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“It is awfully hard for me to give an opinion on Midna, as I fear She will use Her Deathly Death Orb of Deathly Deathness on yours truly. Can you really blame me, though?”
“Ten o' clock tlain no lunning today. Midna destloyed boilel.”
“One fine holster, Midna, the cosmic holster, decided to execrate a holster just for fun. She trekked 69 whole miles to get to the land of Unnecessary Surgery Land, where she proceeded to go with the plan. Then she blew up Unnecessary Surgery Land, which was its home, for good measure, and ate a holster before meditating.”
Midna, depending on who you ask, is either the Hindu god of bikinis, a small, cute, devilish creature from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, or a Dark/Flying-type Pokemon that eats/drinks twigs, meatballs and coffee. For three. Freakin'. Meals. A day. Needless to say, it goes straight to her hips, as the picture to the right of this text will tell you.
She is the Imp Pokemon, and can only be found female, because the mere existance of a male Midna would cause the universe to implode in a violent fashion, involving as many Ling-Lings as the universe will allow to be in one place... finishing with a giant, glowing, yellow spider devouring the Milky Way.
Some of Midna's pasttimes include riding wolves in a manner that might turn people on, leeching off of people, creating large dark circles on the ground to beat the crap out of black tentacle critters, leeching off of people, flipping people off at random, giggling, and leeching off of people.
edit Pokemon Midna
Pokemon Midna is a small, dark, imp-looking creature with a large helmet. Your eyes work, you moron, look at the picture.
Midna has a variety of cheap, god-moding moves, most of which involve killing people in a violent manner. It goes without saying that using Midna on the intarwebz will get you banned from the game forever. And your DS confiscated. And also, your parents killed. And Grues ruling the world. And Midna escaping into the wild to usurp the Grues' power.
But here's the list anyway, if you want to see how cheap she is.
|-||Death Orb||25% chance of Fucking-Killing target|
|-||Orb of Death||50% chance of Fucking-Killing target|
|-||Deathly Death Orb of Deathly Deathness||100% chance of Fucking-Killing target|
|5||Fucking-Kill||Rapes and kills two Pokemon in the opponent's team|
|10||OMG SEIZURES!!!!!||Gives the opponent seizures for the rest of their pathetic, miserable lives.|
|20||Big Butt||Your foe cannot lie, the truth they cannot deny.|
|40||Hair Attack||Attacks the foe with Midna's hair. That is also a hand. ...So, yeah.|
|80||Mystery Dungeon||Places the foe into a Mystery Dungeon, where Dialga quickly executes a Fucking-Kill ray on the foe.|
|160||Yet Another Freakin' Steve Ballmer Joke||References Steve Ballmer's "fucking kill" quote a tiresome amount of times until the enemy dies of boredom.|
|320||It's Almost 360 Degrees||Kills enemy forty times for each time you spin your meat.|
|666||A Move Blatantly Stolen from Ling-Ling||Midna summons Satan, then throws him down the throat of your enemy and then burns his testicles. Or boobs, if it's female.|
|911||I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up||Midna makes the enemy fall down, and unable to get up.|
|OVER 9000||Memetic Mutation||Midna a-fires her laser while crushing a hand-held device using her hands. The enemy is mutated into Chuck Norris for the rest of their life. Not that this is a bad thing...|
|1000000000000||Bwuh Pikku Faih||Midna... just talks. The enemy is sucked down a vortex into darkness, where they are likely to be eaten by a Grue.|
After reading this list, you can understand why many people think Midna is dangerous and run away screaming when she comes within forty miles of their hometown.
edit Lifestyles of the rich and Pokemon Midna
Pokemon Midna is native to the prairies of Australia, and frequently hitchhikes in the pouches of boxing kangaroos named... I don't know if I remember. Ricky, or something. She also travels to the past to speak with some talking tree named Maku, who they play poker with on the fiftieth Wednesday of each century.
Pokemon Midna is eternal, and will never die even if other people do. The only time she was ever hurt was when Leviathan came falling out from the top of the sky! and used Bubblebeam on her. Leviathan, reportedly, was then the victim of a Deathly Death Orb of Deathly Deathness. The moral to this story; don't screw with Pokemon Midna, or Pokemon Midna will screw witchoo, biatch.
Pokemon Midna's archenemy is Zantapedia, someone who reportedly links to everything in existence, even if it doesn't exist. The last time they met was forty billion years ago - Zantapedia escaped with fifty scratches, thirty or so internal lacerations, and permanent heart damage. Zantapedia is immortal as well, but he has wisely remained in hiding. See the above paragraph for the moral to this story.
Pokemon Midna has the Grues as (uneasy) allies, in case Zantapedia decides to show up again. Midna's Death Orb powers, combined with the ravenous eating skillz of the Grues, are a sure sign that Zantapedia betta watch his frickin' back 'round these parts.
edit Midna's history
Pokemon Midna is actually from a distant planet, Qrrbirlbel. She, however, was banished to Earth upon unleashing the insta-death move Pwn on someone who was taking too long to decide whether he wanted paper or plastic. This, inadvertantly, attracted Oprah Winfrey to Qrrbirlbel's exact location in space (because Oprah is a godmodder, biatch). Their smelly scents, insane light bloom, and egregious usage of the color brown enraged Oprah so much, she devoured Qrrbirlbel and rampaged throughout the galaxy. Inside Oprah's cavernous stomach, Pokemon Midna was banished from Qrrbirlbel by a flurry of Deathly Death Orbs of Deathly Deathness. Oprah is immortal, so all the DDODDs dsid was burn a hole in her stomach that Pokemon Midna could escape through. Oprah's stomach acid fumes, as well as an overload of nacho ricecakes (uh, don't ask), caused Pokemon Midna to (conveniently) forget the move Pwn.
Once in the depths of space, Pokemon Midna just teleported to Earth and started leeching off of it. She also cloned herself using a machine created by a certain Dr. Doofenschmirtz, which was destroyed by a platypus wearing a detective cap seconds after the operation was a success.
edit Goddess Midna
Midna, as the Hindu goddess of swimwear, is often depicted in Hindu mythology as a slender blue woman wearing nothing but a bikini, whose tears have the power to break glass.
But that's just silly. Everyone knows that the real goddess of swimwear is not a slender blue woman wearing nothing but a bikini. In fact, there is no goddess of swimwear. Just move along.
edit Imp Midna
Imp Midna looks the same as Pokemon Midna, but isn't nearly as cheap - she's rather generous with her money, thank you very much.
edit How to tell Pokemon Midna and Imp Midna apart
Get two identical-looking Midnas together and lock them up in a room with you. The first one to unleash a Fucking-Kill attack on you is the Pokemon Midna. Of course, nobody has escaped this experiment alive, so...
Midna grew up in the Twilight Realm looking a lot like Goddess Midna, but then was attacked by some dude wearing a freaky mask named Zant, who shot a white laser at her. Midna, being African-American, was terrified of the color white, and was engulfed by the laser to turn into what you see up there. She then escaped to Hyrule and found a guy that was turned into a wolf. Midna loves furries, so she instantly leaped onto his back and proceeded to leech off of him.
Eventually she learned how to turn into a giant glowing octopus and pull off tentacle rape on unsuspecting young girls and unsuspecting young Ilias.
edit See also
|Pokémon:||Charmander - Grue - Hyundai - Ling-Ling - Meowth - Mew - Pichu - Pikachu - Poliwag - Snorlax - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Wobbuffet - Torchic - Yoshi|
|People:||Ash - Brock - Herman Cain - Max - Pokemon Kid - Team Rocket|
|Other:||Pikachusetts - Anime series - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - UnNews Pokémon Indonesia Special - UnNews Pokémon Rescue Special - Christian Symbology - Pokemon card - Gotta Catch 'Em All|