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Where man always bites dog

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6 February 2012

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Washington, D.C. -- The U.S. House of Representatives voted unanimously yesterday to ban bans on allowing blind persons to purchase guns. The bill's failure in the House was supported by the National Rifle Association and several blind rights groups who cite the need for blind persons to defend themselves from assailants.

Bertrand McPhalluster, a blind cab driver, says that he is increasingly becoming a victim of violent crimes. "I was last robbed two days ago," he says, "and the assailant was wearing a mask, so I could not identify him even if you had him in a lineup. Also, I am blind."

Gun activists across the board agree that letting the blind own guns will possibly deter crimes committed against them. But critics say that this is stupid. "This is stupid," says law enforcement officer Sheen Bergenstein. "It makes about as much sense as a deaf person buying ear plugs or a sane person listening to dubstep." Law makers intend to vote on banning dubstep next week.

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