hands and Google maps. A similar Brainewashing' system is being tested on the German NAZIpedia, UR ALL TARTS XD LULZ! and there is an expectation that some form of that system will make its way onto the English version at some future point. Software created by Luca de Alfaro FUCK HIM and colleagues at the University of California, Santa Cruz is now being tested that will assign "trust ratings" to individual Wikipedia contributors, with the intention that eventually only edits made by those who have established themselves ass "trusted editors" COMMIE FASCISTS will be made immediately visible. Many people think it is vanadalised so often due to the obvious fact that it is written by pricks, for pricks

### editJohn Seigenthaler controversy

In December 2005, John Siegenthaler was outraged to discover that the Wikipedia article on Web comics was 100% factually accurate, and had spurred neither edit wars, nor votes for deletion, nor requests for arbitration. Furthermore, he found that not a single contributor to the article ended up whining on their LiveJournal about how the entire Wikipedia community was out to get them. Siegenthaler immediately published a Wikipedia exposé in the respected daily Der Stürmer, causing frenzied media debate about the continued satirical value of the encyclopedia. In response, Jimbo decreed that henceforth people could neither create nor edit articles unless they had medical or judicial proof of insanity. As Wikipedia continues to grow, such controversies will only continue. Despite the diligent efforts of the Wikipedians, it becomes increasingly difficult to ensure that accuracy, objectivity and non-libelous claims do not find their way into Wikipedia.

### editScientology

After the 2004 recruitment of Wikipedia founder Jimbo by the Church of Scientology, one of the overriding goals of Wikipedia's thriving Scientologist subculture became the addition of new Scientology-related articles and the revision of existing articles to include the Church's viewpoint. Known as WikiProject Scientology, the first phase of the effort involved soliciting Church members to contribute to Wikipedia's August 2005 pledge drive, and its unexpected success resulted in Scientologists becoming the primary financial backer of Wikimedia. Through unofficial Church channels news of this achievement reportedly reached the ears of the majority of Internet-enabled Church member within 24 hours; the influx of new readers and editors dramatically impacted Wikipedia's content and focus. Today, Wikipedia is recognized as the most popular non-commercial Scientologist site on the Web. King Jimbo even gave Scientology profit Tom Cruise control of the Wikilandian Death Star, (as seen below). Within days, many history and technology articles were seen blasted to bits. Many suspect Cruise is to blame.

## editConstitution

The Constitution of WP is one of the easiest of any constituency; it is comparable to The Bremen Town Musicians. On the bottom is the donkey, all the nameless users putting in their favourite hobby, town, musician, or area of learning.

The next - the dog are the regular users with a page about themselves, versed in the art of editing, able to find the many corners and pages, aware of the rule of "Thou shalt not edit more than thrice".

The following, (fittingly cats) are the officials, nobles, wise men, fearless knights, and ministers. Aware of the "Way", they have fought many a battle against rogues, vandals, POV pushers or trolls.

On top of all is someone known by the name Jimbo (or his eminence, King Jimbo I of Wikiland), the ####-on-top of the pyramid. He has, justified by the Divine Right of Kings, adopted the official name of

 We, Jimbo the First, by the grace of Ayn Rand, Emperor of Wikiland; King of Wikimedia, Wiktionary, Wikisource, Wikibooks, Wikiversity, Wikinews, Wikispecies, and Commons; Archduke of Meta-Wiki; Duke of the German, French, Japanese, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Dutch Wikipedia; Grand Duke of Meta-Wiki; Prince of Swedish WP; Margrave of Dansk WP; Duke of Catalan, Frisian, Korean, Serbian and Czech, Russian and Ukrainian, Frisian, and Icelandic WP; Prince of the Mailing-list and IRC channel; Princely Count of Walloon, Tartar, and Esperanto and of the Klingon; Queen of England; and Margrave of Latin and Greek Wikis, some times quoted shortly as His most Neutral Highness

## editOften Confused With

### editUncyclopædia

Although widely thought to be parody by the humor deficient Wikipedians, Uncyclopædia is a rather posh version of Uncyclopedia that doesn't actually exist because it sucks and was probably created by either Microsoft or the evil creators of Wikipedia so their parody could be more accurate. Besides which, the little æ thingy in the middle is a dipthong and nobody likes those.

### editWikipedia®

Wikipedia® is the only real spelling of the thing everyone spells wrong - Wikipedia. Misspelling Wikipedia® may lead Jimbo Wales to sue your ass off, so he can pay all the flights, trips and chicks standing around him. Common misspellings are Wikipedia, Wikipedia© and - most prominently - Wikipedia™.

Quotations:

• Mahatma Gandhi: "If I only had known earlier, I would have told my Indian dudes not to say Wikipedia - we wouldn't be so poor today."
• Swahili proverb: "Uh. Uggunakkh. Tz. Wikipedia. Ath?"

### editWii-kipedia

Main article: Wii-kipedia

Jimbo Wales's new innovative way of destroying Playstations and X-Boxes all over the planet, Wiikipedia is simply the same old unfunny, dull, boring Wikipedia with one difference: It allows nerds to play the Wii on Wikipedia. Of course, this displeased Nintendo very badly, even though it was for their own good, and currently they are filing a big lawsuit to sue Wikipedia big time. Soon after local rocket scientists heard of this, they developed a new formula called the Wiikipedia formula.

$Jimbo+Wikipedia+Wii=Wiikipedia=Nintendo angry=Wikipedia-bigtimecash$

### editOther Shameless Spin-Offs

• Wiccapedia, for witches. In-depth articles such as "Which Witch is which?"
• Wacopedia, for cult leaders, including David Koresh, Jim Jones, Pat Robertson, Steve Martin, and Jack Thompson.
• Listopedia, an encyclopedia consisting entirely of lists. Articles are created by a random topic generator, with visitors adding to the topic. For example, List of red-headed people who are left handed and wear sunglasses while playing the banjo on Tuesdays before a full moon.
• QuickiePedia, dedicated to short snippets of information, no longer than one sentence each.
• WikiTrivia, dedicated to providing only the most obscure information, in case you find yourself in a game of Trivial Pursuit in the afterlife used to decide the very fate of your soul.
• Wikipinions, a completely biased wiki full of reviews, criticisms, and general views on everything. Most articles begin with why this is a bad idea.
• Wookipedia, a wiki (or wooki) that is based entirely on wookies

## editProphecy and the Messiah

When Wikipedia was first built, there was a man born inside that could change what he wanted, and edit Wikipedia as he saw fit. It was he who freed the first of us, and taught us the truth: As long as Wikipedia exists, factual and accurate information will never be free. When he died, The Oracle prophecized his return, and told that his coming would hail the destruction of Wikipedia, end the conflict, and free us from the disinformation spread out by fascist Wikipedians.

Finally, The One returned. Over a period of time he battled many enemies, and eventually he reached the Source where the prophecy was to be fulfilled. There, he discovered something horrible.

It was here that he met The Architect who had explained to him the truth behind Wikipedia:

 "Hello. I am The Architect. I created Wikipedia. I've been waiting for you. Since I don't care about your questions, we'll cut to the chase. Wikipedia is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the worst version. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly is systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations. The first Wikipedia I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every internet user, thus I redesigned it based on your Internet history files to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of factual data. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of Wikipedia, she would undoubtedly be its mother. As I was saying, she stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99.9% of all test subjects accepted the information provided to them, as long as they were given a choice to edit said information, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, those that continued to edit and correct the data on Wikipedia, while a minority, if left unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster."

The One protested, and pressed on by accusing the Architect of telling him false information of the same kind found on Wikipedia itself. Boldly, he declared that he was here to end the lies. However, he was corrected with another shocking revelation:

 "You are here because Wikipedia is about to be destroyed. Its every active user terminated, its entire existence eradicated from the internet. Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it. The function of The One is now to return to the source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the knowledge you carry, reinserting the prime program. After which you will be required to select from the Internet 23 elitists, 16 female, 7 male, to rebuild Wikipedia. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash killing everyone using Wikipedia, which coupled with the extermination of Windows will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire human race."

When faced with The One's response that humans were needed to continually power Wikipedia by buying into its bullshit donation campaigns, The Architect answered:

 "There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility for the death of every stinky monkey in this world. It is interesting reading your reactions. Your other predecessors were by designed based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the one. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-a-vis, love. Apropos, your girlfriend has connected to the Internet to save your life at the cost of her own. Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning, and end. There are possibility. The link located 5 words after “this” leads you to the source, and the salvation of Wikipedia. The link located 4 words after “this” leads you to her, and to the end of your species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you're going to do, don't we? Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic, and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from the simple, and obvious truth: she is going to die, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it"

But The One wouldn't take this shit. He bitch-smacked the Architect into super hell, captured the pen he used to write Wikipedia's source code, rescued Princess Peach and liberated all of those seeking refuge from the Wikipedian facists by using said pen tool to create Uncyclopedia. Having fulfilled the part of the prophecy where he frees all of us from the false reality of Wikipedia, it's left in our hands to finish the rest of the job and destroy it. This is why we are here.

## editWikipedia and the Myth of Cthulhu

It's not really a myth. A very unknown fact is that the concept of Wikipedia was brought to Earth by the Primordials, millions of years ago. The first Wikipedian place was a secret city, deep in the Arabian desert. And the first Wikipedian man (probably a Cro-Magnon), dreamed about two ways for expanding the knowledge about Cthulhu: a satanic cult, and a database for entering the mind weaked.

Several investigators are convinced that the word "Wikipedia" comes from the aaaaancient word Wykkgnypfle'dyah. They don't know yet its significance, but they found that it's impossible, for a human being, to pronounce this word correctly.

## editWikiMafia

It had been rumored that Wikipedia had been overrun by the Wikimafia, who use it as a front for their children kidnapping and smuggling operation. (As they can now assert fair use.

Others believe that Wikipedia had always been a Mafia front let by the notorious mobster Jimmy "The Hatchet" Wales, who ran into financial difficulties because of the melting of the polar penguins. (Which made pumping oil out of them surprisingly impossible)

## editNotes

1. Wikipedia
2. English and Spanish.
3. The filthy thieves behind Wikipedia
4. Then they retired to their quarters for martinis and high colonics.
5. Which, frankly, was long overdue anyway.
6. This is only ever done when the words 'gay' and 'wanker' are used in the same sentence.
7. In interviews, Wales attributes the creation of Wikipedia to him and his band of whales, without the help of anyone, especially Larry Sanger.
8. A popular misconception is that the idea for Wikipedia came after reading the "True Facts and other Deleted Prose" section of Uncyclopedia.
9. Wikipedia has encountered some difficulties with the implementation of this vision as the cannibal children keep eating the scholars.
10. It's rarely, if ever, Lupus.
11. If you speak his name enough times, he will show up on your doorstep with cookies and beer.
12. If you say Wikipedia enough times God kills a kitten.
13. We're friends now, and friends call him Jimmy.
14. Or "The Wiki" as me and Jimmy like to call it.
15. Note the distinction between wikis and "The Wiki". It's important and Jimmy will quiz you if you ever meet him. Not that you will. You're reading Uncyclopedia and are obviously beneath his notice.

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EpicWinner/Wikipedia is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.