User:Dime IV

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Dime IV
Brian Williams mellowin' out 003c
This is not a picture of Dime IV; it is of American news anchor Brian Williams enjoying a refreshing menthol cigarette on the air.
Background information
Birth name J. Fourth Dimension Terry
Born January 11, 1968 (1968-01-11) (age 46)
Orlando, Florida, United States
Genre(s) Prog country & western, industrial jazz, the purples (a subgenre of the blues but mo'e low down 'n' dirteh 'n' all to'e up, a-haw haw haw haw)
Occupation(s) Bidness executive, musician, songwriter, author, film maker, professional goat herder (second-string half-stavesman with the Aberdeen Furry Boot Tunes of the Greater Northern Hemisphere Goat Herding League, 1992-1995)
Instrument(s) Guitar, bass, keyboards, drums, vocals, cigar box banjo, lead electric armpit flatulence, pseudo-sexual grunting, hoedown ukelele
Years active 1968-present

Dime IV (born J. Fourth Dimension Terry, January 11, 1968) is a contributor to Uncyclopedia, a faux-knowledge aggregation website. He is also an author, professional goat herder, avant garde film maker, and musician. He is most notable as the lead guitarist and keyboardist with the prog country power trio, The Fertilized Deviled Eggs and as a touring orchestra member with the ice-skating theater production, "Oscar Wilde's The Ballad of Reading Gaol On Ice!"

edit Early life

DimeIVCriminaln00b

Mugshot of newborn Dime IV, January 1968, Orlando, Florida.

IV was conceived in Columbia, Tennessee, in the spring of 1967 and was born at 3:23 a.m. (EST), Thursday, January 11, 1968, at Orange Memorial Hospital, in Orlando, Florida, where he was immediately arrested for conspiracy to foment feelings of bitterness and regret within the Greater Orange County Florida Statistical Metropolitan Area.

Hitchhiking north by northwest in the summer of 1969, IV considered returning to Columbia, not unlike a salmon returning to its spawning grounds; however, he continued toward Nashville.

edit Childhood

It was in Nashville where IV's hardwired brain kicked in with the language, the walking, and the general revelry of being a kid. Soon, he was knocking about the groves of primary and secondary academe. Around this time, IV vacillated between becoming a musician and a fried chicken magnate; unfortunately, the insufferable cod-sniff Harland Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken and inventor of the spork, beat IV to it by some forty-plus years; consequently, IV buckled down and focused solely on his music.

edit Secondary and collegiate career

From 1982 to 1986, IV attended McGavock Comprehensive High School in the Nashville suburb of Donelson, where he was a quiet, unassuming student. IV, however, had his moments of notoriety, such as running amok in the halls with his pants folded neatly over his arm; engaging in spirited political, theological and philosophical debates with himself using “puppet-talking” hands; laughing maniacally and throwing smoke bombs before making his daily getaway from algebra class; and literally undressing A/V club coeds after developing a debilitating block while mentally undressing them.

After apathetic stints at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, where he learned the finer points of supply-side economics by scalping his student allotment of Volunteers football tickets and at Tennessee Technological University in Cookeville, where he learned the finer points of skipping class, smoking cigarettes, and caring about little else, IV received a B.S. in Journalism at Middle Tennessee State University in Murfreesboro and an M.B.A. at Belmont University in Nashville.

edit Post-salad days

IV worked his way up the wicked corporate ladder to the "NOT A STEP" rung, where he became a senior vice president with a Nashville-based international distributor of Christian apocalyptic tracts.

edit Selected works

Film

  • I, Human Butterfly: From Squalling Larva To Sexually Active Bipedal Bug (But Not Like Gregor Samsa Or Anything Like That, Though)
  • Nice Mister Jerry Lewis In Paris, You Know, With The Hair Tonic And The Lozenge And The Getting All Screwy With The Funny Faces And The Kvelling Mit Der OY-HAYVEL NISHT GEFLOYGEN TENTSL WHHOOAAAAHHHH LAAY-DEEEEE! *HRRRN* -- A Documentary

Music

  • "Sitcho Wize Hone Down, Bwah"
  • "Wheelchair Wreck"
  • "Hazmat Hazel (Ain't Wearin' No Bikini Atoll)"
  • "Fixin' To Tap Dat Azz"
  • "Scratch 'N' Sniff"

Bibliography

  • "Skip" Hitler: The Teenager Who Would Be Fuhrer
  • I Likes To Get Drunk And Say "Arrrrgh!" Like A Pirate Do (Winner of the Reading Is Fundamental Gold Foil Star For Effort In Writing award, 1984)
  • The Day Jughead Thacker Drove My '58 Plymouth Fury Right Off Hoover Dam
  • E-I-E-I-Oh The Humanity!: Old McDonald's Infamous Shotgun Rampage
  • Let's Go Bass Fishing With Professor Stephen Hawking
  • Hollywood's Bed-Shitting Drunks, Past And Present
  • Who's Who In The Greater Chicago Textile Industry
  • Ted Nugent's Guide To Passover
  • The Ineluctable Allure Of The Flattop Haircut
  • Notable Mississippi Shítkickers, 1817 to 1950
  • The Devil's Fungo Bat
  • OK, So You're Not Gay--Still, I Bet You'd Hold A Dick In Your Mouth Long Enough Until Someone Who Is Gay Could Be Summoned To Take Over For You
  • Tears Of Unrequited Love In My Hearty Manhattan Clam Chowder
  • Happiness Is A Scrotum Nestled In Warm Boxer Briefs Right Out Of The Dryer
  • Andy Griffith's Down-Home Homespun Yarns Of Good Old-Fashioned Country Sodomy
  • Smoldering Long Underwear Hanging From An Arcing Electrical Substation Transformer
  • Diary Of A Jazz Trio With Severe Tourette's Syndrome
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