From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I won't be a writer anyhow. I'll be a megalomaniac.. somehow or other I'll be famous, or notorious!”
Megalomania is a perfectly normal state of mind, and is inextricably linked to humanity and the human condition. It is the possession of what one has earned through hard work and superior genetic material - wealth, power or omnipotence (or other superpowers). These are the Three Marble Pillars of Megalomania, are the keystones of identifying one bestowed with megalomania, and are often generally termed as the realities of grandeur.
The Three Marble Pillars of Megalomania
Remember, the Three Marble Pillars are wealth, power and superpowers. Now, for each Marble Pillar there is an acid test, to determine if you are truly gifted with megalomania.
- The First Pillar, wealth. This is the easiest acid test to overcome. Do think you own a large commercial entity? Do you think you are filthy rich? Do think you spend more on your clothes than on the wages of your many servants? If yes, proceed to the next test.
- The Second Pillar, power. If you passed the first test, you probably can move right on, but just be be sure you didn't skip the first one, you dirty cheat, here is the second test anyway. Do you believe you can make other people do things for you? If yes, proceed to the final gruelling test.
- The Third Pillar, superpowers. This is the safest test to accomplish, as clearly if you have made it this far, you are an exceptional person and nothing bad will happen to you. Honest. Now, unlike the past two tests, this test requires you to go outside and test your glorious superpowers. Of course, it depends on what superpowers you have. For example if you are gifted with hydrokinesis, take a seat to the beach and use your powers to prevent the tide from coming in. Piece of cake. Or, if you are gifted with superhuman strength or invunerability, stop a train in its tracks or jump into a vat of acid. How easy was that?
If you've got this far, you have the fabled realities of grandeur. Congratulations. The world awaits you.
Making your Megalomania work for you
So, now you know you have megalomania, the question is, what can your megalomania do for you?
Let's start with you. The most important thing is to remember that you are better, and much much more important than everybody else. Also, remember that it is impossible for you to make a mistake, or to hold an incorrect view.
Obviously, being a megalomaniac is highly desirable, but sadly, only a rare handful achieve the recognition they deserve for their hard work. So, how does one go about becoming a proper, world-renowned megalomaniac?
- Self-promotion: The best way to make yourself more popular, is, of course, to make yourself more known. This can, of course, be easily done through yelling out "<insert name here> is my name, and I am the greatest EVER!" or variant. However, you have access to a massive personal fortune, so a widespread publicity campaign should be no problem.
- Revolution: Sometimes, poor, poor misguided souls have different views to yours. If they don't like you now, they probably never will. Clearly, they are idiots and should die. It is perfectly justifiable to kill them. Continue to kill people that disagree with you until you get the recognition you deserve. On the off-chance you do actually take government, these rules still apply. Remember, it does help to have followers, but if you have superpowers, it still shouldn't be too hard.
|Parts of this article were originally sporked from Wikipedia.|