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Citizen Cyrus is a 2009 American dramatic documentary, and the first feature film directed by Crazy Carl, who also co-authored the screenplay. It was released by Warner Brothers. The story is a veiled portrayal of the life of Hannah Montana. It has been named as one of the greatest films of all-time by 10 year-old prepubescent girls throughout America who clearly can't comprehend the subtle mocking of all these new Disney brats.
The movie is meant to be a documentary of the life and adventures of the infamous attention whore Miley Cyrus. But, since most of the movie is based in the future, it is just a bunch of assumptions. Plus, since the budget was a mere 5 euros (or $12.64 for Americans), the casting director had to hired illiterate Georgian rednecks to play the parts of the Jonas kids (Except Kevin. They decided to just leave him out completely. No one cared.) and Hannah Montana, instead of actually hiring the real thing. It was considered by several film critics to have been one of the greatest casting moves ever.
Anyway, the director/writer claimed he was inspired by some old movie nobody ever cared about that probably completely sucked.
edit Exerts from the movie
edit Scene 1
(Newspaper headline 1) (Newspaper 2) (Newspaper 3)
edit Scene 4
"Mr. Jonas! Mr. Jonas! May I ask you what the young Hannah last words meant?", questioned the young reporter Jerry Thompson.
"Fuck you!", crackled the adolescent Nick. "I'm not telling you shit about that bitch! She mocked my little dick the whole time we dated and everything! I'm glad she's dead and I have no goddamn idea what she meant by 'Jack rabbit'. It was probably just some more of her drunken ramblings! Leave me alone!" Then, the drunken Nick slammed his hand in the door, so the reporter immediately fled.
"Who else can I interview", thought the young reporter as he waited at the busstop. Then, a man who was clearly both a meth-addict and stuck in the 80's walked up to the bus stop.
"Please, will you give me a dollar?", the meth-addict with a mullet said.
"Wait," said the young Jerry Thompson, "aren't you Billy Ray Cyrus?"
"Yeah, I am", he said.
"What happened to you?", asked Jerry.
"Well, after my daughter died, my wife divorced me, took all of my money I had made off of her, and married our son. Then, Disney quit sending the checks, so I can barely afford my meth!", he said. "Please, help me!"
"Okay", said the reporter while pulling out his wallet, "I'll give you $10 if you tell me--"
"Dammit!" said Jerry. "Guess I'll have to walk..."
edit Scene 6
After walking through the streets of downtown Los Angeles for five hours, the young Jerry arrived at the home of up-and-coming Disney star Selena Gomez. When the young reporter rang the doorbell, the beautiful 16 year-old Selena answered.
"Yes, who are you?" she said.
"Um... Yes... I... Uh...", stuttered the young reporter.
"Are you here to ask me about that slut who died?" she responded.
"Oh yes." He then said, "well, I'm actually most interested in her apparent last words. Do you have any idea what she may have meant?"
The girl said, "Actually, I heard her say those very same words after her MySpace was hacked. She began deleting pictures off of her cell after that. I don't know what she meant though. You should go ask her brother. Whateverhisnameis. I think he'd be at her house getting some of her crap."
"Well... That isn't really any information I can use, but, may I ask you a couple of more questions?"
"Yes," she said, "what is it, now?"
"How often have you broken that little abstinence ring vow, and how'd you like to break it one more time?"
Selena immediately slammed the door in the reporter's face.
"Dammit... It almost worked... Oh well. I guess it's time to go ask her brother if he knew what the fuck that crazy bitch was talking about."
edit Scene whatever. This is the last scene right? God I hope so.
Well, after the several failed interviews with people close to the late Montana, I mean Miley, the young interviewer went back to the late billionaire's mansion, filled with several statues of Michael McDonald for some odd reason. She was probably a big fan of MadTV (Go figure).
The young reporter saw her brother Trace there and asked, "Do you know what her last words 'Jack rabbit' meant? Did you have a jack rabbit for a pet or something when you were growing up?"
"Sorry," said Trace. "I have no idea what my bitch sister was talking about. Why was she so much more famous than I'll ever be?!? I'm the lead singer of my band!"
"Mr. Trace," one of the movers said, "What should we do with her box of sex toys?"
"Yuck! Burn them with her damn sled!", he responded.
"Yes sir!", the mover said as he threw the box into the incinerator.
"Well, we better leave." Trace said.
"Hey. There's no story here. Oh well." said the young reporter.