User:DeeJaay Batoushai/Don Bosco
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“But, now you come to me, and you say: "Jhonny Bosco, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Grandpa.”
“It is not only difficult but impossible to catch Don”
Don Bosco (literally translated from Latin as Don't give a damn for Bosco) is the biggest pit crew in the rat race that is Indian education. Don Bosco is a chain of schools that has taken up the cause of educating the rats to compete. The chain was founded by Salesians: the salesmen of Jhonny Bosco. This would be the same Jhonny as in Jhonny, Jhonny, Yes Papa! who wear White Night-Gowns of Women to signify their attainment of Moksha. The all-male schools let young men give form to their inner fantasies without being questioned. The earliest reference to Homosexuality, the one in the Book of Exodus, took place in a Don Bosco school.
The original Jhonny Bosco is not at peace, even over 100 years after his death. His remains are dug up from time to time to be put in public display for their effect on the brainwashed students.
They wear White, speck-less, shiny gowns of Gucci or Prada. They claim to have attained the highest levels of mokhsha having lost the affinity towards women and lust in the process. The irrefutable truth remains they have very tiny weenies and they love their hands and children better. Salesians named after Francis the Salesman, who is rumored to have sold two million Twinkies in his lifetime, are the best men for the education trade.
The admissions process to any highly acclaimed Don Bosco Institute requires rigorous training and meditation. The entrance exams are rumored to be more difficult than Indian Institutes of Technology. The students, 6 year olds are supposedly believed to put up with headstands without using hands and pull each others wedgie while trying not to cry.
For admissions to middle school, the applying students are spanked once by each student and not allowed to shit for a day to pass the test. The life after admissions is pure fun. Students have to slog under the sun while getting trolled time to time by over-experienced teachers, who preach sermons in classes with a bottle of Brandy in their hands shouting,"This is mah blood! You should all hav' a sip!"
The Education system of a typical Don Bosco institution is based on the preventive system of education, which basically denounces the constitutional freedom granted to the students. The most upheld features of the system is: Do not study, Do not say no to drugs and Do not be a Virgin. Beside these you can do whatever you feel like, if you pay your fees.
Most schools have high and middle school sandwiched together which allows seniors to order their juniors to strip for them and also spank the from time to time to vent out their frustration. The students are brainwashed just before exams and shown porn with their hands tied so they can be motivated to do well. If they don't, the funds can always be arranged.
edit Festivals and Extracurricular Activities
“Don Bosco doesn't arrange tournaments they cannot win”
The cultural fests of Don Bosco institutions are a sight to behold. They arrange everything! From strip shows, hookers, orgy parties, porn directing competitions to hookah bars, alcohol baths, and marijuana joints. The days of festival are heavenly and blissful. The others who participate are captivated by the magnificence of funds spent in connecting quality stuff with an education facility. The final day of all festivals feature chief guests who are or were famous porn stars or psychopaths. Famous entities to have visited are Jenna Jameson, George Bush, Tera Patrick and Paris Hilton.
The students take part in various extracurricular activities as well. The games popularized over the years include Who can Hump a dead turkey, I can Blow better and Ring the bells. You will never see any Don Bosco ever winning a competition save theirs, which are obviously rigged. The students also take part in various indoor games like Squeezing Balls and Ass Smash. There is also the annual Singing Competitions which many students participate nude and Tell me your sex story Competition which is often recorded, censored and sold for the general public.
The Salesians do a lot of humanitarian work, most of it involving sperm donation, which upholds their ceremonial vow of celibacy, and is consequently the only way to ensure new generations of teachers at Don Bosco. The Bollywood hit Vicky Donor, a comedy musical about sperm donation, was inspired by a Salesian brother who humbly refuses to take credit.
Besides teaching poor kids the art of begging, each school prays to Jesus to bring floods that will help the affected with soiled clothes.
Don Bosco Schools boast world-famous Alumni, including Osama bin Laden, Barack Obama, and Saddam Hussein. They are too modest to admit their association with the schools (except when they decline to admit it because they are dead). It was relevant to the chain when alumnus Osama died under the direction of alumnus Obama, and each school observed a minute of silence. The silence had the theme: "Alumni troll Alumni and we are not a part of it."
Alumni are rarely invited back, to keep them from trolling present students, staff and fathers. The last time an alumnus was allowed for a cultural festival, he submitted a painting of Jhonny Bosco at a rodeo.