User:David Gerard/Draft

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

edit Articles I'm stuck on

Nuvola apps ktip
The writer of this article has become hopelessly, helplessly stuck. If you can lend a hand, give it a push. Or, leave some advice on the talk page.
See other stuck articles in Category:Stuck articles needing a push.
Nuvola apps kopete


- rough ideas with Sannse so far.

- sections are good, other sections are shite. Also needs something on Transhumanism. "I can see a future full of thinkers like myself."

- aaaaahem!

- this is article-shaped, but needs a few more sections. Explore the real literary value of vampire (Apollonian) vs zombie (Dionysian), with gratuitous dick jokes.

- fucking useless rich people. The family tree is loosely based on G.W. Bush, but any lucky-sperm-club member (Edgar Bronfman, Henry Ford XCLVII, etc) is suitable material.

- my first child is due to be born in April. I expect to have quite a lot of material for this article.

edit Stupid bomb

"The two most plentiful elements in the Universe are bad Uncyclopedia articles and hydrogen, and I'm not sure about the ... hydrogen. Hold on, I'll try that one again." - Albert Einstein on an off day

The Stupid Bomb uses only the second-finest-grade stupid in the world, capable of penetrating five light-years of lead. (The finest grade stupid in the world would penetrate the bomb's neutronium shielding and affect the guidance system.)

edit Generating stupidity

[do adapted zombie botnet image, write based on this]

Wikipedia:Image:Zombie-process.png -- best image on the entirety of Wikipedia

Spork liberally from Wikipedia:Precision-guided munition

-- Images --

bomb diagram: (based on real smart bomb) control system behind neutronium shield, sharpened cluelessness tip, clue anti-pheromone coating for easy atmospheric transport

gw bush: Various traitorous liberal homosexual paedophiles have alleged that a Stupid Bomb was accidentally set off near the White House in early 2001. Other groups have alleged it was deliberate.

e-meter: The €-meter is used by the Church of Objectivism to remove money thetans from the subject's wallet. The meter measures variations in clue resistance.

image of interconnected boxes: slashdot, wikipedia, wikipediareview, what else ... take from the Zombie Botnet image - How stupidity is generated and captured.

edit Kawasaki Ninja

The Kawasaki Ninja is, of course, bright green.

The Kawasaki Ninja is green neon in colour. Where would a green neon ninja be able to work? Downtown modern-day Tokyo - you wouldn't see him amongst all the other neon. Actually, you probably would.

"Hey, it's a green neon ninja!"
"Wow, he must be promoting something good! Hey! What are you promoting?"
"... What?"
"The green neon! Is it something I can get on my phone? The new NEC promo? Must be good."
"Er, no ... I'm going to kill someone."
"Wow. What in?"
*cough* "Real life."
"Oh, Real Life 2.5, the one out on PSP next month? I'm looking forward to that one. It's gonna be so cool with that green neon getup!"
"You are a very strange person. I'm just going over here now."

edit VolkiPods

After Neuroipods, this needs to be much, much better to avoid resembling a thin film of ex-horse. Perhaps a merge with Uberpod.
Volkipods1

Popular White Nationalist website, giving away free ipods loaded with Prussian Blue albums, in return for:

a) money
b) reffering freinds to do the same

Visit www.whitenationalist.info today for yours!

The VolkiPod is optimised for use with the iMarch software on the Apple VaterMac, the only White Nationalist-approved computer. The VaterMac's mouse is guaranteed to have only one ball.

edit 100% FREE TESTIMONIALS!!*

"I got mein."
Bradajew

"I asked them to bring it, and they did."
Der Codemeister


The offer does not apply in the following places:

  • Poland (until this coming September)
  • Czechoslovakia (available October)
  • France (coming soon)

edit The Kurt that Lived

- Kurt survives his shotgun suicide. Picture to be based on Arseface from Preacher.

After the tragedy of his attempted shotgun suicide in April 1994, Kurt Cobain has rehabilitated his public image ... blah blah ... something.

Cobain has worked to be a good example to the world as a person of fame and fortune despite the lack of lips or a lower jaw. In this regard, his reputation has enjoyed a post-tragedy revival, much as Christopher Reeve's did.

Cobain has done much public work to ensure the impressionable youth of suburban America do not repeat his errors. He regularly mans a suicide hotline, although with variable effectiveness:

Kid: "I hate myself and I wanna die!"
Kurt: "Uh, duh do dah. I'th buh buh hhhh."
Kid: "OH FUCK!" ***BANG***
Kurt: "... fuggh."

edit Hitler-Stalin Square

  • Something Morwen said on IRC. Apparently there is a square in Bucharest that was at different times named after Hitler and Stalin and is now named after Charles de Gaulle. The title smells uncyclopedic to me.

Hitler-Stalin Square, is a public square in southern London, straddling the border between the London Borough of Lewisham and the London Borough of Bromley.

The square was created in 1981 by the South London Development Corporation, on the site of what had previously been a disused flying car factory. Street naming is the responsibility of local authorities, who were at first unable to decide on a name. The Stalinist-led Labour-controlled Lewisham London Borough Council called their half the 'Square of Our Glorious Leader, Joseph Stalin', whilst the Conservative and National Socialist, which controlled Bromley Borough Council, called their half the 'Adolf Hitler Memorial Gardens'.

This was clearly absurd, and in response to this the Greater London Council led by Red Ken, and the national Government, led by Bloody Thatcher, made what is possibly their only documented agreement, and compelled the entirety of the square to be named 'Hitler-Stalin Square'.

Personal tools
projects