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Tell me, have you ever wondered what the most evil organization on earth is? AOL? Hah! They're more incompetent than evil. Microsoft? Not any more. The Republican Party? No, although they're a distant second. Nine out of ten grues agree that the most vile creation ever formed on Earth is none other than Electronic Arts.
Oh, and the tenth probably agreed too, given as he/she/it thought a bit, then fled screaming.
Back in 1982 AD, when bell-bottoms were fashionable and George W. Bush had yet to start World War III, Satan's latest disciple, Trip Hawkins, was ordered to form a new organization of pure, unadulterated evil. As an Apple employee, naturally he applied their vicious techniques to form a new company, iElectronic iArts. Due to lawsuits (and the fact that Apple's naming process was owned by a fellow disciple), he was forced to change the name to Electronic Arts.
Now, seeing as a video game company without video games would be laughed at in every state except Texas and Tennessee, EA's leaders resolved to steal the souls of rival programmers and offer to exchange them for games. Origin Systems, Bullfrog Productions, Maxis, and Ubisoft Entertainment were just some of their victims. By the year 2008, they had cemented their position as the top third-party game developer, the most evil company around, and the #6 source of human sacrifice. If you care, Trip Hawkins -- who had graduated to more sinister projects a decade ago -- was one of the five companies ahead of EA.
Not content with their vile reign of wickedness, John Riccitiello (the new CEO) decided that "Screw the customer" would be an ideal practice. After mild tests with Bioshock and Mass Effect, he decided to include DRM (Demonic Ritualized Mayhem, a feared part of the Satanic Bible) in Spore. Furthermore, to slightly cut costs, about 5% of every DVD deliberately had a soul-stealing program added on as well. Unfortunately (for EA), a side effect caused the affected DVDs to appear blank. Only one new company dared comment on it, and that very night it rained fireballs down on their headquarters.
With their success, EA will likely move on to even more sinister projects at our expense, such as-- oh God, they found me! Call 911! CALL 911 BEFORE IT'S TOO LA--