User:DJ Mixerr/Worst 100 Government Policies of All-Time
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|Contents: 100-91 • 90-81 • 80-71 • 70-61 • 60-51 • 50-41 • 40-31 • 30-21 • 20-11 • 10-1|
Those Governments, eh! They spend all day out there making sure that we're okay with their policies. Every government has them - policies that tell us all how we'll be living our lives if we're stupid enough to vote them into power (or turn a blind eye to any blatant vote-rigging).
But politicians don't always get it right and for every good policy there's one that looks like it should belong in the River with all the other turds.
103. "The Patriarchy."
102. "All couples over the age of 70 must have sex at least once a day, make a recording of it, and send a letter to Penthouse Forum describing it."
101. "Old, rich, out-of-touch Etonians are the best placed people to make decisions for the country."
99. "Our Party Leader once nearly choked on a piece of bread. Therefore we will promise not to ban bread and all bread-related products."
97. "Teenage pregnancies are up 72%. Therefore abortion needs to happen."
96. "Mandatory jail sentences for any crimes highlighted by the tabloid press. With double sentences for articles printed on Sundays. "
95. "1984 shall be used as a framework for government ideas, especially foreign policy and civil rights. Not the book, the actual year. Which means that Margaret Thatcher will be reinstalled as prime minister and the exumed corpse of Ronald Reagan will become president."
94. "Scrapping the minimum wage, and re-establishing good old sweatshops for the poor."
93. "Free condoms for the over 70's."
92. "A new hairstyle every six weeks, to be carefully chosen by a focus group."
91. "All newspapers would be banned. Except for the Daily Mail."
90. "Sexual relations will be made illegal unless it's done through a hole in the blanket."
88. "We will make it illegal for Super Heroes to use their powers for evil."
84. "It has come to our attention that dogs bark too loud. This will be made soundproof."
82. "We shall create a National Holiday to commemorate Kim Jong Il. With lots of fireworks and parades. And movies.
81. "John Rambo will be the governor."
79. "Ethnic Slurring will become a daily requirement."
78. "And therefore, my fellow Americans, we will bail out AIG."
77. "Ladies and gentlemen, our new national anthem is 'Holiday', by Ms. Madonna Ciccione.
76. "And I saw taxes are too low!"
74. "From now on, everyone in Nebraska is named Timothy."
73. "Every 1st Monday of the month is take your mother-in-law to work day."
71. "If a citizen misses a World Cup game, then they will be subject to the worst torture imaginable: watching a World Cup game."
70. "Everybody in the world will have plastic surgery to look like the guy on the left.
69. "Insurance is just pennies a day.
68. "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes. Oh shit, the mic's on?"
67. "Bad credit? No credit? No problem!"
66. "So I'm going to have beer and pretzels on the White House lawn with Professor Gates and Sergeant Crowley. Afterward, I'll throw out the first pitch at the MLB All-Star Game. The economy? What the hell is an economy?"
63. Beer will made illegal to sell and obtain only on Sundays. The only alcoholic drinks that will be acceptable will be apple martinis, cosmopolitans, and Zima.
62. Both the US-Mexico border and the US-Canada border will have walls surrounding it at the zenith so illegal immigrants will not trespass and sneak into the country of the United States. Not sure why Canadians would want to sneak into America, but build that wall anyway.
59. The US government will completely half Conservative / half-Liberal. And it serves both parties of the Conservative Party and the Liberal Party. (Independent Party will still exist in Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, New Caledonia, and Australia.) So basically this means the Conservative Democrats and Liberal Republicans still rules us and you.
45. Pinchos are too spicy. So, they will be abolished and illegal.
43. ALL animals will kept in cages, including Andy Dick.
41. Only air will be free.
34.Males and females (chiefly females) will rule the world (Planet Earth) with strict communist mistress]es and a dominatrix for every man. Under cruel and unusual punishment and sex. Femdoms and Rape Dungeons are to be built especially for those whom may rebel.
33. Females will rule the world with strict communist mistress]es and a dominatrix for every man. Under cruel and unusual punishment and sex. Femdoms and Rape Dungeons are to be built especially for those whom may rebel. As per world domination. Punishments are deadly! So bend over!
32. Females rule males and males rules females. As per world domination.
31. The term, "trisexual", will have allowed usage official government forums and documents.
30. Children 5-20 are required to take school.
29. Sex is not an evolutionary necessity so much as an evolutionary hindrance.
28. Recycling is mandatory. DO IT!
27. A benevolent God supports everything we have done, are doing, and will do. All of these claims are really true. We care.
26. War is not peace
25. Elections are dignified and magnificent occasions. They are not tawdry, depressing, or the same old shit, and have never been rigged, tinkered with, or cheated.
24.The British Labour Party lets the rich grow richer faster than the rest of UK citizens do.
22. Political correctness is a cure for cancer.
21. Religion will be established.
20. The administration of the Religions are carried out by the Religious Council.
19. Everyone etcetera is forced to go to temple for six days of a week, each priest heads the worship for two days in a week. For that reason, the all temples have three priests; no more, no less. The priests carry out the most basic parts of religious obligations. They give the sermons, discuss with the people, and collect the monthly taxes.
18. Any minority political party, accusing the majority of corruption, that will not itself evidence identical corruption once it wins the majority and thus acquires actual power it can sell to special interests.
16. No one is allowed to admit it under a mutual non-disclosure agreement.
15. Australia is actually becoming a territorial possession of the United Kingdom.
13. Funded by taxing tax on the tax we tax from the taxed and then reclaimed through benefit cheques by those oppressed by the taxes, this economic model was inspired by the folk myth of Robin Hood.
12. Canada is now a state.
11. Canada was never granted its independence from the United Kingdom.
9. A lift is really an elevator.
7. The British accent is actually a speech disorder.
4. Guns do not kill people. The government does.
2. Violators will be shot on sight!
1. The words, "retard" and "retarded," are now considered illegal and politically incorrect. If you work for the government and are heard making usage of the word, 'retard,' you will not be terminated from your job position, but you will fined, imprisoned, and shot on sight.