User:Un-Dark Paladin X/Cream the Rabbit

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Cream the Rabbit cute!!!! *drools*

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cream the Rabbit.

Cream the Rabbit is a cute sugar-addicted hyperactive optimistic pacifist crybaby young rabbit girl and a perfect torture rape NO! Torture!! Oh shut the fuck up!! No more rape and torture shit prank victim. She is known to have a pet friend Chaos, Cheese (Velveeta in many Spanish speaking countries like Venezuela) She is well known for her cuteness that everyone wants to be her for 24/7 (or at least want to give her hundreds of kisses). Cream cries a lot for no fuck reason. Heck, she cried like 1.75 million times in her 6 years of her life. She lives with her mother named Vanilla (her daddy is unknown, but it could possibly be Joe Principe). Currently, she is traveling with Sonic and his friends. There were rumors that she is in love with Miles "Tails" Prower, but that is proven to be total bullshit.


Cream the rabbit was born in 2001 in some alternative universe (called Moebius or something). She was given birth by Vanilla and some unknown father, but we really don't need to know about the papa, just the cute Cream. She was raised in a giant estate with a giant swimming and a tavern where noobs can get drunk. One day, when Cream (around the age of 1196 days) was fucking around the forest gather some random flowers, she came across an injured Chaos with Holy Cheese next to her (Ok, we really don't know the gender, some sources say the chaos is a girl, but others say it's a boy. Just to be safe, I'll say hermaphrodite). Since Cream found the chaos next to cheese, she just called her "Cheese." Ironically, Cheese is allergic to cheese, but the gist is that Cream and Cheese become buddies and they look out for each other. Awwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! How fuckin' cute!!

One day, Cream got kipnapped by no other than Osama bin Laden and his henchmen. This is when her mother Vanilla called in Sonic the Hedgehog and Vector the Crocodile to rescue Cream (the first guy to save Cream was rewarded a free trip to Jamaica and $75,000). Eventually, Sonic killed bin Laden (the bin Laden was actually a pod person) and 500 of his henchmen and saved Cream (Vector, on the other hand, was offered $1 million by George W. Bush to kill Fidel Castro, but failed and end up trapped in Cuba. That greedy bastard). However, since Vanilla had to pay $75,000 to Sonic, Cream and her mother ended up losing their estate and was forced to live in a shitty small cottage with no electricity. Cream was really pissed at Sonic. She, however, didn't care about money and made friends with him. Ever since that day, she traveled with Sonic and his friends in differents places in the world like Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Iran.

Personal life I have to go over this shit?


Cream and Cheese's favorite food is ice cream. Yep, ice cream. Which kinda explains what makes Cream and Cheese optimistic and hyperactive. Their ice cream favorite flavor is vanilla and strawberry. However, if you happens to spike a vanilla ice cream with brocolli, dyed the ice cream pink, and give the ice cream to Cream and Cheese; you are going to have some funny results. Cream enjoys listening to songs from John Lennon, which explains why Cream is a pacifist. She loves to pick random flowers from a field (she's actually allergic to forget-me-nots, which causes Cream to get knocked out and have amnesia), having tea parties with Tails, and watching televison (her favorite show is none other than the hit reality TV show Pokemon).

Cream's favorite movie is Brokeback Mountain, a highly emotional gay homosexual movie that makes her and Cheese cry a lot.


As a pacifist, she dislike other killing the shit out of each other or those using any physical or verbal violence. Of course, she knows how to judo, but sucks at it. She also doesn't like people being an asshole, especially pranksters. Also, since Cream is an optimistic whore, she doesn't like seeing people get mad or sad, but with a little magic, the person will be happy again.


Personality? Cream follows her manners and respects everyone. She follows the policy of tolerance, love, and being nice to everyone (especially Al-Qaeda and Dr. Eggman). Cream does not "hate" anyone, because simply hate is quite a strong word (and everytime somebody says that word, she starts crying like a total sissy and covers her ears). Instead she loves and respects everyone around her (and those who try to harm her, she just only show respect). She is highly naive and she always do as she is told and always follow the rules (that means Cream WILL wear a stupid hijab in Iran Mr. Ahmadinejad because it's the rules and she always follow the rules; well, she won't do something stupid like rape). Due to her naivety, she can be the perfect target of torture pranks.

Cream is also a total crybaby, she cries when someone stole something from her that is really unimportant, when someone she loves, or when some random asshole pranks her (oh, such as putting a "I'm a douchebag, kick me really hard" sign on her back or duct taping her eyes, feet, and her hands while sleeping). In fact, the number of tears (in gallons) from her crying can fill a typical swimming pool 20 times over.

The rumor of Cream and Tails relationship is a HOAX

Some of you people wondered that there is a love relationship between Cream and Tails. However, this has proven to be a total BULLSHIT. The rumor was actually spread by fans and emos in internet blogs stating that Tails and Cream love each other. The reason why most people thought about this is because Tails and Cream seem to be together most of the time. People, a friend of mine confirmed that Tails and Cream just friends and they don't any love feelings for each other. Tails is really in love with Cosmo, some random unimportant bitch. Cream, on the other hand, said that she DOES a boyfriend that she loves, but the boy isn't Tails. Rumors says that the boy Cream loves is a wannabe rapper gangsta who have some snowboard skillz.


Cream know how to judo (as well as Cheese), but she sucks at it. Instead, she's quite good at cooking, sewing, doing laundry, writing short stories and poems, and experienced at proofreading your English homework. So if need some spaghetti, need a fix on your pants, or need some revamping on your English essay, you can go find her and have some help on it. She does it for free. Really.

Also, Cream masters snowboarding and skiing really well, you should come see for yourself to experience it.

Cream is a torture prank victim of the Über Emo

Cream is one of two known torture prank victims of the Über Emo (the other is May from the hit reality TV show Pokemon). Ever since Cream was traumatized from the Über Emo's torture prank, she fears him a lot. As tradition, she shows respect to the Über Emo by calling him "Mr. Über Emo" before letting him torture prank her. Of course, she could try to use her judo skills against him, but she sucks at judo. Besides, the Über Emo masters Taekwondo, which we all know Taekwondo is better and more leet than judo.

The reason why Cream is a nice torture prank victim is unknown, but many believe she's a total crybaby.

Unlike May, Cream gets tortured pranked more frequently by the Über Emo. This is because Vanilla had lost all her money to Sonic and cannot afford a restraining order. Therefore, the Über Emo can freely torture prank Cream

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