From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| Motto: "shall we hi 5?" |
|Anthem: "why do dogs cry?"|
|Official languages||hi 5s|
|Education||hypnotherapy based gymnastics|
Holland In this mythical land the bikes lock themselves. It was discovered by a young lass, who after a night of heavy drinking in toronto stumbled over the border to find a wonderland of ginger bread, and a surfing australian called hansel. Hansel tried to persuade her that she was meant to be there, a twist of fate perhaps. but all this was lost in time, as it held little or no relevance to the section it was being typed in.
the second interesting fact is that the locals all drive around on segways that have cheese wheels. this was an initiative set up by the piper commitee, obviously to get rid of the rats.
there are canals everywhere, these were originally produced for ease of cleaning the segways cheese wheels once a wee rodent scoundrel had been crushed underwheel. this meant that at any time any driver could drive his rodent destroyer, or otherwise called depending on the owner, into a canal. firstly there was confusion as to where you could drive into the canals, and chaos ensued. until one bright spark named vincent van gogh decided to begin drawing distraction paintings.
these paintings were designed specifically to catch the segway rider off guard, so imagine that along comes mister determined segway rider, he must clean his segway, but there is a lovely painting...suddenly he needs to scrutinize the merits of the work and stroke his chin. his segway is ditched and he begins pondering the piece with much admiration. this technique of confusion eliminating at the canal edge became very popular, and soon enough there were van gogh paintings lining the entire canal system, and beside them a large pile of rotting segways, left forgotten as everybody became instant art critics and no longer needed the ease and functionality of segways and began wandering the land in bare feet, growing goatees and wearing john lennons glasses.
other than the numerous john lennon glass enthusiasts, you can venture out into the wild, get some adrenaline pumping and roll down their hill. normally the lines are pretty good on weekdays, but dont go in the weekend, because there will be thousands upon thousands of mid 20 year olds doing their OE and partying and having an awesome time. instead sit at home and watch re runs of coronation street with a cup of tea and a dressing gown, make sure you turn the dutch subtitles on then try to pronounce the words that come up, then laugh because you sound absurd. if you want to be even more adventurous bike on the road. with. no. helmet. on. then be courteous to drivers and remark on what a pleasant day it is.
This subject was initially introduced to dutch primary schools all throughout the netherlands in 2001 to raise awareness of things like mountains, canyons and land that is at sea level. before this the people would make dangerously foolhardy decisions when confronted with anything other than lush green fields with the odd tulip or daffodil sprinkled here and there and 30,000 young, attractive woman frolicking through wearing traditional dresses and shoes made from rare trees that no longer exist. it was a rude awakening, and there followed a national uproar of parents demanding that their children should not be subject to such slander, you see they had been educated in the old way. there was a movie made about it, a novel written, and a note written on a beach, saying "ben is a slut".
ben then countered with a magazine article recounting his traumatising ordeal. the pure emotion and bitchyness of the article inspired a then unknown woman to write a novel about a robotic sparkler who liked to dwell in childrens playgrounds in the late afternoon.
edit Major Cities
The major cities of Holland are:
- Davesland where transformers 2 was filmed
- Kumarsland He was daves mate
- Rattown the deputy mayor had a pet rat, that he secretly did experiments on, then it got sick and the plague happened
- lotsasexvillage contrary to the name, there is no sex here.
- Jeremysland he was also daves mate, but dave didnt really like him.
- Croissont? named after a tourist who got lost, and offered a croissont to a woman. little did he know that it is dutch for "your forearm eminates from it a beauty so pure i think im going to cry." but she was already married, and the husband began throwing dead horses at him until he went away.
- siccccc Hansel lived here
- breadtrail He still thought it was fate that brought them together
- Hansel tossed and turned in his bed all night
- In the morning he plucked up the courage to ask the girl from toronto something very important
- Carlsland Jeremy's friend, who david hated, but gave him a town anyway.
- amandasland daves girlfriend who used to go out with carl, and probably still sees him on the down low. the origin of daves burning desire to skin carl
edit Focus on Rotterdam
Rotterdam has a couple of quirks that are worthy of mention though. In short:
The rotting piles of segway are still around there somewhere. hence the name, rotting by the dam.
Hansel is still trying to wo miss toronto in telling him her name, you can see him in action, live, for only 3 euro.
edit Meaningless Cities
i cant remember them
at least 2, last time i checked Hansel and dave were still kicking around somewhere.