User:Dr. Skullthumper/Uncyclopedia:Eat Some Waffles

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One of the most critical, vital, and important things you can do as an Uncyclopedia editor is to eat some waffles. Now, I know you've been reading a lot of policy pages telling you things that you should do and shouldn't do, but if you remember one piece of advice, it ought to be this one. About the waffles.

edit Skepticism

Now listen, I know you may be a bit skeptical of what eating some waffles could possibly do. And I'm here to tell you: Uncyclopedia isn't the place for skeptics. When I click that edit button, I don't sit here wondering whether or not my edit's going to show up on the wiki! I take it on faith that it will! And when it doesn't, that just means it was rejected by our all-knowing god Sophia. Nothing to be ashamed of. Happens to the best of us.

Skepticism doesn't belong here. If you want to be skeptical, get your behind back to Wikipedia. They're skeptical all the time. 24/7. It never lets up. Always wondering if this is true or if that's true or if something's notable or whatever. How do I know, you might ask? I don't know. But I don't question, because I just told you this isn't the place for that and you're obviously not paying attention.

edit MediaWiki

You might have heard that Uncyclopedia runs off of something called MediaWiki. Well I'm here to tell you, that's not true. None of that's true. Uncyclopedia is run off of three things:

  1. Hard work
  2. Determination
  3. The Internet

But most importantly:


I didn't even mean to put that in all caps, it just came out that way. Know why? Because waffles are bloody important, that's why. That's the spirit of waffles, flowing out through my fingers, onto my keyboard, and eventually into the Internet so that lump behind your eye sockets can be enlightened. Pure waffles.

edit Waffles

Now I didn't bring you here to talk about waffles without talking about waffles. I understand you might have some questions, like:

  • Which brand of waffles?
  • What do waffles got to do, got to do, got to do with it?
  • Is syrup allowed?
  • Can I calculate the circumference of a rounded waffle assuming it to be an n-gon where n approaches infinity?
  • Why are waffles round when they're made up of squares?

I know, I have problems with that last one too. But I told you to stop asking questions. The best thing you can do for Uncyclopedia today isn't editing an article, or reverting someone's nonsense, or voting on any one of our hopelessly corrupt and inaccurate voting pages.

It's eating waffles. I know, I was surprised too. But I read an essay and it convinced me. As you know, all essays on Uncyclopedia are correct, even - especially - the ones that contradict each other.

So get up, march over to your freezer, pull those suckers out and indulge, baby. For the good of Uncyclopedia.

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