User:Deadpool992/Eric Matthews

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JESUS CHRIST! WOULD YA CALM DOWN, ERIC?

Eric Matthews is a famous Norwegian talk show host and kids rights activist, as well as being part of the Batman legacy. He has problems in many areas and is thought to be socially retarded and has struggled with an addiction to pornography, as well as a sex scandal with Topanga Lawrence. He is good friends with Mr. Feeny a.k.a. KITT and Topanga Lawrence.

edit Early Life

Eric grew up in Norway. He used to read comics like Rorschach, Captain Obvious, and The Adventures of Penis. He also used to watch Poopy pants cartoons. But after seeing Tom Cruise jump on Oprah's couch, he decided to gain a career in televison. Now why you gotta do that, Eric?

edit Diagnosed With Social Retardation

After college, Eric found out that he couldn't socialize with people. He was diagnosed with social retardation at age 22 and was given the medication Viagra. He became an activist fighting for a cure, but like cancer and AIDS, it will never happen. Give it a fuckin' rest, would ya Eric?

edit The Eric Matthews Show

In 2001, Eric was approached by NBC to make a talk show starring him. Co-stars included his brother Cornelius, Cornelius' best friend Don Imus, and Cornelius' girlfriend Topanga Lawrence. The show was a smash hit, making Eric King of the Talk Show Hosts, a title previously held by Oprah, Rosie O'Donnell, and Dr. Phil. But it was all short lived as trouble soon followed. Why you gotta fuck everything up, Eric?

edit Cancellation

The Eric Matthews Show was on a high point in 2006, until the inevitable happened. Imus started calling people nappy-headed hos and was forced to be fired. Also, Eric started having a sexual relationship with Topanga. When Corey eventually found out, he cut all his toes and his penis off and shot himself in the head. The Eric Matthews Show was cancelled, and Eric found himself broke. That sucks.

edit Emo Period

File:Matthews.jpg

Eric soon found himself smoking five joints, masturbating 50 times to porno, and sniffing 40 kilos of coke every single day. He became very emo and started listening to musicians like Elvis, Sanjaya Malakar, and Sting. He gained movie roles in Morphin Power Rangers as a drug dealer and was slated to be in Batman Erupts as Poopy Man before it was cancelled. Eric was suicidal before the intervention of KITT. They consoled each other other the fact that they were both crappy. They soon decided to help each other.

edit Becoming Knight Rider

Eric and KITT, who he called Mr. Feeny for some odd reason, became the second Knight Rider team. They settled down in Bikini Bottom and fought crime. They battled threats like the Red Skull, a cyborg Don Imus, and Richard Simmons. Eric took time off and went to rehab. After getting back, he recieved distressing news.

edit Becoming Batman

File:Batman McGinnis.jpg

In 2063, Eric and KITT came across an injured Val Kilmer as Batman. He had been raped by the combined efforts of Gary Glitter, Britney Spears, and Lawrence Welk and was near death. As he lay dying, he told Eric and KITT to continue the Batman legacy. Eric became the new Batman and was given Wayne Manor, while KITT became the new Batmobile.

edit New Lease On Life

Eric served as Batman until 2080, in which he joined the Justice League, raped a couple of chicks, and had drunken parties every year at Wayne Manor. He retired and got married to Topanga in a hippie ceremony. He had come into the news recently for driving with no pants, which he was fined six million dollars. Eric currently has a job at the Free Hats for Fat People store on Bizarro World.



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