User:Un-Digi/Save the Cats

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Save the Kitties

Save the Kitties is an anti-masturbation campaign run by the Christian group The name is considered tongue-in-cheek although the anti-masturbation message is quite genuine.

Choice of Name

The name refers to the popular internet meme, associated with the phrase "Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten". The choice of a comical name was intended to make the issue of... you know masturbation easier to talk about for religious people who are normally content to allow their friends to do it in private even though it will lead to eternal damnation.


The Save the Kitties Campaign aims to:

  • Raise awareness about the dangers of masturbation using a combination of social networking sites and medical literature outlining the latest research via vaguely plausible references.
  • Engage the public in an open and frank discussion about the issues related to masturbation.
  • Help people who are suffering from feelings of shame resulting from masturbation and where such feelings of shame are absent in people, convince them to feel ashamed.
  • Get into Heaven, obviously.
  • Scare young people into a cycle of sexual repression.
  • Collect tithes in order to continue the work of God.
  • Undermine science.


The group is committed to nonviolent, noncoercive means to achieve its goals, even making clear that despite the name the group does not believe God actually kills a kitten upon masturbation. For this reason, the Catholic church has excommunicated all involved with the campaign.


The Catholic Church's Response


What the fuck is this shit?

Although the Vatican has several anti-masturbation programs of its own it nevertheless has condemned Save the Kitties as heretical in the papal encyclical Pontificem sum lol. In the text of Pontificem sum lol the Vatican states

“It is absolutely clear that Save the Kittens denies the word of our saviour Jesus Christ in its outright rejection of the doctrin of the Holy Felicide of God. It amazes all sensible men and women of faith that anyone could begin to question the veracity of the statement "Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten" even though it is a well known internet meme.”
~ The Catholic Church on Dogma

Lawsuit filed by the Institute for the Advancement of Feline Rights

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