User:Dark Paladin X/Cream the Rabbit
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Cream the rabbit was born in 2001 in some alternative universe (called Moebius or something). She was given birth by Vanilla and Sonic the Preggo, but we really don't need to know about the papa, just the cute Cream. She was raised in a giant estate which was stolen from Chris Thorndyke's parents. One day, when Cream (around the age of 1196 days) was fucking around the forest and trying to gather flowers, she came across an injured Chaos with Cheese next to her. Since Cream found the chaos next to cheese, she just called him "Cheese." Ironically, Cheese is allergic to cheese.
One day, Cream got kidnapped by no other than Osama bin Laden and his henchmen. This is when her mother Vanilla called in Sonic the Hedgehog and Vector the Crocodile to rescue Cream (the first guy to save Cream was rewarded a free trip to Jamaica and $75,000). Eventually, Sonic killed bin Laden and 500 of his henchmen and saved Cream (Vector, on the other hand, was offered $1 million by George W. Bush to kill Fidel Castro, but failed and end up trapped in Cuba. That greedy bastard). However, since Vanilla had to pay $75,000 to Sonic, Cream and her mother ended up losing their estate and was forced to live in a shitty small cottage with no electricity. Cream was really pissed at Sonic. She, however, didn't care about money and made love with him. Ever since that day, she travelled with Sonic and his friends in different places in the world like Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Iran.
She also likes to make child porn when she's alone in her room.
As a pacifist, she dislikes other killing the shit out of each other or those using any physical or verbal violence. Whenever she sees any kind of fighting going on, she takes out her trusty chainsaw and waves it everywhere to make the "scary fighting go away". She is afraid of Thanksgiving because it means "a cute innocent little turkey is hurt" and she has a turkey ranch, and when she eats it, it gives her huge gas for an hour.
Of course, she knows judo, but sucks at it. She also doesn't like people being an asshole, especially pranksters or dealers who sell nothing but regs. One time some idiot putted a pie in her face that made her cry to her mommy and for Cheese, well you don't want to know but it involves crap. Also, since Cream is an optimistic whore, she doesn't like seeing people get mad or sad, but with a little magic, the person will be happy again.
Cream follows her manners and respects everyone. She follows the policy of tolerance, love, and being nice to everyone (especially Al-Qaeda and Dr. Eggman). Cream does not "hate" anyone, because simply hate is quite a strong word (and every time somebody says that word, she starts crying like a total sissy and covers her ears). Instead she loves and respects everyone around her (and those who try to harm her, she just only show respect by kicking them in the nuts). Whenever someone says crap she also sovers her ears and screams "MOMMY, Mr. Garrion said a bad word!
Cream is also a total crybaby, she cries when someone stole something from her that is really unimportant(Cheese), when someone she loves, or when some random asshole pranks her (oh, such as putting a " kick me really hard" sign on her back or duct taping her eyes, feet, and her hands while sleeping). In fact, the number of tears from her crying will most likely solve any water problems that develop(eew...)
Cream's childish acts can sometimes get her in trouble. One time she crossed the road and guest what happened, she end up causing a car pileup a mile long and the drivers were so pissed they chased here about a mile and tackled her, beat the crap out of her, tossed her in a dumpster, put a cat in it, and walked away (the cat chased Cream down the road till she got to her house). She also can be really evil at times and act so innocent and cute, like how she joins with Amy and Cosmo to taunt Knuckles and Vector. One time she had such a big innocent demeanor when they played baseball, she gave one of Eggman's robots a boner and made it drop the ball as she ran to first base. She may be childish, but kinda sexy somewhat.
The rumor of Cream and Tails relationship
Some of you people wondered that there is a love relationship between Cream and Tails. The rumor was actually spread by fans (Idiots). Also hinted by some of the games. The reason why most people thought about this is because Tails and Cream seem to be together most of the time. People, normally see them together because of their personalities. Also their ability to fly.
Cream is extremely good at playing the Nintendo game Animal Crossing . In addition, she is really good at cooking, sewing, doing laundry, writing short stories and poems, and experienced at proofreading your English homework. So if need some spaghetti, need a fix on your pants, or need some revamping on your Engrish essay, you can go find her and have some help on it. She does it for free Really. Also she can fly for 24 seconds so the wind can help but not and fell than die. "If she is lucky she will survive". Cream is a master of Kung fu. "Once he beat up link ass then went crying to Zelda then broke up".
Cheese the Chao
Cheese is Cream's BFF and is rarely seen apart of Cream. He also has a part time job eating souls on weekends and Halloween. He wears a red bow tie that only diffrences him to other chao. He's been with Cream for like ever and on time was lost till he's been found 5 minutes later. Oh if you take Cheese away from Cream, she will panic and maybe have a emotional breakdown (like Tails did when he killed his girlfriend). Cream and Cheese are rarely seen apart and heir are rumors said that Cheese the Chao is allergic to cheese and thats still on debate.
Cream and Sonic got married on Sonic's birthday, June 23rd, 2011 in Mobius. Amy got really pissed and rammed her hammer all over Sonic, but then Cream and Cheese kicked her ass and sent that bitch running home, crying. Sonic and Cream lived happily ever after in her house and decided Cheese to be their child and Vanilla didn't really give a shit how old or young Cream was to marry Sonic since apparently she doesn't seem to grow or age from six years old, Sonic and Cream soon started having sex anytime they wanted, which made Sonic a pedophile. Many suspect that this was Tails' doing after being pissed at a group of Tails x Cream shippers pestering him. Oh yeah, Tails was having sex with Cosmo so it wasn't his fault.
|Sonic the Hedgehog characters|
|Sonic the Hedgehog - Shadow the Hedgehog - Tails the Straight|
|Why?:Does Everyone Hate Sonic the Hedgehog|