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“When I find a student, I want it shot, beaten and hanged... in that order.”
~ Oscar Wilde on student

A student is an individual whose primary functions are to eat, sleep, and pass notes, and whose intended and secondary functions are to learn and be respectful. Students never do anything unless they're extorted to. The very rarely found motivated students try to absorb all knowledge in the universe in order to overthrow governments and rule the world with an iron fist. This plan is usually thwarted as they spend most of their life paying their many debts back.

edit History

The rise of the organized student movement can be traced to the liberation of the falsely accused O.J. Simpson in 1995. With the help of co-conspirator Al Cowlings, students successfully stymied the attempts of Judge Judy to imprison one of the greatest actors of the 20th century.

Robert Blake turned to students to help him beat a bogus charge of murder in 2004. Student leader Matthew Broderick provided prosecutors with an alibi for Blake, convincing them that the odometer on Blake's PT Cruiser had not registered any increased mileage during the purported murder timeframe, and hence was not driven that night. Broderick insisted that he was at Blake's residence with the accused watching re-runs of Baretta.

The popular television show The O.C. has become a medium to discuss serious issues facing students today.

edit Identifying a Student

Students roam freely in urban environments and are known to take up social causes ranging from the abolition of music and movie piracy, to the drive for the deification of Dick Clark. Standard uniforms are issued by the Gap, American Eagle and Sears, as expressions of individuality are discouraged to prevent identification of students conducting rogue operations. Ipod transmitters are a crucial tool for the student, as instructions from Broderick are broadcasted to mobilize the masses. True believers in the student cause will have a discreet tattoo of Regis Philbin located on their inner thigh.

edit Post it notes

The word "student" is used by people who are users of the drug post-it note to refer to people (and everything else) below them. For example, "Clean up this cat litter! It smells like students!"

Post-it Notes can also be recognised as a form of reminding somebody about something that that somebody may have forgot or pretended to forget about - As described in the link above.

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